My step- dad does that to me and all his own kids. Before I met him i was the happiest kid in the world now i have lost my self-esteem,self-confidence and all. My mom says its because we are Africans and thats how its done but i am only 13 gosh!!!
2006-07-01 17:05:05 · 12 answers · asked by Lady T 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Your step-father might be treating you and your step-siblings in such a way as to belittle you, and no, that is not right. However, when all children enter adolescence, there is a natural self doubt that occurs. I would not be so quick to blame his presence in being the cause of your poor self confidence. Ask around, I am willing to bet that if you speak to any young adult (23 and up) if they experienced anything similar, they would all say yes. It's a natural part of growing up. I am quite sure that your step-father is not helping things any. My advice for you would be to:
1) not have the last word (this is a battle of the wills and he will win)
2) agree with what he says to him (even if you don't agree on the inside) walk away knowing that you are the better person.
3) learn how to smile when he's rude, this will confuse him
4) go out of your way to make your step-siblings laugh after he makes them feel badly, stick together with them, tell them they are great
I find that those people who have a need to verbally berate others have self esteem issues themselves, he's not perfect, however, neither are you ;->
2006-07-01 17:26:26 · answer #1 · answered by lookiehere...000 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. It is their primary responsibility after feeding you and clothing you. I went through what you described starting at 7 until I was around 13 or so, when I started becoming more intellectual and deep thinking, and then I decided I was the only one who can make that happen. Your parents should build you up, but you need to decide that YOU are the source your self-esteem. Even if someone is 7 years old. It's very hard to become independent-minded that young, but if people are destroying your spirit and your confidence, there's no other way. Decide now, because you'll wait forever for your parents to grow up!
2006-07-01 17:12:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is never right to put down a child. You sound like an intellegent person. I think this step father IS probably insecure.
IF that is the way that African-Americans raise their kids, then they have no one to blame for any problems they have but themselves. Break the pattern. I know you are young but try to determine that you will not let this guy get to you. When someone (teacher, from church or in the neighborhood) compliments you, latch on to them. Don't drive them crazy, but allow yourself to be around these positive people. They will help you keep your spirits up and succeed. Hang in there!
2006-07-01 17:18:07 · answer #3 · answered by Blue Eyed Baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know almost everyone has growing pains and feels that everyone_especially their parents,are against them.The proof will reveal itself when that person becomes an adult.If that child that felt persicuted as a child could honestly look back and say I now understand now what I didnt know then, then he had good parents.If the person becomes a person of low self esteem,immature, and not able to function as an adult then mabe there was some credence to what the child was saying all along.
2006-07-01 17:16:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your step dad is an idiot. He can teach you ways to be confident and to be tough in dealing with the world, but that doesn't having direct relationship to ruining your confidence. He's probably insecure and threatened. A real, confident man wouldn't do that.
2006-07-01 17:10:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, i hav a big self-esteem prob. with my weight. I think its because my mom im not sure. i just got over the fear of wearing a 2 piece in front of my family. thats pretty sad i know.and just because ur african ur mom has no right to say thats how its done. that was passed whe martin luther king jr. was alive. i hav a stepdad and beieve me he aint perfect.
2006-07-01 18:07:59 · answer #6 · answered by daryane c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. My family did it to me and now I'm worse than i was before. I was content with myself before all that! I think they think that what they're doing or saying is helping. They dont mean to hurt you. They're just being parents. But still, I'm 24 and still have personal issues. Just hang in there girl, be strong and be there for your other siblings.
2006-07-01 17:13:57 · answer #7 · answered by theVoiceWithin... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not right. It could affect your mental outlook on yourself for the rest of your life. What he is doing to you is classified as mental cruelty. It doesn't make any difference if you are African, Canadian, American, Chinese etc,.
Tell your mother to get him to stop. If she doesn't seek help elsewhere, a teacher an adult friend.
2006-07-01 17:14:10 · answer #8 · answered by older woman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is DEFINATELY not right.....You seem like an intelligent insightful person....Even though it hurts right now (the way he treats you) always remember that it is HIM who has the problem.....People that constantly criticize are very unhappy with their OWN lives.......Please, when you go to bed at night, ask God and your Angels to help you to deal with him......It'll work, I promise.......
2006-07-01 17:10:49 · answer #9 · answered by mizzzzthang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emotionally unstable parents create problem. You must develop tolerance. There is no use in arguing.
2006-07-01 17:20:32 · answer #10 · answered by snashraf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋