How much should I try?

Question

I am 20, and have had three girlfriends, all of which lasted about three months. The last one really hurt, it's six months later and I still don't know why she dumped me. At any rate...

I like having a girlfriend, having someone who's there for me and someone I can be there for. But I'm not good at getting girls. Part of me says I should look at every girl as a potential relationship, and actively pursue any leads, however small. The other part, though, is still angry at females and says that they should come find me if they actually like me, so I don't get myself into any bad relationships. But I know that won't happen.(girls coming to find me, that is)

So what do I do? Do I sit and wait? Or should I explore every possible opportunity?
I know it seems kind of absurd when I put it in writing, but in my mind I feel like I'll miss my window of time for finding a long-term relationship if I don't find one soon.

Answer 1

Chuckie B.,

You have lots and lots of time to find a girl. The truth is that it is fine to date, in fact, you should. However, the kind of girl you will want to spend the rest of your life with at age 20 is waay different than the girl you will want at age 30. Wait until you are older to make a commitment.

Also, unless you are a remarkably good-looking guy, chances are that few women, if any, will ever make the first move. You have to go out and initiate. I don't know about every opportunity, but there is no harm in getting to know girls. You don't necessarily have to see every one of them as a romantic possibility.

Consider putting yourself in situations where you can at least relate and have friendships. As it often turns out, women and men who start off as friends will wind up romantically involved. For most, it is the best foundation of a relationship there can ever be.

Answer 2

No rush. Many people are finding long-term relationships in their 30's these days (most people want to be secure in their jobs, have a steady income, etc., etc., before having a relationship). Many people believe if you are "not looking" you will find a perfect relationship. Hang in there -- you've plenty of time; and while you're waiting, work on your "getting girl skills", i.e., social skills.

Answer 3

When you find a girl you find interesting, just start out slowly talk to her, find out what her interests are. Some people are too much in a hurry to get intimate. That doesn't always work, coz everyone ends up getting hurt.

Good places to meet girls with similar interests are at school, church youth groups, or try doing some volunteer work.