I ahve been dating an awesome girl for fifteen months now. We have a beautiful 3 month old girl who I adore severly. My girlfriend told me today that I have put her on the backburner since our daughter was born and the only time I seem happy is when I am with my daughter. I love my girlfriend a lot, and dont mean to not show her as much affection but it is hard too. I work a hard full-time job and work very late hours. She works mornings so we rarely see each other and the times we do, I find it hard to show affection like I used to when we didn't have a child. She wants meto try harder like when we were first dating and I agree, but should she compromise to? I am very stressed and do not want a lot of intamacy anymore, but I know things will get easier. Should I be the only one to change or should I ask for her to change to?
2006-07-01 16:23:56 · 17 answers · asked by lameskater 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We do plan to get married next June, but money is tight. I would never let us split up because I couldn't be happier, but she just demands too much from me.
2006-07-01 16:29:43 · update #1
Thank you all for the answers. I need to step it up for her. I cant imagine what she went through during her pregnancy, or the changes she has went through. I am so grateful to her for our daughter and I will do anything for them, make any sacrifice. I'm gone, I am going to go give my sweetheart some lovin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-01 16:58:32 · update #2
Quite honestly, I have to side with your girl....ONLY because she just had a baby and post partum hits some people pretty severely....after having a baby you feel very low, even thought the greatest thing in life JUST happened to you! You just feel very unpretty and very BLAH!!!! You now have this person in your life that becomes #1. It is hard on both parents but women DO get post partum. She may be having a hard time with it. But she also needs to realize you are a new parent too and you are JUST as tired as she is....so I guess she shoudl make SOME sort of compromise...am I making sense??? Oh well! I made an attempt....Good luck and make a point to make time for the two of you, as a couple, not as parents.
2006-07-01 16:30:28 · answer #1 · answered by MNM0103 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not about changing. You both should be the same persons you were before the baby was born. Your feelings should not change for each other. Don't you still love your girlfriend? If you can't say "Yes" to that question, then you may have been too young to start your family. Maybe you both need to get away together alone some weekend or one night, get a babysitter. And work on your relationship with each other more. Open communication is extremely important, also! Good luck to you both.
2006-07-01 16:31:14 · answer #2 · answered by Carolyn B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is rough, after being together this long, and having a daughter you have become adapted to your new lives. Moments like this when you feel that you cant give 90 and take 10 throw in a foot massage keep the lotion next to the bed, when you climb into bed since you are there anyway give her a foot massage or a back massage whatever body part you want. Do this a couple times a week without expecting anything for it. This will make her feel special again and see what happens...
2006-07-01 16:37:32 · answer #3 · answered by ~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since money is tight and you're planning a wedding, taking a trip might be a little out of your league. Try just one night together. If you have family around, ask them if they'll your daughter for a night so you and your wife can reconnect. If you don't have family around, hire a babysitter and go to a romantic restaurant with dancing or something.
Also, if there a reason why you do not want a lot of intimacy? I'm sure one night won't hurt...But then again, if you don't mean it, it's not worth it.
2006-07-01 16:49:32 · answer #4 · answered by curious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask for her understanding, and make sure she understands the way you feel. Your being taken w/happiness by the baby is a wonderfull new experience & like no other love you'll find. But you need to remind her that you still love her too. She's been through a lot bringing that child into play. Emotions & hormones during & up to a year after pregnancy are crazy. Would it hurt or seem that rediculous to constantly remind her if thats what made her feel better? Show her & convince her that you still appreciate her.
2006-07-01 16:33:29 · answer #5 · answered by North of Heaven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might be going through post-partum depression. Or many women are not (honestly) accepting to their new bodies. She needs to know that you still find her attractive and enjoy being with her. She does need to understand that you can't give her as much time as before because there's your daughter that needs the attention as well. Make sure when you spend time with your girl that it's quality time for her (not just having her there when you watch tv) I'm sure your girlfriend isn't used to it as well as you so take time to talk and try to understand where each other is coming from. There's not many issues that only require one person to change. And remember that it does take time to adapt for the both of you. Best wishes.
2006-07-01 16:36:35 · answer #6 · answered by LOVE2LD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In any relationship, it takes two people to solve a problem. You need to sit down with her during your spare time and just talk to her. And you have to listen. Let her pour out her soul and cry on your shoulder. When she is done, tell her how you feel. Tell her that you need to rest after a hard day's work. Tell her that you can't bear the load of mending a relationship by yourself. Be honest but be non-aggressive. The worst thing you could do is to be angry. I know relationships can be frustrating, especially when time spent together is limited, but you have to trust that things will get easier.
-Rob
2006-07-01 16:34:28 · answer #7 · answered by rob wells 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN TO THIS AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD READ THIS ALOUD TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND.WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN,EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECOND TO THEM! THAT'S JUST THE WAY OF THE WORLD.IF YOUR GIRL DIDN'T WANT TO BECOME 2ND FIDDLE THEN YOU TWO SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAD A CHILD! WITH YOU 2 BOTH WORKING OPPOSITE HOURS,YES IT PROBABLY IS A LITTLE HARD TO GIVE EACH OTHER THE TIME THAT YOU TWO USED TO HAVE.TRY AND MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK BY SEEKING A SITTER FOR YOUR CHILD AND PLANNING AN EVENING OUT.IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD A SITTER THEN PLAN TIME FOR ALL OF YOU OUTSIDE OF THE HOME,LIKE A WALK IN THE PARK OR TIME AT THE BEACH.JUST BE OPEN WITH YOUR GIRL AND LET HER KNOW THAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE,SHE'LL BE 2ND!
2006-07-01 16:35:58 · answer #8 · answered by MRLETSB4REAL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. It takes two to make a relationship successful. You both have to sacrifice to be happy. You have to try to satisfy her and she has to understand that you are working hard for the three of you. Now that there are two women in your life you have to work twice as hard to fulfill your queen and your little princess. When all is well with the women in your life, they won't hesitate to make sure you're taken care of as well. I hope this helps.
2006-07-01 16:32:21 · answer #9 · answered by cain_cash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a tough one
in my opinion
you will have to find a way to juggle work girlfriend and daughter and satisfy all parties i`m afraid
talk to your girlfreind and always tell her she is just as important if not more important now with the baby than before
its a lot of hard work raising children these days
keep communication open
i hope this helps
2006-07-01 16:29:09 · answer #10 · answered by john a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋