2006-07-01 15:47:22 · 14 answers · asked by NikeSoccer 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
This is your Captain
A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the Tampa Airport.
The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area".
He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.
The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, "So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're in Tampa?"
"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge t_i_t_s out for dinner.... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long."
Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot 's talking about.
Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane.
She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a s_h_i_t first."
2006-07-02 19:51:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A woman went out to her yard one morning and found her dog just laying there, not moving at all. She thought it might be dead, but since it was a basset hound and never moved much anyway, she wanted to be sure... after all, she didn't want to bury it and then find out it wasn't. So she took it to the vet.
The vet agreed to take a look. He shook the dog gently. He checked for a doggy pulse, but couldn't find one. He held a mirror up to the dog's nose but it stayed clear. He said, "Well, the dog does look dead; but I'd like to run one more test."
He goes into the other room and brings back an animal carrier. He opens the door and a cat comes out, walks around the dog two or three times, and finally lifts it's head and tail and goes back into the carrier.
Vet says, "Well, ma'am, I'm sorry to say but your dog is dead."
"Well, that's what I came here to find out," she says, "How much do I owe you?"
"That'll be $520."
"What?" she screams, "$520 to tell me my dog's dead?? Why so much?"
"Well," said the vet, "it's $20 for the office visit, and $500 for the cat scan."
2006-07-01 15:52:25 · answer #2 · answered by anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone in my class told me this.
I'm sorry if you support Bush but............anyways.
Bush was stranded on an island and a genie came to him and said,"You have two wishes. What is your first wish?" Bush said,"I wish I was back in the White House." Poof...He was in the White House. The genie said," What is your second wish?" Then Bush said," I Wish my people were happy." Poof...He was back at the island.
2006-07-01 17:03:45 · answer #3 · answered by GravityGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do Micheal Jackson and St. Louis Cardinals fans have in common?
They both like Pujols!!!
(poo holes)
2006-07-01 16:56:51 · answer #4 · answered by Karli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are a few things to think about:
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Can you cry under water?
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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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What disease did cured ham actually have?
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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
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If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
2006-07-01 15:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♪♫[K]ath² [BUTT '14 ツ]♫♪♥™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some jokes
2006-07-01 15:50:48 · answer #6 · answered by Bluepolka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said "My dog's cross-
eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes.
"Hmm," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man.
"No, because he's heavy," says the vet.
2006-07-01 18:33:24 · answer #7 · answered by dawntywana 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
little jon took a bath
little jon took a bath with bubbles
bubbles is the girl next door
2006-07-01 15:51:58 · answer #8 · answered by ilovegrapes123 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about a Tom Swifty:
"Hey, watch where you're going with that platter!" said Tom, betrayed.
:D
2006-07-01 16:03:26 · answer #9 · answered by ceekay_sheppard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
The interrupting cow.
The inter--
Moo!!!
You can do this with any animal; I love this one.
2006-07-01 16:12:59 · answer #10 · answered by Sheba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋