Should I tell my parents that I'm questioning my faith?

Question

I was raised Catholic and belong to Catholic parents. I've gone to Catholic schools all my life. I've always believed in God and still do, but I've never agreed with some of the main beliefs in Christianity. Ex. I don't believe in the Creation story, I'm pro-gay marriages, I think some parts of the Bible are subject to change over time, etc. Before I thought that meant that I'm just not a "traditional" Christian, but now I think that I can't be a "true" Christian without accepting some of Christianity's most fundamental beliefs (and I know a lot of you will agree with me).

Right now I'm not really following any official religion. My parents are devout Catholics and a lot of my friends are believers so the Catholic faith is a huge part of my life (like going to church; I know it's not big deal and it's only 1 hour but I feel like I shouldn't even be in church anymore). Should I tell them I'm questioning my faith (if so, how?) or should I just suck it up for now until I've decided?

I'm 16 by the way so I'm technically still under their rules. Otherwise I wouldn't really care so much.

I don't want to hear any "Forget it, just turn your life back to the Lord and the Bible He will save you!" type of answers. I can't force it and that's not being truthful to Him anyway.

Answer 1

you don't need to...
First of all just because you believe in gay marraige.. and don't belige in creationsim it doens't mean that you can't be christian.. Mnay catholic churches have more relaxed and accepting views thent eh one you attend...
there are aslso several demonitations of chrsitianity where divesrity and questioning are acepted . You can accept christianity without accepting every single tenet of it.. that is hwy there is so much argument in religon because not eveyrone believes the same thing.. I think that you rparents would be happy to hear that you want to attend another church that you ahve odne research on and feel more comfortable then saying that you don't believe in religon at all..
when you reach college you will have the oppurtunity to experience all faiths
good luck

Answer 2

This is a multi-part answer, please read all. In regards to your question of telling your parents, that in truth is only something you can decide, you are the one who knows your parents best. Here are some questions, however, to help you decide:

How entrenched are your parents in their beliefs? If they are the type that beliefs that the church is the sole holder of truth, then it might not be worth the possible problems broaching the subject could cuase; if they think that the church is wrong or misguided on some issues, the is probably a good chance for beneficial discussion.

Either way, the subject will eventually come up, especially if you keep drifting away from the Catholic church, so you need to start planning on how to express your questions, confusion and, most importantly, you beliefs and why you feel that way.

If your parents take their baptismal promise to raise you Catholic very seriously, and you go though the motions for the next two years until you are legally an adult? Is there nothing left of the modern Catholic church that you believe in that would make you stay going to mass, if only for the next two years? Have you tried going to mass at a different church, believe it or not some churches just have a good community feel, while others are just building full of people. I have changed churches for just that reason quite a few times in my life. I'm still attending one because the people there make me feel there is still hope for the Catholic church to change and make a real difference in peoples lives, even if I don't share all their beliefs.

Now for the second part that may help you decide whether to tell them or not. Let me just tell you that I am a 40 year old mother of 2 (who are being raised Catholic as promised at baptism until they are of age then they may choose whatever road they wish), was raised Catholic and I have many of the same questions as you and have been dealing with this issue for 20 years. That gives you a 4 year head start on me, I didn't start really questioning until I was 20, I even wanted to be a nun when I was 16. You have every right and should question your "faith" if that faith does not seem right to you. Almost every "religion" on this planet is created by man and as such is flawed, it is flawed because when mankind is in control ego and power struggles arise. Someone somewhere starts to believe that they know more then everyone else, including the founders of that religion. Also, the Bible has been rewritten and retranscribed and reworded to suit each era it was done in and to, as they are doing right now with the Catholic rewrite, updating the wording to be more modern and "relevant" to todays society. Unfortunatly some words cannot be translated and their meanings lost, others are translated and unknowingly changed when there is more than one meaning, some meanings and emphasis is lost when rewording is done and updated. In short what we have is not what once was, especially when the works put in where picked and chosen by those who had a specific end in mind. That is why so many atrocities have been commited throughout history in the name of "you insert one here" religion. A "true Christian" is defined in an above post, that is the fundamental truth. So if you fit that definition, you are a "true" Christian, hold onto that and work from there. Don't be afraid to talk to your priest or other people who might be able to help about your questions and expect true answers, not a "Just because it is" answer; remember God gave you a brain for a reason, if you were suppose to just to accept, you wouldn't have been given the capacity to question.

As I've said, I'm 40 years old, I've been dealing with this since I was 20, I don't have all or even most of the answers, and would not pretend to. I still count myself as Catholic, not modern Catholic but of the old cloth, following Christ's teaching in the new testament (which is hugely different from what the church is today). You must remember you are the only one who can decide what to tell your parents, but also remember that you have the right to meet with God in a way that feels true to you, not imposed by someone else.

Answer 3

I don't really know how to answer your question about your parents. I would assume that they would unconditionally love you...as that's what Christianity is all about...loving your neighbor as yourself. But I don't know them...so I can't answer that question. Go with your instincts on that one.

I was never Catholic, so I can't entirely identify with you, but I was raised in a Christian home. Just remember, the main aspect of Christianity isn't gay marriage or the story of creation. The main aspect of Christianity is that God loved the world so much, that He sacrificed His Son to save the world. If you believe that, then you are a Christian. The more you follow God and feel Him tugging at your heart, the more you will come to understand the rest.

Basically, don't get hung up on the "rules". Much of Christian teaching puts the cart before the horse...they tell you to follow rules before telling you who you are since Christ died and paid for your sins. Once you realize your identity as a Christian, then you will better understand the "rules".

Answer 4

Since you're getting beyond childhood, you have the responsibility to make a decision about believing in a more adult way. You're entering into more freedom, but it also means that you have a duty to do your best to seek the truth, and give fair consideration to the reasons for believing in the Faith.

So you should look for Catholic materials intended for adults, such as the "Catechism of the Catholic Church". To find reasons why the Church's teaching about sex makes sense (and really is beautiful) look for books and recorded lectures about "Theology of the Body".

Christian teachings were not invented yesterday, and the Church has an intellectual tradition lasting 2000 years, so there is a great wisdom and understanding about humanity in that tradition.

Answer 5

What you are questioning is not your faith but the religion you are in. And it is a good thing. It proves that you can actually still think, instead of being brainwashed by so many biased factors in your life. If your parents cant understand this (and I really think they wont) it is one more reason for you to question more. Never let people tell you what to do, but God. Your judgment is supported by God, and the fact that you are pro-gay means that you have kindness inside you and tolerance, like a true Christian. Gays were hated by humans not by God. God created them for a reason, dont forget that He works in mysterious ways. I am so proud of you and thankful that people like this exist. When you grow older follow your heart and soul and not directions and books. Maybe you are not meant to be catholic but just an open minded Christian in general who is meant to be kind and help people, instead of going to Church all the time and being told what to do. By the way I am an atheist, but I respect your beliefs and I have a true understanding of how Christianity works, thats why I refer to God as I believe in Him, because he is your God and if it gives you hope and makes you a better person then you are in my "friends" agenda :)
Peace.

Answer 6

I think at some point everyone has a moment where they question their faith. From what you've said, I don't think it's a matter of questioning your faith but rather you don't agree with everything. I agree with you that things in the bible are subject to change over time and i think that is something that God would understand. In my opinion, you are a "true" christian if you accept Christ, believe in god, and have complete faith in all that he does for us. If you know that Jesus is your savior and you continue to do what's right in his sight, that you are still being true to your faith. If you look around you will see that not every christian, devout or otherwise, is following or accepting some of those most fundamental beliefs. I suggest sitting down and opening your heart to god in prayer and telling him what you feel and your fears. He will tell you what to do and will guide you on the right path. Don't rely and yourself to make that decision. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understandings; think of Him in all your ways and He will guide you on the right paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Answer 7

No -- what you're going through is pretty common in your teens, and they might view it as rebellion and tighten the leash. On the other hand, I don't know your parents, and they might be willing to have open discussions about these things. There's no point in stirring up trouble, just do some research on other religions/philosophies and attend some classes when you go to college. You might even have an opportunity in High School to do a report on world religions.

Keep your mind open, but respect your parents rules and views. You'll probably find that this will be a lifelong journey of spirituality that many of us take. I honestly know very few people who REALLY follow their proclaimed religion (especially Catholics!). But also be savvy to all the garbage that's out there (especially on the web) to lure someone who's young, and perhaps naive away from those who love them.

Answer 8

I was also raised Catholic and like you, had some problems believing much of the man-made dogma and non-sensical doctrines of the Church.

For now, I would suggest you do some serious study on your own of other religious beliefs including new-age spirituality.

I have listed some reading material for you below in sources that really changed my point of view and liberated me from the confines of organized religion, while still allowing me to keep my unabiding faith in God, but with a different, expanded view of what I believe God is.

Answer 9

It's very normal for someone your age to question their faith. It's part of the process of separation and developing your own identity.

You might want to do some reading about different faiths--it's summer, make it a kind of research project. There are many ways of looking at things, even within Christianity--and there *are* people who profess to be Christians who look at the Bible very differently than you would think, with your major exposure to a single religion.

If you're uncomfortable in church and still feel you need to go, or are forced to go, take paper and pencil and make notes on the homily about things you question or need better explanations on. Go home and research them.

If you get up the nerve to talk to your parents you may find they had the same kind of thoughts when they were your age--or you may not. Even if they had them, they might not admit to them. Since you don't say what kind of relationship you have with them, you're going to have to make that call.

Hang in there! :)

Answer 10

No. Just go to church with them and be amused at the rituals. Continue to seek information, and question things. You may end up coming back to Catholicism after all, and no need to make waves if you don't have to. Just keep searching for answers. The Jews do it all the time.
P.S. I'm an atheist, but I don't think anyone should have blind faith in atheism or science, either. Knowing what you don't know is only a start, not an answer.

Answer 11

"I think some parts of the Bible are subject to change over time"
you cant change history just cuz you feel like it
tons of people write their own books to go along with the Bible acording to their views
but you cant just edit it, its not your writing anyway

everyone questions their faith at some point in time
just because you dont agree or arent sure about some of the doctrine doesnt mean youre not christian
christians believe in Jesus, everyone argues the other details
so no dont panic, just research a little and only consult your parents for advice if you dont believe in Jesus

I used to be a very involved Catholic but after questioning my faith (slowly over a few years) i have found that i disagree ALOT with the Catholic "rules" so now i'm just Christian

good luck to ya