We are curently trying to save up the $$ to put a new house on the land we have. We'd like to have a small Christmas this year, and only exchange gift with our kids, and perhaps something small for each set of parents. Problem is, we have several friends and also my sister-in-law and her family, my in-laws, and some cousins who are all very gift oriented, and into the commercialization of the holiday season (where my sister in law is concerned, it doesnt matter what she and her kids get, as long as she can tell it's costly!). My parents are in total agreement and we will only be enjoying a family meal out when the holidays arrive. I usually start my shopping about now, so I need to know WHO I'm gonna be buying for!
We'd like to approach them or even email them and basically say, "hey, give us the gift of letting us save up for our house and not having to buy y'all expensive crap this year."
See...I'm not a tactful person!!! What is the best approach to this situation, ettiqute-wise?
2006-07-01 15:14:09 · 15 answers · asked by MeMi96 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
The first person presented a very reasonable system.
If your friends/family/etc are close, simply tell them that you and your family are looking to save up money, and will unfortunately be unable to put aside a very large budget for Christmas this year, however, it would be your pleasure to have them all for dinner, or set up a secret santa (like the 1st answerer said) or a small gift-exchange between each other.
Hopefully, they'll all understand. I wish you luck.
2006-07-01 15:21:48 · answer #1 · answered by TalkingIsASport 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could propose a family name drawing, so that you only have to give gifts to a couple of people instead of everyone. My family does this.
Or you can just tell them honestly, "We're saving money this year and just can't have a big holiday. Let's just exchange cards and spend some time together, instead. How about drinks at my house Christmas Eve?"
As for when to tell them, you don't want to do it after they've bought your expensive gifts, but it's also odd to bring up Christmas in the middle of July. You should definitely broach the subject by Thanksgiving, which is the usual time to start thinking about Christmas. If they've already bought gifts by then, they probably kept the receipts and could exchange it if they like. Or they might decide that gifts are about giving, not receiving, and give it to you anyway.
The bottom line is that you do not have to give gifts that you cannot afford. So just don't start that holiday shopping. If you make your intentions known well before the holiday, you will avoid hurt feelings. You should offer some other sign of caring and well-wishing (which is what the gifts are supposed to be about anyway), like having the family over for drinks and desserts during the holidays.
2006-07-01 21:12:53 · answer #2 · answered by smurfette 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest, but be nice about it. Instead of gift-giving, maybe host a pot-luck party at your house to celebrate the holidays, and everyone can spend $5 or 10 for a little gift. Then put all the gifts under the tree, and have everybody draw a number. The person with number 1 goes first, number 2, second, and so on. They can either choose a new gift to open, or steal someone else's gift (a gift can only be stolen 2 times, the third time it's out of play. The first person, at the end, can choose to steal any gift (if they want to, since they went first). It's fun, crazy, and you don't have to spend a lot but everybody gets something. Just be sure to give a sample sheet of gift items, like chapsticks, gloves, hats, scarves, lotions, soaps, small toys, dvds, etc.
2006-07-01 17:51:52 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should sit down and write an email explaining that as much as you love the exchange of Christmas gifts you are unable to exchange this year because you are saving for a new house. If they are your true friends they will understand and they might be relieved that you suggested not exchanging. Just put it in a tactful and caring way. Explain to your kids and parents you want to exchange with them and put a limit on what everyone can spend on each other. The price of a gift doesn't really matter, what matters is that you thought enough of that person to take the time to go out and select a gift to give them.
2006-07-01 15:24:47 · answer #4 · answered by housershoney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think it may make too many waves, consider some inexpensive gifts made with love, this especially that involve the children, how could anyone get mad at that. Its good that you are planning far ahead as you can get the whole family involved in deciding whether its cookies, gifts in a jar or even a digital photo album. If there is enough time maybe you can make a personal book for each person on your list where each member of the family gets to contribute.
I 'm having too much fun here as I am doing gifts in a jar. Hot Chocolate and Soup (not together of course)
Good luck and have fun
2006-07-01 15:31:27 · answer #5 · answered by texasben 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Buying for all your family is too expensive. I come from a large family as well. We decided to do a "white elephant" gift exchange. We all brought something we'd like to have and wrapped it. We put all gifts in the middle of the floor. Drew numbers out of a Christmas Stocking. #1 get to choose a gift to open. #2 gets to take #1 or choose a gift to open. If the gift you chose to open gets Stole, you simply chose another from someone else opened or open a new one. It's so much fun and every one has a good chance of getting what they really want.
2006-07-03 15:14:41 · answer #6 · answered by knowsnothing 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to do what is best for your family. I think you should buy modest gifts for the children, and send emails explaining simply that you are buying only for the children and would like them to do the same with you- and explain why, of course. If ppl get bent out of shape, this will be unfortunate and uncomfortable, but you cannot change what other ppl do. You cannot put your family's dreams, future and well-being on hold because of other's materialistic ways. I know it's easy for me to say, however, I am married and my family comes first. Always. If they get upset, they will eventually get over it. You could end your email with something like "when we get the new house built, we will have a party" or something to that nature. Good luck!
2006-07-01 15:25:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My family just sat down one year and said you know it is really ridiculous for us to be giving each other gifts. We were basically just exchanging cash. We developed a system were you draw someones name from a hat that is not from your imediate family and only buy that person a gift. That way everyone still gets something but you dont have to dish out an arm and a leg on gifts.
2006-07-01 15:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by J J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they can understand that. If I were one of them I would perfectly understand. Besides, it's only July, so you've got almost half a year to explain your point to them. As for the actual words you're thinking of using, I just don't think I'd use the term "crap" there. As for the rest, it sounds a nice and original way to put it. They'd actually BE giving you a gift. The gift of not giving you a gift. That's original.
2006-07-01 18:39:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don;t E./Mail them as it would be too impersonal.
Call a family meeting together & explain to them that u & hubby r saving to buy a house.
Tell them not to purchase any gifts 4 your family, as u will be saving 4 house & will not be celebrating a traditional gift givig XMAS till u have your house 1st.
If they are a true family, they should be glad 4 u & your family's decision.**** Good-Luck & I'll pray 4 u to get through this difficult dilema.~~~~REBELCAT>>>>
2006-07-01 15:28:32 · answer #10 · answered by REBELCAT 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋