How do you feel about spanking?

Question

I was spanked as a child. Not abused, or beaten, just spanked. All three of my siblings and me were spanked with a belt by our father. Some people here say that spanking makes children violent or bad, but none of my siblings are. My oldest siblings both skipped grades in high school and have graduated from college and now have steady jobs. My sister and I go to one of the best schools in our area. She just had scores high enough or her SAT to be a National Acheivement Scholar. I'm in Honors and advanced math classes. None of us act out or are violent. The only time I ever hit anyone was in kindergarten and he had stolen something from me. So it worked out very well for us. What do you think about spanking.

Answer 1

Well, it sounds like you all turned out great. But it isn't because you were spanked. You have to look at the whole picture. There are many reasons in life on why you all became the people you are today. Using a belt is abuse and alot of parents still spank these days. My sister was spanked with a belt from our dad and she still carries issues with it today. There are many studies that show the effects on spanking and from a psychological point, it is wrong. If you look up child abuse on Yahoo, using a belt or a stick is considered physical abuse. If you can say that you have a great healthy relationship with your dad and feel that he is a soft place to fall in your life, then great for you.
I study child development and have 3 children. I never spank. I take away priviledges or use time out. These work for us. My children are well behaved, happy and respectful. I want them to trust us, not fear us.
This is what spanking and hitting a child will do:
It leads to fear and avoidance. It gives children confusing messages and makes them think that using violence to solve problems is okay. It can introduce problems later on as they grow up for example bullying others, agressive behavior, criminal behaviors, stealing and domestic violence. Parents will spank out of their own anger and frustration because it makes them feel better. I believe it also makes the child become sneaky. It doesn't stop the unwanted behavior long term and children will do anything to avoid being hit. They aren't given a chance to learn from their mistakes, learn how to solve problems, use good judgement, control emotions, or feel confident and secure. Important factors needed as adults in life. You basically change who they are when you hit them. It is hard to justify the admonition "Don't hit!" while the parents are spanking the child for hitting. I get so tired of hearing "I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine." It is just a wimpy, uneducated, destructive way of parenting. It is the parents who fail to give their child structure, or have no form of discipline that ruin their kids. Spanking isn't the only alternative. It just takes education and alot of hard work. And that "spare the rod, spoil the child" is misinterpreted. Proof below in this site.

Answer 2

It all depends on the character of the child. Some children need spanking because of this. Spanking should be done when necessary if the child is very rude or hits you or someone else or If they go into wild tantrums. After the spankings you must make up with your child and explain why you spanked him or her. If the child does not obey anyway you most consult a child psychologist so that the child is not abused by constant spankings. My wife and I never spanked out children because they always obeyed us. Today they are married, have children of their own and have steady jobs. If you can convince your child to be good and obey, there is no need for spankings.

Answer 3

I think anecdotal evidence is just that--something based on a casual observation in a very small, uncontrolled group. It simply is ridiculous to assume that based on a few characteristics or achievements that spanking did not harm you. You do not mention if any of you have kids, and if you have resorted to physical violence as a means of discipline. This is often where it shows up. And just because you have not identified it as a root cause of problems in your life, does not mean it does not exist for you or for any other person in the world.

And then there is the question of what kind of spankings you are talking about. I do not ever believe physical punishment is an acceptable solution, but I am more inclined to think a swat once in a blue moon is different than full fledged belt beatings nightly.

I think spanking is a ridiculous form of punishment. I am suprised grown adults cannot think of more effective solutions to discipline and teach their children. There are so many resources out there. I think it is something that manages to not achieve it's intention. It is not effective. There are many instances that people do not draw the line there. If you are beaten regularly, chances are you will be more inclined to beat your children. Or you may have tendencies towards that. The cycle of violence is vicious--be glad you escaped it, many are not so lucky. Sometimes violence is all someone knows. It teaches children that hitting is ok, it teaches them that they do not have to work towards or discuss a solution and that they can just whack each other, it teaches children violence on a casual basis. It has no merit in positive parenting.

My question would be: Why is it that when I beat my partner it is domestic violence? When I beat my neighbor it is assault? When I beat my dog it is animal cruelty? And when I beat my child it is discipline? That just boggles my mind.

Answer 4

I believe in spanking in some situations. I have one child that I do not spank. It affects him differently than my other two. I can more effectivly discipline him by time out or taking away something. My other two, however, I have to spank to get them to mind. Time outs do not work with them. They are becoming a little more effective now that they are getting a little older. You should NEVER spank when you are angry though under no circumstance. I don't think that children who are over 5 or 6 should be spanked. By then, there is probably a more effective way. If you are a person who is angered easily or if you loose your temper, you should probably find a better way to disclipine. It all depends on the children and the parent.

Answer 5

The subject is highly controversial. I, the oldest, and my two sisters were spanked. We have all spanked our kids and none of us, nor our children have violent tendencies. As a matter of fact there were few times I had to administer a spanking to my three sons.We all respect and love each other. As a mater of fact we all are a very close family. In my opinion spanking is a positive tool for parents who understand that it must be accompanied by love and understanding. They must always strive to relate to their children the difference between good and evil and set the example.
Too many people today do not have respect for their fellow man and feel that the world owe them because they did not get proper training from their parents. They were allowed to do what they pleased throughout their childhood and thus are detrimental to society.

Answer 6

Being spanked doesn't always make a person violent or abusive to their own children, but it does greatly increase the odds. As far as your scholastic achievements are concerned, an argument could be made that spanking had a role in molding your personality into one that is overly compliant, eager to please authorities, obedient, etc. Not that this is necessarily the case, of course. There's just so many better ways to get children to behave well and respect others than by fear of getting hit. As Asimov said, "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."

Answer 7

I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT HITTING or SMACKING A CHILD TEACHES THEM ANYTHING BUT; THAT IT HURTS TO GET HIT. I ALSO THINK THAT IT TEACHES THEM TO HIT OTHER CHILDREN TO GET WHAT THEY WANT AND IT TURNS CHILDREN INTO BULLIES. THINK ABOUT IT, IT COMES FULL CIRCLE. YOU HIT A CHILD (with the intention of teaching a lesson) HE HITS SOMEONE ELSE, THEN WHAT DO YOU DO TO TEACH HIM NOT TO HIT?

I was also spanked it did not make me a bad or violent person per say but, I do not believe it teaches self control. I think it it is easier to solve a problem by spanking than by taking the higher road. We are our children's best & worst examples but, first we must choose how we want to be seen by them. They see and learn EVERYTHING from us. The following is a previous answer I gave on discipline for a 1 yr old.

When my son 14mo, is getting into things that he shouldn't I use my NO voice to get his attention. Once NO, then if I have to call his attention again then I move him a foot or so away and squat down (blocking the object) to look him in the eye and repeat NO and stand up but, I remain in his way blocking the object. Then I give him something that is safe for him to play with (DISTRAACTING HIM) and move him far away from the object.

If you are asking because you have children then I reccomend a book called "The baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg she also has a second book "The baby Whisperer For Toddlers". I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Spanking in my opinion, turns into hitting than punching, and who knows what else. A tap on the Butt is one thing, BUT when you hit a child while you are angry you are not in your right senses so Take an alternative soloution. Time outs, a EXTREMELY SEVERE tone of voice etc. Children can get frustrating BUT they are Children and have not developed emotionally yet. Antagonism draws antagonism. Watch nanny 911 on television she has some GREAT alternative ideas and soloutions to some Very difficult child situations good luck God Bless

Answer 9

I think spanking is ok for somethings, but never ever with a belt or paddle. I also think the punishment should fit the crime. My mother would make us do the worst chores ever when we got in trouble. I like to do things that my child doesn't like so she remembers that if she breaks the rules she isn't going to like what happens. But there are occasions that they just need a good spanking. I would like to add that it is not against the law to spank your shild it is against the law to leave marks on your child, and make sure your not spanking them just cause you lost your temper because they didn't do exactly what you told them.

Answer 10

There isn't one thing wrong with spanking your child as long as you are not angry when you do it. The child has to be able to realize that it is the behavior and not them that the spanking is speaking to. That's why the backside was created, however there comes a time when spanking just doesn't work anymore.