who has a good joke?

Answer 1

Coming Home Late

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL
wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up
the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's a_s_s and say, 'How about a B_J?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

Answer 2

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.

She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go the party.

In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."

Answer 3

A Engineer dies and goes to heaven,
when he arrives at the gates he
is told there was a mixup
and he was supposed to go to hell.
So he gets in the elevator
and is instantly transported to hell.
After a few days the engineer
decides hell needs soom fixing
up so he
installs some faucets with cold icewater,
a swimming pool, and best
of all AIR CONDITIONING!
A week later the Devil receives a phone call from god,
God tells him
there has been a mistake,
the engineer was supposed to be in heaven.
The Devil grins and says,
"Well its too late, we have him and we are
going to keep him."
God thinks for a minute and replies, " I'll sue!"
The devil respones with a loud burst of laugher,
"ahhhHA HA,
youwhowho, HEEHEEHEE!
Where are YOU going to get the lawyers!"

Answer 4

I love the Halloween party joke! Here's one...

A minister's son saw a dead bird in the yard and thought it was only right that he have a proper burial. He ended the eulogy "In the name of the Father, the Son, and in the hole he goes!"

Answer 5

How do you get an 80 year old lady to say "fu**"?


By having another 80 year old lady say, "Bingo!"

Answer 6

I DO.

Q: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE PLAYGROUND???

A: TO GET TO THE OTHER SLIDE

Answer 7

what do you call a deer with no eyes?
no idea (no eyed deer)

Answer 8

what do you call a hooker from alaska?


a frostitute.

Answer 9

i have