Whenever I go out I want to self harm?

Question

I've struggled with pretty much constant self harm for the past couple of years and I'm trying to recover now. I've been doing not TOO badly but any time I go out with friends or drink alcohol I have a huge urge to self harm.

I know what everyone's going to say - that alcohol is a depressant and it makes me feel down leading to the urge to self harm, but it's not always like that.

Some nights I can go out, have a few drinks and have a really good night, enjoy myself with my friends. But as soon as I come home I really want to cut. Even if I DON'T drink, I still want to self harm. Sometimes it makes sense, like if I haven't had a good night and feel a bit down, but other times I can have had a good night but still really want to self harm when I get home.

It's not even so much when I get home, I can be half way through the night and the urge just hits me out of nowhere, but I've stopped carrying blades around with me (I used to).

What's it all about??!!!

I'm under the care of a psychiatrist and have been for the past 18 months. I'm on antidepressants and this is me "better".......my psychiatrist thinks my depression is in remission, but I still struggle with the self harm a lot.

I should make it clear that I don't have a problem with alcohol at all. I drink maybe once a week and I never have more than a couple of drinks.

I DO NOT self harm for attention. I NEVER cut my arms where anyone would see, I only cut my legs and I'm very ashamed of the fact that I cut. I hide it from practically everyone, very few people know of my problem with self harm and I don't want people to find out about it either. I hate the fact that everyone assumes it's about attention, it's NOT. I started because I hated myself so much and felt I needed to punish myself. I got relief from cutting. I had something to focus on apart from what was going on inside my head. The physical pain proved that I was alive.......I was still able to feel SOMETHING, even if it was only physical pain.

Self harm is not always about attention and being horrible to people isn't helpful. If you can't be nice or supportive, if you can't give help or advice, simply don't answer the question. Because being nasty, telling people they're stupid and attention seeking just makes them feel worse.

Answer 1

People self harm for many different reasons. It usually stems from a lack of self confidence and low self esteem. It can also stem from deep rooted psychological problems. Self harming is also highly addictive as when we do it the body releases natural pain relief called endorphins. So, technically every time you do this you get a surge of pain relief. It has also been known to intefere with our happy hormones, such as serotonin and noradrenalin. These hormones together can make us feel high and elated. Probably the total opposite of how you generally feel? Unfortunately though, like any drug, are body becomes tolerant and hence we have to do it more in order to sustain the same physical and psychological effects There is evidently something going on for you emotionally. Perhaps you do not feel able to delve that deep or perhaps your mind is just not ready to cope with deep psychological pain. Self harming, I agree is not a form of attention seeking it is more to do with communicating how we feel emotionally. If you are unable to communicate your thoughts and feelings in your everyday life then you need a form of release. Some people drink, take drugs, overeat and over excercise in order to deal with this. Are you a deeply insecure person, who finds it difficult to fit in and say no to others? Do you not feel worthy of receiving love from your friends and family? Do you take criticism badly? Look, whatever the reasons are behind your behaviour you must get some help sooner rather than later. You have come to rely on self harm as a way of coping with everyday living, but there are many other things that you can do which are both healthy and enjoyable. Next time you want to self harm write down how you were feeling, what you had just been doing beforehand and how you felt after you had cut. Try also to keep a daily diary of your thoughts and feelings. Look at what makes you sad and depressed and, indeed what makes you happy. This way you may be able to find the triggers associated with self harm and the connections between emotional feelings and the act itself. In the meantime go and see your Doctor and get referred for treatment. You have made the first step tonight by asking this question. Therefore in my eyes you are ready to do something about it. But remember even though others can support you, ultimately it is you that will have to put in the hard work. Good luck. PS There is a website for self harmers. Go to Google and type in the self harmers association. But please do not use this over proper professionals.

Answer 2

People self harm for a number of reasons! I am not a self harmer and feel that you will know more about this topic than even a doctor would! however, self harm makes you feel good. If not now it did at one time, therefore you are addicted to this behaviour and the feeling you get when you self harm. Just as an alcoholic is addicted to drinking and the feeling that drinking once gave him or her.....we become addicted to things which make us feel good and at one point self harming made you feel good. It gave you a way to cope and go to bed happy, or contented because you had released any ill feelings you had. Therefore you may feel you want to self harm when times are good as it will give you the contented feeling you may desire. I'm sure by now you will have sought professional help and i wish you good luck, when you do self harm, do it safely!

Answer 3

most people don't self harm for attention i know... you cover it up as best you can right? it feels like all this pressure has built up inside you and your just releasing it... it eventually goes away suddenly one day you realise that your happy and that it hasn't happened in a while i can't give you anyway to stop it because it's about you not anybody else... **** it i'm scared to say i did it because my user name is a bit obvious but who cares.

i did it for years and years and then i got to a point where i was content... i admit on bad days i find myself there again but its been a while drink never made a difference for me but if it does for you maybe thats something to look at my friends have been the same through out so again that never made a difference but you might wnat to look at that to, this isn't about what it was like for anyone else your you these are your problems all i can say is


be happy you deserve to be happy!

Answer 4

Usually there's something wrong in someone's life. Usually cutting is a form of a call for help. People see the cuts, therefore know something is wrong and may be able to help/ask you if they can help you or "what's wrong".

If YOU don't know why your cutting, no one can tell you why. Except maybe your best friend. Ask them. If you already know why your cutting, stop looking for attention and pity. Deal with your problem(s) and stop hurting yourself. Good luck.

Answer 5

You have to find out why you want to harm yourself. Were you sexually abused and blame yourself? Is this a learned behavior?
Do you like pain? See a doctor and get to the root of this problem.

Answer 6

Physical pain is much easier to deal with than emotional pain. Find out what's hurting you emotionally and your urges to physically hurt yourself will subside.

Answer 7

i'll be blunt, you got issues. you need to seek professional helpand or be put on meds. you don't think you need a pill to be happy? it's not like that, the meds will HELP you be happy. don't think you should be drinking either.

Answer 8

go to a web site called: panicsurvivor.com. There are many people and stories you can read and relate to. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Have you sought professional help? You're life is too valuable for this.

Answer 10

i understand believe me. its becuase you are scared about those feeling returning, and what others may think of you keep doing what you are doign to help you quit email me if you want to talk