2006-07-01 13:40:05 · 19 answers · asked by DonnaDoop 4 in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. While her dad is getting his hair cut, the girl begins eating a snack cake. While she's eating, she walks over and stands right next to the barber's chair. The barber looks down and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
"I know," the little girl replies. "I'm gonna get boobies, too."
LOL
2006-07-01 13:43:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
man walks into bar with a monkey on his shoulder. Bartender says "you cannot bring him in here!" but, the man convinces the bartender that the monkey will behave, and orders a whiskey. The monkey jumps off the man's arm, grabs the whiskey from him, and drinks it. Runs over to the peanut basket, shoves them all in this mouth, throws a glass at the mirror behind the bar and shatters it, runs over to the pool table and swallows the cue ball. The man apologizes, writes out a check, and leaves.
two weeks later, the man returns with the monkey. the bartender says "absolutely not!" but, the man swears the monkey is a changed monkey, and he will behave. The bartender agrees to let them stay, and gives the man a whiskey. The monkey slowly slides down the man's arm, creeps over to the peanut basket, picks up a peanut, sniffs it, shoves it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it. He repeats this several times. Finally, the bartender asks the man what is up with the monkey. The man replies "ever since the cue ball, he measures what he eats before he eats it".
HAHAHAHA
2006-07-01 13:46:49 · answer #2 · answered by Tyrtyl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
2006-07-01 13:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by MODEL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like jokes and i just passed 2 through here,both clean family jokes. the first good and a lot of smart replys so I deleted it.
the second is still there, and will be deleted too, if it gets lots of smart replys from assh****
so sorry I'm not going to put any more on here, ever.
2006-07-01 13:44:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wayne Rooney
2006-07-01 13:42:46 · answer #5 · answered by Burnsie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man goes into hospital with bowel problems a particularly sexy nurse shows him to his bed that he will sleep in for the night (op in the morn)during the night he has a movement . the man is mortified so he gathers up the sheets and throws them out the window .at that point a drunk man is passing and the sheets land on him.he screams and bawls throws punches,kicking and generally gos nuts .security run round the building and find the drunk with the soiled sheets at his feet .they ask him what the hell is wrong . he replies "i think i just beat the **** out of a ghost"
2006-07-01 13:56:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two chickens and a moose are white water rafting one chicken turns to the other and says I'm not sure were this joke is going but I'm sure I will not enjoy the outcome.
2006-07-01 13:52:24 · answer #7 · answered by steven m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tree friends go to the movies with they`r tree girl friends, in the comercials the guys go to the bathroom, when one of them say`s : "- Hey guys did you know that my girl friend watched "the tree stuges" and had 3 kids ?, and another add`s : "-What a coincidence ?!? My girl watched "Snow white and the 7 dwarves" and had 7 children ! Then the 3-rd one, therified, says : "Oh boy.........bye guys, I gotta go, my girl is just watching "101 Dalmatians"........... ;-)
2006-07-01 23:06:12 · answer #8 · answered by VNGelis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bruce is driving over the Sydney HarbourBridge one
day when
he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell
d'ya think you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says,
"G'day Bruce.
Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce
gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag,
but you're a real sport too." And drives off.
2006-07-01 13:53:01 · answer #9 · answered by murnblood 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes
2006-07-02 11:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by doodlebug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋