i'm a little mad can any body cheer me up with a joke that would be nice?

Answer 1

ok i got 1, its kind of long tho

ok this kid and his mom were at home while his dad was at work.

her boyfriend came over and they were about to do it, then the dad came home, so she put her boyfriend and the boy in the closet


boy- sure is dark in here,

boy-do u like my baseball bat?''
man-yes
boy-''im selling it''
man-o thats good
boy-''wana buy it''
man-no thanks
boy-''ok i guess ill tell my dad''
boy-no! ill buy it how much?
boy-''500 dollars''
man-ok


so the next day the same thing happens the dad comes home and the wife puts them in the closet

boy- sure is dark in here

man-yep
boy- im selling my baseball wana buy it
man- no thanks
boy- ok i guess ill go get my dad
man- no no dont do that, how much?
boy- 500 dollars
man- ok fine

the next day the father asks his son if he wants to play baseball

boy- no thanks
dad- why not?
boy- i sold them for 1000 dollars
dad- u cheated ur friends out of 1000 dollars, were going to the church to repent

when they get to the church the boy goes into the confessional booth


boy- it sure is dark in here
Man- DONT START THAT Sh**!!


lol the preacher was the wifes boyfriend

Answer 2

Here ya go:

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from America and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

Jimmy had married a woman from Canada. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a British girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a gardener....

LOL

Answer 3

Why are you choosing to be angry? It is just an illusion you know. We choose to get angry. No two people see it the way we see things. My best example would be if we went to another country and didn't speak the language and someone said something insulting and we just looked at them with the deer in the headlight look because we didn't understand them, how could we get angry right? That is the way to see life in general! If you choose to not speak the language and move on then there was no point in staying angry right? Choose not to be this way! All of life is just a mindset remember that.

Answer 4

Some years ago, I was out with a relatives and friends at a local club. We all rotated clubs because we were a bunch of mixed nuts so to speak. Most of the straights liked going to the gay bar because the drinks were great. One of my relatives was blaster-ed when we arrived and some of the details of the bar were left out, he was just happy to have a drink in his hands. As the night progressed he met this wonderful lady and wanted to go home with her. The group decided that we should tell him that we were at a gay bar and the the lady he had been dancing with all night was a lesbian. My cousin asked what was a lesbian and we explained. As he were walking out of the club, he shouted for all to hear that he was a lesbian too because he loved women.

Answer 5

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

Answer 6

lets see um this is kinda funny lol

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"

Answer 7

a man walks into a bar with a salamander in his hand. the bartender asks what the salamaders name is and the man says "tiny"
tiny? thinks the bartender. that thing is huge.
why is he called tiny? asks the bartender
the man replies "because, he's my newt"

hahha, get it? its a play on the words my newt and minute!

Answer 8

hi my name is jack,but don't ever say hi to me at an airport!

Answer 9

what do you do when there's a kidnapping



Wake them up