Rude Bride?!?

Question

I recently went to a friend's wedding and bought her and her new husband a really nice gift. It has been more than one month since the wedding and I have not received a thank you not. How rude!! I was thinking of calling the bride and saying something to the effect of, "Hey...I thought I'd call you now that things have settled down. How did you and (hubby's name) like the ...??" I'm offended that she has not followed this simple, obligatory rule of etiquette!!

Whoops...that's "thank you NOTE". LOL.

Um...their wedding was a little on the thrifty side, so I highly doubt that she is waiting to send pictures to everyone who attended. That's still not an excuse! She could have had portraits done beforehand. I had another friend do that...they included their engagement photo in each invitation. This couple had an engagement photo and it was displayed at their wedding. So, in short, they could have sent photos before!

No, poundermom, you're incorrect. The old rule of etiquette is that you have up to one month after the wedding to send out the thank you notes. This has, in recent times, been extended to two months, because some people take longer honeymoons, or to allow the couple time to get settled in a new residence. Three months is ridiculous.

Oh yeah...for all you goofs who think you can send a thank you note for up to a year afterward, here is my source to back up what I believe: When to Send Them

You always should acknowledge and thank someone for a gift - right away!

The rule of etiquette for thank you notes... for gifts received before the wedding, you should send out a thank you note within two weeks. For gifts received after the wedding, you have up to one month to send out your thank you notes. However, it has become acceptable today to send wedding thank you notes up to two months after the wedding, especially if you take a long honeymoon or invited several hundred guests!
http://www.usabride.com/wedplan/a_thankyou_notes.html

And for the record, I did NOT give a gift for personal recognition.

Answer 1

What nationality is the new family? Some cultures is not part of etiquette send thank you notes. Anyways do not read too much into it. With everything going on in her new life she probably don't remember who gave her what. If it is so important for you her opinion in your gift. Call her and ask her directly. You must be a good friend when you got an invite. So go for it or just let it rest for the sake of friendship.

Answer 2

I can see why you'd be a bit miffed, but at the same time, most couples don't even open the gifts until after the homeymoon, and if a lot of people gave gifts, it can take forever. It's entirely possible that she's had to wade through the stuff given by fussy great aunts who will absolutely have a heart attack if they don't recieve a thank you so fast it'll break the sound barrier. She might figure you'll be a little more relaxed about this sort of thing.

You could always call her, ask her how she's settling in, ask how the honeymoon was, did she like her presents? Is there anything you can do to help her get into her new life? that sort of thing. You'll probably find out what you want to know, and will come off as caring, and only a little nosy. It really is typical not to hear from a new married couple for a long time, and i hate not hearing how well someone liked a gift i gave them, just because I want to know if I succeeded in doing something good, that I'll often give it informally some time before the wedding. A horrible breach in etiquette, by the way!

Answer 3

They usually have one year to send thank you cards, if my Miss Manners trivia knowledge is correct.

Remember that many people go on a honeymoon (let's say they went for two weeks). When you get back, there's work. Then, there's the mess of getting two lives in one household, if they haven't already been living together. Lastly, there are generally a lot of gifts if it was a big wedding. You have to make a list to be sure that you're going to thank everyone accurately. This could take several days.

If you do two cards a night, six days a week, and you had 150 gifts to write thank-you cards for, it would take about three weeks to just write out the cards with normal everyday life progressing. A good thank-you requires thought and time. To be generous, it could take a full month to complete the cards, after the three weeks just getting ready to write out the cards accurately.

Answer 4

Actually, you are incorrect. A bride has at least 3 months to get the Thank You notes out. Some will even go longer than this, if they ordered special Thank You notes.
Also, if they went on a honeymoon, they wouldn't have wanted to do thank you notes then.
Give them a break. If you don't hear from them in 4 months, ask them then.

UPDATE:
I don't know if you are married or not, but once you start planning a wedding, you learn about etiquitte! This is from http://www.idoinnj.com/thank_yous.htm

When to Send the Note

It is appropriate to send your note of thanks as soon as possible, and never later than three months after the wedding. (Of course, if three months comes and you have not yet sent them, DO IT! Late is better than never!) Your promptness shows more appreciation and better manners, and it reassures guests that their gift was not lost or stolen.

If you get gifts before the wedding, you should send immediate thank-you notes for them.

Answer 5

I am sorry you feel this way. I don't think she is being rude-she probably has a million things to do.

I got married six months ago and I know I did not get all of my thank you notes out the first month. I had to move, start a new job, get accounts and other things changed, get new furniture (I live out in the middle of nowhere so all of this took some time) visit family for Christmas etc.
Hopefully she is just as busy as I was and not rude.

Answer 6

Yes, you are right, it is rude, but maybe she hasn't gotten around to it, did she move into a new place? Some weddings take up to 3 months to receive thank yous. Don't be mad over something like that it could ruin your friendship. Some people are just snobby like that and expect to receive nice gifts for their weddings or maybe her parents didn't teach her any manners, either way...I wouldn't buy her anything else (example baby shower girt) until she learns to appreciate you wanting to spend your hard earned money on her.

Answer 7

First, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt for now, and wait another 6 weeks or so before concluding that no thank you letters are forthcoming. Then you call the bride's mother and ask her to discreetly check and make sure your gift arrived safely. If it hasn't, you want to buy a duplicate. Mother will then give the bride the hello kitty she so richly deserves.

If you delivered your gift personally, then your concern is that it was "lost" in the excitement and bustle of the occasion.

Answer 8

It's been a little over one month, maybe your gift is still in the wrapping paper. You calledher a friend. It's hard to tell. Get your panties out of a bunch, and give the newlyweds time to know each other. Don't hate or be jealous. Get yourself a husband to get lost from this crazy world with it's self centered people who only give gifts for personal recognition.

Shame on you!!!! You are going to a warm place!!!!

Answer 9

According to most of the etiquette books - and I had to read them all as a church director of music for decades - the bride and groom have up to a year to acknowledge gifts - just as invited guests (who may or may not have attended) have a year to send a gift.

give them time. If they fail to acknowledge your gift before their first anniversary, then send them a note of congratulations and NICELY ask what they thought of your gift.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, the art of thank you notes is becoming obsolete. My daughter was in a wedding last weekend. She spent right at $300 for the dress, shoes, nail and hair, jewelry and time missed from work. The bride acted like a total hussy at the wedding and never so much as said thank you...You may be waiting a long time for any kind of thanks...