can somebody tell me a joke?

Question

the best joke gets 10 points!!

Answer 1

The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen't it rain on you?

Roses are red, Violents are blue monkeys
like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.


When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !


A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro,
and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."

Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok.
In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of Supporting a friend.

Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see Bubble in the bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."


First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next."
You sweet Girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."

Answer 2

OK,check these out,i hope ur not a blonde

The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.
So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.
The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.
They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos -- after all, they now had their own department at the university.
So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department, which sports the saying: "I Belong in B.E.D."

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it`s not legal."
"That doesn`t matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.
Officer, "May I see your licence?
Lady, "What does it look like?"
Officer, "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it."
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says, "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."

I hope one of them gets rewarded as the best.

Answer 3

A Engineer dies and goes to heaven,
when he arrives at the gates he
is told there was a mixup
and he was supposed to go to hell.
So he gets in the elevator
and is instantly transported to hell.
After a few days the engineer
decides hell needs soom fixing
up so he
installs some faucets with cold icewater,
a swimming pool, and best
of all AIR CONDITIONING!
A week later the Devil receives a phone call from god,
God tells him
there has been a mistake,
the engineer was supposed to be in heaven.
The Devil grins and says,
"Well its too late, we have him and we are
going to keep him."
God thinks for a minute and replies, " I'll sue!"
The devil respones with a loud burst of laugher,
"ahhhHA HA,
youwhowho, HEEHEEHEE!
Where are YOU going to get the lawyers!"

Answer 4

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 5

A wife and husband are driving along a winding road. The husband turns to his wife (who's driving), and says, "Mary, I'm having an affair." The wife doesn't respond. "It's with your friend, Joan." Still no response. "She's pregnant, and I'm divorcing you to marry her." The wife nods silently. The husband sputters, "Is that all? Don't you have something to say???" The wife accelerates the car and states, "My side has an airbag."

Answer 6

Blonde in a boat.
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

Redneck Driver's License Application

Last name: ________________
First name (check appropriate box):


[_] Billy-Bob
[_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe
[_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray
[_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue
[_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae
[_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bobby-Beth-Ann
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:

[_] Farmer

Answer 7

One day a husband was chiding his blonde wife about leaving her keys in
the ignition of her car.

"If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned.

"Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" the husband countered.

"Oh that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a spare key in the
glove box!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were at a swim meet competing in the
breaststroke.

The redhead barely beat the brunette for first but the blonde was way
behind the entire race.

When she finally got to the finish line the blonde gasped, "No fair!
You guys used your arms!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My kids love going on the Internet and they keep track of their
passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked
why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they said it has to have at least four
characters."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Q. How do you know you're staying in a redneck hotel?

A. When you call the front desk to say, "I've gotta leak in my sink,"
and the person at the desk says, "Go ahead."

i hope you liked them!!! enjoy!!!

Answer 8

an old man told me this while i was waiting tables a few days ago(i'm expecting, and its a girl)

girls are much easier to make...



you have the pattern right in front of you



hope you thought it was as cute as i did.

Answer 9

I know a lot of jokes. how clean do you want it?

try this one on someone.....knock, knock
who's there?
interupting cow
as soon as they start to say interupting cow who?, you start to moo at them.

Answer 10

God made oceans
God made lakes
God made u
But we all make mistakes