Please help with my dilemma?

Question

My parents are threatening to disown me if I continue to stay with my bf. my bf doesn't believe in god (he says he is athiest), and my family is christian. I am christian too, and I didn't know he was an athiest until after I fell for him. he is a good guy tho, and he treats me better than any man has. but I worry about our differences, like he believs in premarital sex and I dont (although with my ex we sinned a lot in this area) - but he is willing to wait until marriage with me. Anyways, the problem is my parents say they will kick me out of the house if I stay with this guy. they keep trying to encourage me to get back with my ex, who attends church and is christian, but I left him since he hit me - but he says he regrets it etc. WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE HELP.

Answer 1

I think you should stick to your guns. If hes as nice as you say he is and treats you good and is willing to wait for you, then you found a good guy, regardless or religion.

Sounds like you need to sit down and have a serious talk with your parents. Make sure you're comfortable with his lack of religion and udnerstand how its going to affect your future, such as him not wanting to go to church with you and problems you could have with raising your children because your parents will probably bring this up.

Let them know about the situation with your ex boyfriend hitting you. Any good parent would not want their children put into that situation, and if you have to, bring in other people like a minister who understands the situation and is on your side.

Assuming you aren't over 18, your parents can't really kick you out of their home. If they do you can go to the police and explain it to them. Under the age of 18 you are their dependant and its their job as a parent to keep you sheltered, fed, and clothed. Its the responsibility they took on when they choose to have you.

But yeah, stick to your guns. Don't just give in because they are threatening you. A guy like this one may not come around again. You may not be with him forever but your parents have no right to say you cannot date someone because of their religion or lack of religion, although they can try their damned hardest to. (This is assuming there isn't something you aren't telling us about him)

And make sure your parents know all the good points as opposed to your ex's bad points. If anything you should at least convince them of the shortcommings of your ex. You should never be with someone who hits you and no one should be trying to get you to be with someone like that.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Your parents must be sick to want you to get back with a guy who hits you..christian or not. This atheist fellow might be the best thing going for you right now. Talk to your parents hope you told them about the guy who hit you, call this fellow home to meet them and perhaps they will see that he really is a great guy. You are christian your ex was christian and you fooled around already. If you can do it with this guy who hit you you can surely do it with this nice guy. However if you two plan to wait till marriage it is just as good coz then you are sure that you two really love each other and are willing to wait. Being a good atheist guy is anyday better than being a christian in name alone.

Answer 3

Your parents can not choose who you should be with. What they should be interested in is how he treats you and how he lives his life. Not all people believe in God but they do believe in a higher power. I'll ask you these questions and think about them before you answer them to yourself. If he is strong in at least 2 of these areas then hang with it and see how it goes. The first question is , how dose he enhance your life emotionally, spiritually, and with money. Dose he try to stop you from practicing your faith? If he doesn't , try to stress these thing to your parents and also tell them of his willingness to wait until marriage before being physical when others have not. It seems to me that he follows the christian faith better then your last boyfriend. But the ex don't look back. Hope this helps and good luck. Be honest its the best way to go.

Answer 4

First, don't go back with your previous boyfriend. Once a guy hits you, that should be it.

I think your parents kicking you out of the house is a little harsh, but seriously: what are the chances that you and this new guy will break the rules of your faith over time?

Is this guy worth that?

By the way, do your parents know the first guy hit you?

If yes, why would they still want you back with him?

I guess I'm asking you more questions than you asked us. I'll conclude by saying, these things too shall pass. You will meet other guys/life will go on. Don't forget who you are or what you believe...

Answer 5

You did not say how old you are.. if you are under age I would say that you need to pay attention to your parents. Think about this.. can you honestly say that you could be happy with some one who does not believe in God as you yourself do? Keep things at a distance for now, calm down, also you don't have to get back with your ex... Just be with yourself for now. Try to mend things with your parents. Again I don't know what age you are but your parents are probably the most important relationship you will have right now. If your ex hit you.... look elsewhere. Just don't stray too far from where you are as someone who believes in God.

Answer 6

Dump your parents if they are going to be that narrow minded!!!
Your ex was a 'christian' you say, yet you still had sex before marriage and he beat you...(he WILL do it again)
Listen to your heart, girl! Your God is there, not in the material world of corruption, hypocrisy and bigotry.
Sex can be up to 50% of a healthy, long lasting relationship! Waiting until you're married may cause problems, like most relationships made that way. Your current b/f sounds like he's good for keeping you grounded and not caught up in the extremist side of religion.

Good luck, I sincerely wish you the very best of judgement.
Your parents are(sorry) not helping you at all to be a true person to your beliefs.
Christianity is not all it makes itself out to be, believe me..

CHRISTIANS...any chance you can put down your stupid, unrealistic ideals for ONE moment to actually try and HELP this girl??? Simply telling her to "pray to god and he will make everything better" Is IRRESPONSIBLE in the extreme! She needs constructive advice, not your idea of how she should practise her faith!! Get of your bloody high horses and use a bit of tact and logic, for ONCE, please. "He will make it all better"? Isn't that against the fact that 'He' gives you 'Trials' to overcome!!?? DAMN, you people can be foolish sometimes...

conradmex, "Christians don't hit their ladies"...obviously you can't READ...or are just incredibly stupid to say such a thing? Do you KNOW that for fact, do you?? You have a camera in every christians' home!?? There's keeping the faith, bud, then there's LYING to keep the faith...use your brain when trying to 'help' someone in need.

Answer 7

Not sure what to say not knowing any of those involved. One thing I have found to be consistent is family is always family and boyfriends come and go. Also the ways of God are the only ones that lead to satisfaction and good and trying to say "sorry God "but my ways are better than yours is just to try to go against Him and He will win. If you are indeed a Christian you know what you should do and is not shacking up, and its not having a boyfriend who is not Christian. Not saying things will be easy but the easy way out often is not the best way out. Do you really think that God will not give you something much better if you trust Him?

Answer 8

Tell your parents that, aren't Christians suppose to love and help others to see the right way. Sounds to me that they are going by the basis of do as I say, not as I do. As for your EX. you did the right thing, stay away from him, if he hit you once he'll do it again and it will only get worse. Christians who hit women, now there is a contradiction of terms! Can't help but wonder if it makes him feel like a real man? He's a loser and you did the right thing.

Answer 9

My reply could come accross as harsh to the non-believers. But, If you are Truly of the Christian Faith You can not remain yoked to this non-believer. This is in direct opposition to God's Word. You already know this if you have any Christian instruction at all.

You need councel from your pastor and/or women within your congrigation who are versed in these issues.

If you were abused by your ex who professes to be of The Faith. You, IMO, were correct to get out. But that dose not justify your current relationship.

I would invite you to visit my website and read some of my pov on The Submissive Wife. you may if you like read at:

http://pages.zdnet.com/mikevanauken/mikesinternetoutreach/id56.html

If you are thinking that your"good" guy will change and accept your faith... He may... but it is far more likly he will not... If you are not firm and fully commited to Christ. And it souds like you have doubts about your faith. You will, in all likely hood Go the way of your studmuffin. I can almost compleatly assure you... you will one day find yourself very much regreating the choise you are makeing...... been there done that.... from the other side of the gender fence....

I would welcome your comments on my site if you do visit.

I respond to email questions from all honest seekers.

EDIT NOTE:...Janine J... I see you do not accept email.... Please know that I am where your parents are right now. I know the pain they are feeling. To be torn between Faith in The One True God. And ones own Daughter is not an easy issue to deal with. I will, in all likely hood never have a relationship with my daughter again. She has gone over to the side against God and chosen the b/f as you call him. over all That God offers... you can not know the pain this caused so many... not just me... but all of those who knew the great potential she had to grow in Christ. not only did she turn from me. but from all of her church family who loved her as well... Think hard on what you are doing... but ultimatly the harm that you are doing to yourself. Please do not turn from God. If you do not then you will also not turn from your parents and all who love you in Christ's name.
My daughter and I were Baptized togeather... The pain is great right now.

Answer 10

You should always check to see if a potential mate is a Christian just to avoid situations like this. Oh well. now that it is done, lets move on. Since you are a Christian I am assuming that you do know you and your boyfriend are "unequally yoked" and 2nd Corinthians 6:14 says Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
My first thing would be to break up with your current boyfriend. I know he may be your knight in shining armor now, especially in comparison with your ex, but you are only setting yourself up for failure I believe, especially when you know that God has already said it won't work.
2nd, I do not think that you should hook back up with your ex. Do your parents know about him hitting you and ya'll sinning in the sexual area, if so they surely would not be encouraging your getting back with him. I do not believe your parents really want to kick you out, they are probably hoping that they can push you into making what they know to be the correct decision of not being with your current boyfriend. I think it is brave of your parents to risk losing you or you hating them in order to save you from future hurt or pain.
Maybe at this time you should not try to be invested in a romantic relationship. I think you should try to fill any voids you think are being filled by your current boyfriend or were filled by your ex with a relationship with God. He says seek ye 1st the kingdom of God and all else will follow, to me that means that in your case if you put everything you have into building up your relationship with Him and when he thinks you are ready he will send someone your way. PS- My ex and I struggled in the same area as you and urs, I'm still a virgin mind you, but we had to break it off and "fast" from each other for 4 months (they'll be up next week!) in order to more completely devote ourselves to God and focus on building up our relationship with God before we could even attempt to have a Healthy relationship that will honor God, and only then if it is in His will. Hope I helped, any more, email me.