now where not engaged or even close to it. but evertime i bring up the subject, he's just iffy on it. like a few weeks ago, i asked him if he sees himself marrying me, and he saids yes, he can.
now today he tells me that marriage scares him a bit and honestly doesn't see himself doing it right now. which of course i understand and i'm not asking to get married right now?
he's been married before also, but i want to be able to talk to him about this without scaring him off. is their sugestions or things i should do? i want him to want to marry me in the future.
or am i just being over dramtic. i mean is their anyone else out their that has the same problem?
please i would love some advice or guidence in this and please please be nice with the answers. i really like somehelp in this.
2006-07-01 09:25:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First you are NOT being over dramatic. I understand the want of knowing that you are not "wasting" time, that there is a future in the relationship that you are in. On that note, listen to what your "other half" is saying. He is saying that he will marry you, just not right this minute. Let him take his time, unless of course it starts sounding like he has come up with every excuse in the book not to. Just because he has divorced before, doesn't mean it will happen again, but for a man and their line of thinking, they look at it as something that they could not fix, there fore, they failed at that thing. I know this because my husband and I went through the same thing. He wanted to get married, but he had to make sure that he wasn't going to make the same mistakes this time around that he made the last time, and that took time, patients, love and a lot of nail biting, on my part. If you love him, listen to what he is saying and don't push for more than what he can give at this moment and time.
2006-07-01 10:20:43 · answer #1 · answered by hvnly_spector 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If marriage is very important to you..then you have every right to know for certain if that is something he is open too. Why waste years on someone that may never make a commitment to you. I wouldn't want to be stuck in a relationship that is going no where.
I think you should have an idea of when you would like to be married by to anybody, not just him. Then think have you been in this relationship a reasonable amount of time already ie not six months lol and ask yourself how much longer are you willing to wait around for him to ask you.
I just asked my bf (I'm a virgin) why don't guys want to get married these days and he said it's because they have already had sex with them. Don't panic if you're not a virgin, just don't move in with him and do all the wifey things..because he will have no incentive to be in a hurry to marry you if you do. Now, if you are already living with him, don't give up hope but you must move out as soon as you can and then tell him that you won't be living with him again until marriage. A popular therapist once said why play russian roulette by living with someone if you want them to marry you?
So have a sit down with him and tell him how important marriage is to you. If he really loves you..he will respect how important it is to you..if he can't give you a straight answer yes or no right away about it being in your future. Kiss him goodbye as he might not think you're the one. We have all heard of guys that won't marry their gf of six or eight years..they break up..he gets a new gf that he marries only after one year after dating. If the guy loves you and thinks you are the one for him, he will marry you, no excuses.
2006-07-01 21:31:23 · answer #2 · answered by xanadu88 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your man is simply not ready to think about or worry about getting married. Sure, you say you're fine with waiting, but you're still asking him, requiring an answer, and even if you're talking about it, that requires him to think about it. He's simply not ready to go that far.
Give him some space. Don't say the word "marriage" or even allude to it for several months. Enjoy the time you have together; try to enjoy being with him without thinking of the future. I know it's tough; we women are just hard-wired to continually think about our futures and plan for them. But try it. Allowing him to be the one to decide that he wants to get married will make him feel a lot better.
After you've been dating for a while (say, between 9 and 12 mos), and he doesn't seem as if he's getting any more serious with your relationship, maybe he's not the one for you. It will obvious, by then, that he's simply in a different place than you are. If you're determined to wait until he's ready, do so; but don't pressure him into getting married. If he marries you just to make him happy, you both will become miserable for it.
2006-07-01 16:34:45 · answer #3 · answered by b30954 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to toto's advice, but take a break from talking about it for awhile. Don't push too hard or you will push him away. Be sure to date him for a year before you get married - see if there is a season that you two have a problem with. Some guys get really funky around certain holidays - or in this case, maybe the anniversary of the wedding, divorce, etc.
Since he said he can see him being married to you, but he is afraid of marriage, I think you will be fine IF you take your time.
2006-07-01 16:35:57 · answer #4 · answered by curiouschick18 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont now if this seems nice to u or not? but, 1st find out whether he is serious abt. u.. !!! once married .. why, was he divorced.. did u find out?... people cant clap with one hand... what was his part in the divorce..? .. i might be making things a bit complicated for u, but i am concerned a person runnig away from a wonderfull institution like marriage has few things hidden in his closet... why not do a favour .. for the lovely creation of GOD .. URSELF.. and find out whats in this closet... .. have a happy life .. :)
2006-07-01 16:31:16 · answer #5 · answered by TOTO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard for men today to realize how imprortant marriages are right now .. Men thinsk if they already have sex with their women.. why do they need to MARRY them if its been offered.. thats why the bible says do not have sex BEFORE marriage... Simple as it said , Right? It seems GOD knows because he created Adam and Eve first. So marriage was first then sex was second .. So you decide not to accpet the God's advice. So, ull have to suffer with him with consquences if hes not into marriage type thing .. if u never gave him sex. im sure he will MARRY you then u get what you want to be his wife.. simple .. it is hard for men to accpet when women try to convience about marriages. I have seen that DOZEN times. Its sad but true ... in teh 1950's, MEN WOULD WAIT FOR SEX for marriages. NOW, SEX IS IN THE OPEN BOOK FOR ANYTIMEwithout marriages. how interesting!
2006-07-01 16:34:16 · answer #6 · answered by sunnya4life 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not wanting to get married right now,give him some breathing room.He told you how he felt & you should respect that.It sounds like he takes marriage very seriously & he should as well as you.He tried it once & probably got hurt so be patient.
Oh & to that idiot (sum_dum_bok) that said he lied about the "to death to us part".He was probably screwed over by a lying skank with an attitude like hers.
2006-07-01 16:39:49 · answer #7 · answered by Troy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man that wants to get married to you will gladly talk about marriage. Maybe he doesn;'t need to get married because he is already getting the benefits. Besides he's all ready a loser. Why waste your time?
2006-07-01 16:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by pstlpakr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I see it like this: He stood in front of friends, family, and God once upon a time and told a woman that he'd be with her for the rest of his life. (Till death do us part). He lied. If you want someone to marry you and say "till death do us part" and actually mean it, find someone who's never been married before.
2006-07-01 16:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want him to have a better view of marriage, don't move in with him with out being married.
2006-07-01 16:32:33 · answer #10 · answered by joellyn a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋