Any suggestions as to how to get a 28 yr old mother to make good choices for her family now& future?

Question

She was active in church,chosen class most beautiful, babysat for the best families,cheerleader,class officer,most class spirit, Valentine Sweetheart,hurdler, etc teen but married early to an emotional &physical abuser & had 2 quick babies.He is gone,no support,&rarely sees boys.No self esteem & hope left. A friend lead her to topless dancing.She now has a real job but supplements it with dancing. Her networking is with scuz, her boyfriend is in jail for drugs for 8 yrs(yea!), she doesn't do drugs or smoke because she is so allergic(yea!) but drinks occasionally.She can't keep a budget so utilities get cut off & bills add up.("I will get it next week!")Eight yr, old boy is ADHD,seizures rarely, and has started some sexual behavior so I think something happened for him to Learn this behavior, and he wets his bed. 9 yr. old has lots of anger and loss of eye due to prebirth condition. She is as rebellious as a16 yr old and has started yelling/cursing when someone tries to talk to her. ??

Answer 1

Tough question. It has to start with her wanting to change her situation. Purpose Driven Life is a good start for her to read as well as another book, I think it is caled the Book of Proverbs...not the bible version but based on it. It explores wisdom and choices and how it is ultimately wisdom from God that leads to great success. Automatic Millionair is another good read.

She seems to be defensive as many people would given the facts above, it looks like her life is not what she thought it was going to be and I am sure she is frustrated as well as at a loss for how to change it. You change your circumstances when you decide you want to. It isn't easy but you begin as with anything else. I took her 10-12 years to end up where she is and maybe in 3, 4, 5 years she can turn that around.

She needs to hit the pause button and rethink about where she is going. Does she have a plan? If you don't know where you are going you are sure to end up where you never intended to be. Counseling would help for her and the boy. ADHD has been connected to a genetic trait from the father's side. Given the info on him, it wouldn't surprise me to find out if the father was ADHD. That may be an underlying factor that's behind this. ADHD people tend to be charming and bright and fun to be around but also slip up in life when the problem is not recognized.

Mostly you can ask questions in a non-judmental way and offer your prayers. Ask her what makes her happy, what dreams she has? Chang those dreams to goals and outline a plan to help her get there. Encourage her to beinvolved in church or a community based organization, even volunteering with her to help her with self-esteem and a better group to network with. I'll say my prayers.

Answer 2

There's nothing you can do for a 28-year old. She's made her choices about how to live her life.

Answer 3

Pray.

Answer 4

she needs a role model.