Worried about daughter's weight?

Question

I'm worried about my 15 year old daughter and her weight, it just seems to be creeping up and up all the time. She's only 5'3" but currently weighs around 90kg and is wearing UK size 18 clothes, I've started to notice that some of these are now becoming too tight for her.

I've made modifications to the whole family's diet in an effort to help her, made sure all our meals are low fat and there are healthy snacks in the house, but I regularly find wrappers from family size bags of crisps or big bars of chocolate hidden under her bed.

She is unable to do much in the way of exercise because of knee problems (due in part I'm sure to her weight). The only thing she can do without pain is swimming, and she won't do that because she says she won't wear a swimming costume.

She herself is unhappy with her weight and anytime I talk to her about it she gets very upset, but she doesn't seem to be trying to lose weight with all the crisp and chocolate wrappers under her bed.

She's been to the doctor who's checked her thyroid and says it's normal, so there's no medical reason for her being so overweight.

I know she's unhappy about it, but how can I help her when she's eating junk food all the time in secret?

Answer 1

She gets comfort from food. Find ways to help her get confidence and support in some other ways.

Answer 2

How about you both do an excercise program together.
Even if its walking briskly for 1/2 hour EVERY day/ or evening.

15 is a difficult age with body image, girls are changing and awkward and lumpy etc.If she is not comfortable in a swim suit, find something else. The walking is a good atrt and you can spend time together and its good for you too.
Its Great that you are selecting healthy foods for the entire family, it wont work if one person is singeled out as having a weight issue and having to eat special foods.

The hidden wrapper issue.......I guess the best is to sit down with her calmly and privately and discuss it with her.
Make health the issue, not size or weight.
explain your concern for her health, and her eating in secret.
She may need some counseling if you feel she is " binge eating"

I would start off NOt making a big deal about it, but trying to be loving and supportive. Tell her you need her support also in YOUR excercise ( great for lowering cholesterol) and have her help in meal planning so she feels some control.

Above all do not yell or use denial of food as a punishment ( or reward) If she is " hungry" have a fruit or veggie snack,
Good Luck

Answer 3

I had this problem when I was younger and I think all I really needed was someone who would go through the process with me. Maybe you and your daughter could go to the gym together, or another physical activity like going on walks or swimming. Or perhaps she could find a friend to do this sort of stuff with. Also a lot of gyms have personal trainers that could formulate a plan that works for her and won't aggrivate her knee problems.

I know that whenever anyone confronted me about my weight I just got defensive and upset. Encourage her, especially if she does start doing something more active. I know that when people commented on how I was looking slimmer it made me feel great and want to work even harder at it.

Also, it might help to add some incentives... like if you go down another size we can buy a pair of those jeans you like etc... I know some people might consider this bribing, but for me it was another goal to work towards and not only was I losing more weight, I'd get a pair of those cool jeans to look great in!

Answer 4

I was an overweight teenager as well, and my parents made it worse. At 15, I weighed about 200 pounds. My parents installed a key-lock doorknob on the household pantry, and served only low-fat foods. They didn't bother to try and find good-tasting low fat foods. They also didn't try and figure out WHY I ate so much. I hated myself, and found comfort in food.

My suggestion is to try and find out what your daughter is interested in. Music, art, dance, filmmaking, collecting......anything!!! Once you have found her interest, encourage her to persue it. Many hobbies can be taken to a competitive level, such as chess or talent competitions. Others can be shown, such as collecting stamps or rocks. Whatever she is interested in, become genuinely interested in it yourself. If you take an interest in her budding interests, she will begin to open up to you, and share other thoughts and emotions too. She will be able to begin replacing comforting foods with the comfort of a hobby. Your constant involvement, encouragement, and praise will do wonders for her self-worth.

Whatever you do, always encorage her. Help her to find clothes that are flattering to her, at whatever size she is. Get her a stylish new hairstyle, or spend a mother-daughter day fetting facials and manicures. Show her that she is attractive, regardless of her size. Over time, as she finds new outlets for her emotions (other than food) she will begin to slim down a bit. If she manages to slim enough to fit into clothes even one size smaller, make a big deal of how "spectacular" she looks.

Above all, never focus on food as a problem. It is good that your whole family has adopted a healthier way of eating. This will keep her from feeling alienated. If you find junk food wrappers, calmly let her know that you are worried, but don't overact it.

Focus on the positive: her talents, her hobbies and skills, good grades in school....whatever. And no matter what, let her know that you think she is beautiful, both inside and out. If she can believe that she is attractive, she will make changes on her own to improve her health.

I know. I did.

Unfortunately, I was an adult before I made the changes. My parents didn't try to help me. The fact that you want to help her may be the most important part.

I'm 22 years old now. I'm healthy. I'm not skinny, but my doctor says I am a perfectly healthy weight. Most importantly, I feel good, and like the way I look.

If she needs more encouragement, have her email me. I'd be happy to help.

Answer 5

Often unhappiness leads to comfort eating.
It is important too be understanding sympathetic , but above all honest.
Try to lead by example, exercise, eat healthy foods and stop buying anything that is unhealthy.
Next encourage and inspire too do well at a sport or activity that your daughter enjoys. If neither of know what you want to do then make that your goal, to try lots of things until your daughter finds an activity hat she enjoys.
It is amazing that once you find something that interests you how hard you try to improve at it.
This will lead to improved Selff confidence and self worth which in turn will mean that comfort eating will no longer be necessary

Answer 6

Your poor daughter, she must be really unhappy. You can try to get to the bottom of this, tell her she can talk to you about anything, anything at all. Promise her that whatever she says you won't react, you'll just listen, and then you'll try to help her figure out a solution to whatever is bothering her. And tell her that you are on her side. Sometimes kids need to have this said to them, even if deep down they already know it.
If it turns out she's unhappy because she's being bullied, don't jump straight in with the usual "tell a teacher and thump them". Really listen to her and sk her what she wants you to do, then tell her what you want to do.
You could try pointing out to her that eating chocolate. in her room isn't making her happy.
There is one sure fire way you can help her lose weight, and that is to take her to a gym and get her on the toning tables. It won't strain her knee, it won't feel like excersise and she will lose weight. Two sessions a week for a month or two and you'll see a difference; and once she's lost a bit it may encourage her to carry on.
But she won't really lose weight until she deals with whatever is making her so unhappy.
Good luck and best wishes to you both.

Answer 7

If her knee doesn't bother her to walk, get her to walk 20 minutes a day to start. (try a knee brace to help with aggravations) Where is she getting her money to buy the "hidden candy?" Take her funds away until she gets under control. Does she eat more at one sitting than any other one adult at the table? Studies show that smaller meals more frequently (like 5 a day) will raise a persons metabolism, thus weight loss happens normally. Try to participate in any physical activities she would like to do for support.
At 15, it's not likely that she would take a supplement like organic greens. But would be beneficial for her.

The body's trillions of cells crave a balanced, even slightly alkaline, pH. Unfortunately, today's convenience-driven diet may be contributing to an accumulation of acid-forming metabolic wastes, disturbing the body's natural acid/alkaline balance.

good day

Answer 8

Just a little tip in addition to all the others. I comfort eat too, and I eat a LOT more when Im bored/ watching tv etc. Keep her busy, clubs, activities, books, and this will help. Honestly. The more active she is, the less time she will have to eat, and the more exercise she will get (even unwillingly).

Actually, mostly what mytic_shadow said... see below. Listen to her not me :)

Answer 9

Being overweight isn't her only problem! There might be something else wrong, she could be depressed and if she is you might want to help her find a way to release her hidden emontions. If she likes to swim, encourge her to go swimming more often, and yes swimsuits are scary (Trust me, I know) but it might just be the style of swim suit, try other types to make her feel more comfortable. If she still doesn't want to swim because of that, encourge her to find a hobby, something like art, writing, anything to keep her mind off her weight.

Answer 10

You need to monitor EXACTLY what she eats. The best way to keep her from eating junk food is just to keep it out of the house. If you have problems getting her to stop eating those kind then maybe just try to ween her off of them. If she is so concerned about her weight then she would attempt to help it, but in truth you wont be able to help her until she is ready to get help! My best advice is to set a very strict diet and exercise program, not so that its overwhelming at first but just to get her into the swing of it.

Answer 11

some people when they are nervous eat. some like me don't. don't harp on her to much or it will make matters worse. walk with her daily. long walks. have you and her join the YWCA or YMCA and swim. or join a health club together. it easier when more than herself does it. sometimes one gives up. encourage healthy foods in case she sneaks. once her self esteem gets better she will stick to it. thanks Kat. PS. i once was 245 now I'm 146. i was very fortunate. however, i did not lose it the healthy way. it was stress. and even since 2years has past I'm sure i will keep it off. i watch what i eat. i pass alot of things up that are not healthy. remember, we all have slip ups until we get it right. kat