My friend cuts herself and doesn't want me to tell anyone?

Question

I found out today by accident that my friend is cutting herself again. We're both 16 and she has a history of serious depression and self harm when she was 14 and she ended up in the hospital when she tried to kill herself and very nearly succeeded.

Today she was at my house and I went downstairs to get a drink. When I came back upstairs I went to go to the toilet, not realising she was in the bathroom. I walked in on her and noticed a lot of new cuts and scars on her thighs. I just walked back out, and when she came out we talked about it. She said she's been cutting again over the past 6 weeks and she knows she shouldn't be and she's trying to stop.

She made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone, but I'm really worried that she'll end up in hospital again and I don't know what to do. She'll hate me if I tell someone about it.

Answer 1

For her own safety you have to tell someone that can help her without being nasty to her for cutting. Search within to decide who will be the most supportive person for her to be with (as an adult). Sometimes it is a parent, but sometimes it is another relative.

Try to talk to her and have her go to someone on her own. She may be closer to an aunt, grandparent, or close family friend instead of a parent to confide in and that can assist her in getting the help she needs. If nothing else she should be seeing a counselor/therapist/social worker that specializes in self harming teens.

Be supportive, but be honest and tell her that you don't want anything bad to happen to her, that she means that much to you. Perhaps even one of your parents could be supportive instead of her own.

It's difficult for me to accurately tell you what to do without knowing the family situation with your friend, but stand by her and get her the help she needs.

Answer 2

Don't tell anyone or you'll lose her trust. But talk to her about it. Make sure she knows that you or at least someone is always there for her. And ask her to call you if she ever has the urge to cut. It's a horribly difficult habit to break and it's a bad habit to have. But honestly she might cut worse if you tell people because then you broke her trust. I've been in your situation before. I've been on both ends of this. Just make sure she knows your there. And honestly if you wanna help take sharp things away from her so she can't cut. But really she probably just needs a shoulder to cry on and as a friend that's what you should be. Hope that helps. If you want to talk about it more email me @ [e-mail] and I'll try and help you. I know what your going through really.

Answer 3

My dear girl, I just want you to know that my 17 year old daughter also cut herself for a while. I could not figure out why she did this I took her to a doctor well a few as well. To help you out on this hard question should I tell, well to be honest if you are a true friend yes you should as if you leave it she will become worse as the time goes by and then it will not just ne surface cuts as you see but much deeper as the longer it goes on the worce they seem to cut as surface cuts dont do it for them any more. She most probly cutting cause she has been hurt by some one or she cant find her way out of some thing that she has gotten into or she might be having problems at home.

Your friend might hate you in the beggining but trust me in the long end she will thank you for your help in the end, just remember that this is not an over night fix it tales time and alot of love and understanding from both friends and family.

I wish you all the luck and most of all I wish you both blessings from our Lord and I Pray that he will guide you through this time in your life.

Just remember friends may come and go but true friends are to stay

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 4

My friend (who's 14) had the same problem. But luckily she was smart enough to tell her parent about it, and she says she's been going to a therapist to get help and is getting better now. I promised not to tell anyone either when she told me about it, but she said that now's that she's getting better, she's gonna tell all her closest friends once all of this is over. Have you tried to convince your friend to tell some adult that's really close to her? Or you could read some books (there're TONS) on this kinda stuff, like Cutting the pain away : understanding self-mutilation by Ann Holmes, or Cutting and self-mutilation : when teens injure themselves by Kathleen Winkler and they might offer some good advice for people like you. But if the situation really gets out of hand, go tell an adult you REALLY trust, and they'll know what to do.
Anyways, this is a really hard situation for anyone. Good luck!

Answer 5

Sweetie,
No matter how much you love your friend and want to do what is right by her...ask yourself this, "Do I care about her life more than her request?" The answer should be you care about your friend's life more than your friendship. Contact the parents/caregiver but do it openly. Let her be there...or let her know that you are going to say something about this because she needs continuous treatment for the "cause" of this action. Self-mutilation is severe no matter how the person inflicting the behavior...it needs to be dealt with before this behavior continues possibly if it should manifest as something else. Go tell someone that cares about her that can get her the help she needs. You can't solve this problem for her. Ignoring it and keeping your friend's secret might jeopardize your friendship but might affect her life more. You do have the courage to do what is right and the heart to love your friend even if she is broken right now.

Answer 6

I say, tell someone, for the safety of your friend and for your own sake. A good friend knows when to keep a secret and when to break one. This is a serious issue. You friend may have more problems then you are aware of. She needs to talk to someone about why she is doing the self mutilation, and needs to be kept safe from herself, and to work out the problems causing her to be depressed.
Be a good friend, and help her find the strength to let a trusted adult know what is going on.

Answer 7

Your friend wants attention and should get it. If she didn't want you to tell someone she wouldn't have allowed herself to be "caught". Tell her parents and your parents immediately. If she winds up in a hospital its because she is sick. She maybe doesn't want to be sick but she is and that's what hospitals are for. This is WAY over your head and a lot more than fearing she'll "hate you"....she needs help NOW. Self mutalation is just a step away from suicide.

Answer 8

Believe me she will not hate you if you tell someone. She is crying out for help. She knew you would be right back if you were just going down stairs to get something to drink, she wanted you to find her. If you are a true friend, you will help find a way to stop this from happening again. Like they say, a friend will not let a friend drive drunk. Well , this would be a friend will not let a friend kill herself.

Answer 9

both flow to her or have her come over on your position. the faster, the better. clarify on your buddy how, no remember how indignant or depressed she is on the instantaneous, or how depressing her existence would nicely be, suicide received't opt for something. It truly received't help HER, because she will be able to no longer be alive anymore, and that is going to easily reason even extra complications for each body else. attempt to assist her understand, I advise somewhat understand, the that technique of lack of life. She will be idealizing or romanticizing it on the instantaneous, no longer understanding how extreme that's. lack of life isn't noble or heroic. once you're lifeless, that's it - there is not any going back. EVER. She's were given her total existence previous to her, and a lot left to stay for, if in person-friendly words she will be able to get by this. enable her communicate or cry or in spite of she desires to do to ascertain it out. do not galvanize her. She's already on the sting because it really is. tell her that killing herself would advise she's giving up. tell her that she's more suitable than that. Suicide does no longer teach something. save her faraway from any guns or something that she might want to apply to interrupt herself. do not enable her attempt something. Use stress once you're able to. tell her that she would hate you for this on the instantaneous, yet that that is for her own strong and that you're doing it because you're her buddy. in spite of you do, do not enable HER out of your SIGHT. And please, tell A to blame adult. i am hoping this works.

Answer 10

Quite the opposite of popular belief, self-harm is NOT a cry for help. It is a release of stress/tension. You and i may not understand how that is but it seems to work for the persons doing it.

My step daughter has done this off and on for a few years now. When she is happy, she stops. When she is feeling bad, she starts again. Fortunately she seems to have quit - she hasn't cut herself for around 12 months now.

When we first realised she was cutting herself our first reaction was to 'send' her for help. We spoke to the school who aranged for us to speak to a councillor. The first thing we were told is that no help would be available to her until SHE asked for it. Unless your friend wants help, no amount of coucilling/therapy will work. You need to talk your freind round to asking for help. That may take many months or it might take a few days.

When my step daughter finally admitted to us what she was doing and that she wanted to stop we got the ball rolling straight away. She saw a councillor once a week just to talk about things/life. Just someone to talk to confidentially and that helped more than anything. She had someone who wasn't involved in the rest of her life to get things off her chest.

The best thing you can do right now is be real friend. Stick with her and try to subtly talk her round. At least she has admitted to you what she is doing and that is a big first step.