My boyfriend was very ticked off by his mother one day and so he came and picked me up, asked me to go for a drive with him, while he was really mad and just needed to get away from things. So we went up these cliffs outside the city and I was just trying to comfort him but he showed that he was kinda irritated and I stopped doing anything. just sat there. Then we got out and he sat down on this cliff and silently spent prolly 20 minutes there, and when I approached him he just moved to a diff spot, so Offended I just went and sat in the car (silently, like him) Until finally he came over and hugged me still not saying anything and then we left. the q is = WHY the heck did he want me there ( he insisted on me coming with him) if he wanted to be left alone and brood on his bad feelings??? I was confused but I suppose I shouldnt complain since he DID take me w him instead of not wanting me near him in a bad situation, right? Or why did he act that way? take me with him and then ignore me
2006-07-01 08:07:15 · 17 answers · asked by Jackie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
allright may be details will help- he is 23. and its not very often that he lets family get to him. ........it never happens..
I dont know.. I was just very confused
2006-07-01 08:20:08 · update #1
I have done almost exactly that. Except for the moving away when you went near him thing.
First the overall context:
Guys aren't good at communicating their feelings. That is a cliche. But believe it or not there are physical differences in the brain that help explain that cliche. For one thing the corpus callosum (bridge between the left and the right sides of the brain) is smaller in straight men than in women and gay men. You can find out how this effects communication skills of straight men. In any event men handle their stress and moods differently. When we get angry, our fight-or-flight response kicks in, higher adrenaline levels. And till those levels don't go down we usually stay mad. Now obviously we can control our actions, but we still have to deal with the higher hormone levels.
In this case:
I took my girl (now my wife) with me but didn't talk with her. I just stared at the sky or walked around till my anger passed me. The idea is basically security, acceptance. Sort of saying that men need women to go home to. Now Sara knows that there are basically two times when I go quite. One when I am brooding and the other time is when I am hungry.
Hope that personal story helped.
2006-07-01 11:40:40 · answer #1 · answered by Cimmerian 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think he was upset and feeling unloved. He wanted you to be near him when he got over his bad feelings. He probably wanted your love and affection and hugs. The "time out" was for him to get rid of the lousy feelings which had taken over at the time. As long as this doesn't happen often, he sounds like a guy who loves and needs you.
Instead of coming to the forum however I think you really ought to talk with him about the entire event. Sometime when both of you are relaxed and he seems in a chatty mood. The best explanation you seek will come from him.
2006-07-01 15:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by Capt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a man, I have to admit that it is very pleasant and comforting to have a loving & a caring girl stand by the side. But I also have to say that men are losers because they let insignificant things (especially short-term anger) bother them so much that they ignore the rest of the picture. Don’t be bothered by that strange reaction because you were of great help to him; if you weren’t there, he probably would have done a lot of bad things. I’m serious about that: When I get angry and there’s no one to cool me down, everyone feels like it’s the end of the world & all hell breaks loose.
2006-07-01 15:41:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, like you said it is a good thing that he wanted you there with him at such an upsetting time. He probably wanted you there because he knows you love him and he needed to feel that love close to him while he tried to figure things out. He probably didn't intend on being so cold towards you. He probably just couldn't help the fact that he felt the way he did, although it wasn't your fault. It is good though because if he said something it might have been worse. He might have started unintentionally taking it out on you. I think he just needed the comforting feeling that you give him while he was stressed is all.
2006-07-01 15:20:45 · answer #4 · answered by femme fatale 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a guy... but maybe he wanted you there because he was upset, and knowing that somebody who cared was there kept him from doing something other than just brooding (like jumping).
Maybe he is trying to show you what he does when he is upset so if/when he gets upset at you, you won't worry too much.
I don't think it's a bad thing that he wanted you around. He must have feelings for you. If he doesn't seem to have many depression problems, stick around! (If he does, he needs help beyond just you.)
2006-07-01 15:21:37 · answer #5 · answered by curiouschick18 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was probably wanting you there, to now that someone cares for him. When someone like in their teen years, get mad at their parent/s then they want their best friend there with them. He consideres you a best friend and a girlfriend thats why he was wanting you there. The reason why he didn't respond whenever you tryed to cheer him up, could be simply because he was upset, but you did make him feel him a lot better by you being there.
2006-07-01 15:17:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl.. when things are bugging him and he's not sure how to express it..the best a girl can do is just be there with him..its a silence comforting...and him wanting you there I think shows you that he loves and cares about you and needing you close...just be there for him and try not to push him into talking when he's being silent...he'll work it out in his own way.
2006-07-01 16:03:10 · answer #7 · answered by Nani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the part about heading off to a secluded spot to sit and think things over is very guy-like. So that's perfectly normal.
He, most likely wanted you there for support. And you were. Remember that guys are not vocal, it's actions that count.
2006-07-01 15:14:02 · answer #8 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he just wanted someone around that he loved and knew loved him. Men are like that...they eally don't like to talk about things but more or less just want you to stand by their side and tell them everything will be ok. Hope this helps.
2006-07-01 15:24:49 · answer #9 · answered by the_charmed_one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because he just wanted u with him he obviously cares for u, he dient need anything from u except the idea of u being there for him. hes a keeper..sometimes that is all they need and u should be glad he wanted u with him at that time. for no reason at all just hug him sometime n tell him that u r glad to be with him. kiss him then tell him he makes u smile.
2006-07-01 15:14:28 · answer #10 · answered by devil_queen_biatch14 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋