I am divorced and have been dating a lady for 9 months who also divorced around the same time. Our ex's are two peas in a pod. She is attractive, healthy, and has a good career. I recently learned she had a on/off relationship with a guy she lived with in college(this was years ago) . After college she married him for 6 months then divorced which she stated they got married to "just get married". Then she married husband #2 and had children. divorced after 10 years. I recently learned 2 months after her separation with husband #2 she had a "fling" with a guy for 3 weeks which she sees now was to fill the void. Are these RED FLAGS....am I shallow for feeling like I cant get over her having a "fling" ..unloving sex with someone??!!! I just cant get over being with someone who can have sex just to have sex!!!! OR do I need to grow up and get over this. Is this something LOVE - to forgive and be understanding and acept who she is? OR do I need to run?!?!?!
2006-07-01 05:51:44 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You're worrying over things you have no control over and are simply part of her past. So she married young and it was a mistake. Then she married and it lasted for 10 years so obviously commitment isn't a problem for her and then she disengages from this 10 year relationship and has a short lived fling. So what? Obviously her marriage was bad and she was hungry for male attention and the guy in the fling may have simply filled that immediate need. Could just as easily have been you she had that fling with but destiny had yet to bring you two together. Give the relationship a chance without judging her first for past actions, not that any of those were out of line to begin with.
Good Luck!!
2006-07-01 06:00:47 · answer #1 · answered by fun_guy_otown 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinon this is a problem that you have and not her. We all make bad decision in life and some that we are not proud of but that we learn from. Seems to me she is being honest with you even though she might be insecure about herself and having a man in her life at all times. If you yourself can not forgive and forget this then you should stop now before you go any further and hurt each other. One more thing that each of you need to do as a couple is to seek help to ensure you both can understand how the other feels so later in life this does not come back.
2006-07-01 06:02:44 · answer #2 · answered by justduh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my opinion,i don't think u still need to hang up w/her since u don't feel comfortable with her situation.i believe that even u love her and become serious w/the relationship and she will not change her attitude for sure u will end up into separation.however,i can't totally tell her personality but maybe if she has a steady relationship i believe she won't need a fling anymore.moreover,be sure with what u really feel for her & whatever it is be confident to tell her,be open so that there is no misunderstanding.if she personally told u about all these things then i can say she's a honest person & she wanted to start a relationship with a honest intention.
2006-07-01 06:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by engot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has obvious issues with commitment. She's mentally immature to the point that she will make excuses for her sexual fling with another man while she was married and that is sad. Cheating is never right no matter the circumstances. You should notice these flags, it's easier for me since I'm on the outside looking in. Don't be husband number three and waste more years of your life. Watch out!
2006-07-01 06:03:31 · answer #4 · answered by Joe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, let's get this straight, women DO have needs too - and of course after a breakup, both men and women are more susceptible to a fling - as long as precaution is taken, of course. I personally think that this lady deserves an "A+" for being so very honest and upfront. We all make mistakes. Follow your gut feeling, what does that seem to tell you? Plus, take your time, no rush, just see how it goes. Hope this helps somewhat, good luck!!! :)
2006-07-01 06:10:40 · answer #5 · answered by luvwhitelilacs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like shes got a good head on her shoulders. She's made mistakes in the past but shes taken the step to understand why she made those decisions, and she's not apologizing for them.. she's not in denial about her feelings or why she did the things she did....my advice is: talk to her. If you feel like your relationship is getting serious and you want to talk about marriage sometime in the distant (or near) future, let her know, it sounds like shes the type of person to tell you exactly how she feels about the situation and if she's ready for that move or not. A fling is a completely natural thing.. people do it every day.. people have needs and weaknesses, and they give into them sometimes.. don't fault her for it.
2006-07-01 05:58:00 · answer #6 · answered by kumori_pikudoru 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you need to put on those running shoes just yet. from what you have said, why cant you take what she says at face value? has she given you reason to doubt her words before? I think you need to get over the "fling". It sounds like what she said. something to fill the void. most women require alot of attention, whether it be emotional or physical, and if the needs arent being met, they will find a way to get them met.
I dont think you should see them as red flags, but dont forget about it. it sounds like she wants her needs met from you.. go with it for now.
2006-07-01 06:30:05 · answer #7 · answered by xxxiter72 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should jus t go and and do what you need to do! if that means just having sex to have sex then do it! You cant change a person over night, if she has had all these flings then she may not chanhge anytime soon. but if she sees that you are with her and someone else at the same time, maybe she will get to thinking well she wants you and she wants you to be with only her, then maybe she will change, poof there you go. YOU GOT YOUR GIRL!!!!
2006-07-01 06:04:10 · answer #8 · answered by j_a_m_m_k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's hard to answer, cause there are people who do things, odd things, things that don't make sense to others to fill a void, that emptiness that you have when you are alone, and sad, depressed, and after doing those things, you realize the void and emptiness is still there, be patient with her, take it slow, give yourselves time, and that will also let you know if those are RED FLAGS. It's normal to worry about getting hurt, but don't let it consume you.
2006-07-01 05:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by spoiled_21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough question. I don't know what to tell you. Other than, you know her better than the rest of us. Only you can tell if these are red flags. But my personal opinion would be red flags - yes. Break it off - maybe not quite yet. See where its going. Maybe she can settle down now that shes getting things figured out.
2006-07-01 05:55:59 · answer #10 · answered by u_wish1205 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋