I know there is not a time limit to heal- but need to heal after the death of my youngest child. Help?

Question

My youngest child was 21 at the time of her death August 29, 2009. As a single person- I have kept myself hidden in my home-- busy but busy work not important as I felt I added to society before. I do take meds- and they really help but want to be happy again and not just pretend to make other around me more comfortable. Need to feel connected again. Feel again. what do you suggest Thank you.

Answer 1

your comment about "not wanting to pretend to make others around me more comfortable" shows that you are on the right path. Don't stay hidden - the world needs people like you. Do you like animals? Volunteer work at the Humane Society would be a great way to meet people and make others happy. Or you might consider just getting a part-time job for the fun of it, not to make money. And don't expect all of your grief to resolve itself instantly - it won't. A healthy heart, though, will heal in time.

Answer 2

I can't even imagine what you are going thru. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. It will always be with you but you can move on. It is best for you to talk about it whenever you have the desire. Don't be afraid to express your feelings and don't feel you have to make other people comfortable around you. True friends are there for you and accept all your feelings. I am going through a separation after a thirty year marriage and even tho it does not compare to your loss, I understand the feeling of wanting to be happy again and the feeling of wanting to feel connected. I understand also about the pretending around other people. I wish I could give you advice, but all I can say is if you ever need to express your feelings, I am here for you. Feel free to email me.

Answer 3

FIRST my condolences no one should have to bury they kids I has to be the hardest and most cruel part of this world.
My aunt went through this with her first born 2 years ago. The hardest part she said is that she has to drive past the cemetery where he is buried(along with the rest of my family) every day to go to work. She has finally started being herself and i think what made that possible for her was that she made a memorial scrapbook of Brian for everyone in the family not to be rude but whether they wanted it or not they got it I think it was her way to make sure NO ONE FORGOT what a good person he was. I took all of us a long time to get over him dieing because of his age it was a HUGE reality check him being just a year or two older or young then all my cousins, my self , and my brothers. My advice is to do exactly that make a scrapbook of her life from birth to death and send it to everyone that knew her it doesn't matter if they want it if they don't they can toss it if they do they will treasure it my aunt said that it made her remember his life instead of his death. Try it.

Answer 4

Help others. Find a cause associated with something your child identified with, and devote yourself to it for some time. You'll not only feel the warmth and comfort that comes with helping other people, but you will also be proud that your inspiration came from your child. Your child will have a lasting impact on this world through your inspired good deeds.

Answer 5

I lost a child as well and the best advice I got was this:

You never get over it you learn to live with it.

Losing you baby has changed you..you can't have the same life that you had before. Allow yourself to grieve but also allow yourself to smile and laugh without guilt. Your child does not want you to life in constant pain. There are groups that are for surviors of their child's death. We have our children and except to leave this world before they do..this is an upset to the life cycle as we know it. But please know this, you are far from alone. Meet and connect with others who have gone through this. They will understand. And remember it may not go away in days or even years, but it will get better.

Answer 6

I am sorry for your loss. I believe, though, God has a masterplan working constantly throughout all of our lives. We might not see it but it moves. What made you feel important in society before. I think if you voluteered somewhere helping children somehow it would be really good for you. There are lots of lonely people out there and we all need love. The children need someone to care about them, listen to them. It makes so much difference in their lives. It'll make a difference in yours. We all aren't blessed with having someone to care for us or sometimes we have trouble seeing it........ Perhaps young people are not your calling, maybe you should go to nursing homes and wash the elderly peoples feet. Or maybe you should go to a shelter and get a dog with nowhere else to go.....your cat might disown you but a dog will cuddle up by you when your feeling down....okay, a cat would probably be good too. What ever you prefer to do don't forget we need you out here.
.....................Serve....................................

Answer 7

Losing an adult child can change a parent's psyche. Don't put pressure on yourself to "get over it." Allow yourself to have whatever emotion your having without a value decision placed on it, unless you feel better after.

I would HIGHLY recommend a grief counselor or a therapist.

Poor some of that energy, and that need for connection onto your other children.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry for your loss. First of all, be compassionate with yourself: you've suffered a terrible loss and grief takes time. You might consider private or group therapy and/or pursuing a spiritual practice. There are a lot of great books out there on the subject. Don't give up!

Answer 9

Go find a place to volunteer! If your daughter had a favorite social cause, or if she died of a particular disease or something like drunk driving, you might want to look into volunteering with a group that deals with that particular problem, as it might help you feel like you're closer to her by supporting a cause she believed in. Or find something that you believe in and support that cause.

The important thing is that if you are helping others, you'll feel more useful and more connected than if you bury yourself in your house.

Answer 10

You could joing a support group or another type of group. Or you could do some volunteer work. I started doing volunteer after losing my husband and helped me to have some others to think about and care for.