What are the funniest jokes you know of?

Answer 1

"The Horse, the Chicken, and the Harley"

There was once a chicken and a horse that lived in a farmyard. One day, they were both out in the pasture when the horse stepped into a bog and got stuck.
"Help me Chicken," the Horse called. "Quick go get the farmer and his truck so that he can pull me out!"
So the chicken ran up into the farmyard to get the farmer, but the farmer was gone. He had taken his truck into town. The chicken didn't know what to do until he saw the farmer's Harley Davidson motorcycle sitting by the house. The chicken hopped on and, sure enough, the keys were in it, so the chicken grabbed a rope, started up the motorcycle and drove to where the horse was stuck.
"Grap the rope and I'll pull you out!" The chicken called to the horse. The horse grabbed the rope with his teeth and the chicken pulled him out with the Harley.
The horse was so grateful to the chicken and they were best friends from that day on. Well, a little while later, they were out in the pasture again and this time the chicken got stuck in a mud hole.
"Help me, Horse!" he called. "Quick, go get the motorcycle and rope and pull me out!"
Well, the horse was going to go, but the chicken was sinking so fast that there wasn't time. The mud hole was small so the horse just stratled the hole and told the chicken to grab on to his hangy-down-part. The chicken did and the horse pulled the chicken out.

The moral of the story... If your hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks. :)

Answer 2

OK so this teenage boy goes to the pharmacy to pick up a box of condoms....he's really excited 'cause its the first time he's had sex...so he's also a little nervous and doesn't really know anything about condoms or anything....so he asks the pharmacist a bunch of questions and he explains that it's his first time and everything...so when the boy is getting ready to leave the pharmacist asks him if he wants the 3, 10 or 30 pack....he asks for the 30 pack and says..."I'm gonna be really busy tonight." So he gets to his girlfriends house....she answers the door and says, " Oh great, I'm glad you could come and have dinner with my family"...so they sit down to dinner and the father asks who would like to say grace and the boy is the first to offer....

After about 20 seconds of grace the boy is still deep into it and his girlfriend just looks at with and he continues..

After about another 3 or 4 minutes and the boy is still saying grace his girlfriend leans over to him and say..."I had no idea you were so religious"

The boy replies...

"I had no idea you father was a pharmacist."...

Answer 3

Hi, Honey, this is Daddy; Pick Up

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh, yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy right now."

**Brief Pause**

"Uh, okay then. This is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy."

"And what happened, honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on, and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser, and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh, my gosh!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared, and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool, and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??...Is this 486-5731??"

Answer 4

in an office, lots of came applicants came out with long faces... all of them are college grads but they failed the interviews.
and the last lady applicant came out with all smiles... she hasn't finished high school yet, she is 21, but she past the interview.
applicant1: what happened?
applicant2: mr. jones just saw my resume, and without hesitation, he hired me!
applicant1: what?!!! why... what's in your resume?
applicant2: on the space on "sex", i wrote..."anytime".

Answer 5

There's this one I can't repeat but it's funny. You go to www.comedycentral.com, then click on jokes, then click on foreign, then click on "I gonna back to Italy!"

Answer 6

Ok heres one!!!!!

When is it fun time in Neverland?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

(Do you get it Michael Jackson and little kids.)

Answer 7

why did the chicken cross the road


if peas are peases soup is soupses and beans are beanes what do they come in?

kanas (kaneas)



if quizes are quizicle what are tests? testicles

Answer 8

it's a bit races but ok how do you know if a black woman is pregnant she put a banana in her and if it come out half eaten then she is pregnant.

Answer 9

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ***."
If you want more, tell me on my e-mail ;)

Answer 10

how do ghost count?
with their see-through fingers

if i had 1 cent how many cent would you have?
zero