Ok long story as short as possible. I left my ex for reasons we will not go into while I was pregnant. I always kept the door open but he chose to never be a part of our daughters life...again for reasons we will not go into right now. I have limited space so I will not go into details but last year I was in contact with him for the first time in five years. It was a disaster. But I moved back to our home area in January and decided to be back in contact with him one last time. I could not find information for him but I found an address for his sister so I wrote to her. That was a couple months ago. Yesterday I got a message from his brother inviting us to a bbq they are having this weekend. I left him a message back but still have not spoken to him but plan on letting him know we will probably be there. The thing is part of me does not know if it is the right thing. Two of my daughters half siblings will be there and I want her to know them...and her family...continued...
2006-06-27 05:44:53 · 12 answers · asked by thislonlygirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
And from my understanding of his message her dad will not be there though I do not know what is up with that. But I am nervous about his family too.I always left the door open for them too and to this point they have chosen not to be a part of my daughters life. And I know there are things said about me by my ex that arent true. And I am worried they will not be understanding that there are two sides to every story.
And I do not want to expose my daughter to them this one time and then have them not in her life again...
I am so confused!
I want them in her life...she deserves to know them. But I have spent the past six years doing everything I can to protect her and I do not want her hurt worse than she already has been.
Is there a right answer?
2006-06-27 05:47:40 · update #1
I just wanted to add a few things after seeing some of the responses... First of all thank you everyone.
Now part of the problem last year when I was in contact with him was that he wanted me in his life...but it was always about "us" and "our relationship" not him and his daughters. So after an experience with that that led me to a breaking point I stopped calling him again. And he didnt call me either.
I have always tried to keep contact just to let him know where we are. After that its been up to him what he wants to do. I do not involve her and she does not yet know about this bbq.
Her older brother is now 14 or 15 and her older sister is almost 19 so they are old enough to make that decision I believe and they have the right to know their little sister.
I would NEVER leave her with them on her own. Not even once she gets to know them. That is just how I am.
I had a good relationship with both his brother and sister before we lost contact. Even after him and I ended.
2006-06-27 06:08:45 · update #2
Well I needed a few days to let it all sink in. And needed to talk to him for real instead of just messages back and forth. Which didnt happen until yesterday. Thank you everyone I really thought about all your responses and took them all to heart. I appreciate it!
2006-07-01 04:00:57 · update #3
Go to the BBQ and let your daughter meet her uncle and half siblings. You and your daughter are the invited guests and it doesn't matter why your ex won't be there although I wouldn't be a bit surprised if your ex's brother deliberately did not invite him to keep the peace with you. Give it a chance and you and the ex's family can agree to not disgree. No matter what has happened between you and the ex, your daughter is still a part of that family's flesh and blood.
2006-06-27 06:16:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There comes a time as a mother that you must do what is best for the child you can not change who you have picked to be her dad nor her family you should allow her to be apart of the family and get to know her brothers and sisters are she has you a mother no matter what her dad will always be her dad those are things you can never change but only take away why would you want to hurt her if the family is good family and no harm will come to her allow her the gift of family go to the bbq and have good time and show your child the true meaning of family enough time has gone by
2006-06-27 05:56:50 · answer #2 · answered by whitecalf02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that her father hasn;'t had the deisre to interact with your daughter is his choice and no doubt his loss. Her Uncle has extended out the hand of friendship so your daughter has the chance to get to know her fathers side of the family, the fact that they have invited you is a sure sign they are not going to make a scene with you, if they do just up and leave, it is a chance you are goign to have to take. Otherwise you will not know if you are making a mistake or not and you will always be wondering what would of happened.
2006-06-27 06:03:13 · answer #3 · answered by ozi_nut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter has never met her father's family and really won't know anyone there, do not go. That situation is too awkward and public. Make arrangements to meet a few members at a time at a park or restaurant, go slow with this, don't make your daughter's life a soap opera she's doesn't need to continue the saga of your life.
2006-06-27 05:53:09 · answer #4 · answered by pamspraises 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard one!. If you have done everything to leave communication, and contact open, and he has not responded, he does not want anything to do with her, or you. I would not subject her to it, or his family. Children are resiliant. They bounce back better than we think. I applaud you for trying so hard for so long. Most would have given up long ago. For her sake you tried. I would open up and try and meet someone new someone better and someone who would truly care for her and you. Be careful, but open to it. He is obviously a Jack A** and cannot take responsibility.
As far as his family is concerned.....I do not know that is something you have to decide. As I said above it is better to just exit the WHOLE picture if you have tried. Because they may just meet her this time, and then never have anything to do with her. If she does not really ask or care now, then I would just leave it alone. I hope things work out. I cannot imagine how hard it is on your own!! (((hugs)))
2006-06-27 06:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, i know how it is and luckily for me it's worked out. As for the family, if any of them ever come to you to be invovled i say let them be......with good boundaries. Dont let them sneak her around to see him, you can cut it off anytime you want. But the story you wrote honestly sounds like it's no use. Maybe in the future when the girls siblings and her are older they will come toghether as adults. Your just making it harder on yourself staying there, its not effecting anyone else but you. Gaurd your daughter and keep her close to you, you are the only parent she has, dont let the other side ruin you and her's relationship.
2006-06-27 06:00:26 · answer #6 · answered by Caramel_apples 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a parent you really should allow her to have contact with her fathers' family. If he chooses not to be a part of his life, she will see that you did try. It may take many years, but she'll know. And who knows. Maybe he'll come around. But she does deserve to know all of her family if possible.
2006-06-27 05:50:54 · answer #7 · answered by Wendy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-08-31 15:33:00 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father walked away from me and my mom and my brother when I was very young. When my mother gave him partial custody of me and my brother, he abused me. I wish I'd never known him. I say if your ex ignores your daughter, leave it be and just love her enough for the both of you.
2006-06-27 05:57:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that even though your ex doesn't want to know about you or your daughter...and no matter what he has said to his family about you....don't let this be a wall, that would stop you from letting your daughter get close to her relatives,
2006-06-27 05:55:12 · answer #10 · answered by israelmoya20 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋