any more real dirty jokes?

Answer 1

Ok, this is very dirty and very un-PC, please know that am not normally like this, I apologise if this causes offense to anyone, you have been warned.

A man wakes up in the morning and he feels great, better than great, he feels fantastic!!, he rolls over and gives his wife a kiss, and as she opens her eyes she recoils...
"oh my god, darling, you look awful, are you ok, you should go to the doctor!!!"
"Well that's odd, because I feel fantastic, I've never felt better, to be honest!"
"Well" says the wife, "you really should think about going to the doctor.
As the man gets ready for work, he still feels wonderful, but as he steps onto his bus, the driver says to him
"God, mate, are you allright, you look awful, you should see a doctor!!"
"That's really wierd, because I don't feel sick at all, infact I feel better than ever"
The same thing happens when he gets to work, but his boss forces him to go to the doctor in his lunch break.
At the surgery the Nurse takes one look at him and ushers him straight into the doctors office.
The Doctor says "oh my god, you look terrible, thank god you came here, what seems to be the matter?"
"Well here's the thing, doc, I feel great!! I feel wonderful, on top of the world"
"hmm" the doctors says "I'll have to look this one up..." the doctor picks up a book and starts flicking thorugh, "looks awful, feels great...lupis...laryngitis....oh here it is...Looks awful, feels great...You're a C**T!"

Answer 2

A farmer had three sons. Their cow died so the farmer told the sons to go buy another cow. The first son goes into town and meets a prostitute. She tell him, "if you hump me 100 time i will give you two cows and 10 gold coins." He says okay.
So he starts 1,2,3,4...97..98...99. He says "i can't go anymore."
Well the second son is sent off. The prostitute says if you hump me 1000 times i will give you three cows and 100 gold coins. So he starts 1,2,3,4,5...899...978...999. He can't go anymore and stops. Well the farmer sends his third son and he also meet the prostitute. She says "if you hump me 10,000 times I will give you 20 cows and 10,000 gold coins. He starts 1,2,3,4,5...99...987...1999....2,000,000. The girls screams ,"stop stop stop. Man, what did you do." The boy answers, "How do you think the cow died."

Answer 3

A white horse fell in a puddle of mud.

Answer 4

here's one:
a man from zimbabwe is visiting a buddy of his in russia. his russian friend takes him out and shows him how to play russian roulette. the russian says says, "you spin a pistols cylinder, cock it, point it at your head, and pull the trigger."what's the catch?" says the man from zimbabwe.
the russian says, "one of the bullets is real."
after learning the game the man from zimbabwe says "thats an interesing game, we have a similar one where i come from, maybe if you end up in africa i can show you our version."
5 years pass and the russian ends up in zimbabwe, and of course he looks up his friend for a drink. after they meet, the man from zimbabwe leads the russian around to the back of the bar, where 6 naked women are lined up.
the man from zimbabwe says, "all of these women will give you head"
"whats the catch?" asks the russian
"well, one of them is a cannibal..."

Answer 5

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

Answer 6

mika kissed rakhi and she invited her for a coffee with new lipistic on to get spoiled

Answer 7

two nuns are walking down the street... one says "uhm.. I smell ***"and the other one says "oh! excuse me, where are my manners, I just burped!"

Answer 8

nothing in mind now