Ex-bf and STD's?

Question

I broke up with my bf of 9 monthes in March. Shortly after the break-up (gotta love the timing) I came down with gential warts. Considering my sexual history and the typical time frame for HPV to present itself, he is almost certainly the source. My question is, even though it was a messy and painful breakup, should I tell him? I'm afraid of hateful "You didn't get that from me, you dirty ho," kind of backlash, and also I still have alot of resentment which I'm trying not to indulge. On the other hand, it seems to be the conscionable thing to do. Should I do it? Also: it may seem petty, I won't say anything that doesn't make it clear that I got it from him and not vice versa. The relationship is too far degraded for any neutral, "I broke out with this, you might have it, let's not worry about who had it first" kind of thing. And yes, I know it's possible, though very, very unlikely, that it didn't come from him. Should I just stay away? Or should and how should I tell him?

Answer 1

Personally I would tell him. This happened to me before, although it was with genital herpes and not HPV. I got genital herpes and when I told my ex, he completely denied it and was totally mean and rude to me. It was completely unnecessary!

I think the right thing to do would be to tell him. He'll probably deny it, but at least you will have it off your chest. I got HPV about 5 years ago, the same time I got genital herpes. I didn't even know I had it until I had an abnormal pap smear come back about a year and a half later! Turns out I had developed cervical cancer! It can take a while for any signs or symptoms to show up. That's how most women usually find out they have the virus, they have a pap come back abnormal or they develop genital warts. Men usually don't know they have it, and since there is no test currently for men to see if they have the virus, they spread it. Guys usually find out they have it by developing genital warts.

Even though I got HPV 5 years ago, it took about a year and a half for me to find out I had it, because I developed cervical cancer. Then about 6 months ago, I got genital warts. I can take a while for symptoms to show up!

Bottom line, I do think you should tell him, even if he backlashes at you. Also, for your health, you should be seeing your OBGYN at least every year for a pap smear, if you aren't already. Cervical cancer kills 300,000 women a year!

Take care yourself! Good luck!

Answer 2

Talking about STD's is hard enought to begin with without adding a messy breakup. However, it could be possible that he one, knew right along that he carried this or two, he has no clue. If he is the carrier of HPV, he should be told whether he knows or not. You are the innocent recipient and perhaps not the first person that he may have shared this with. Imagine if one of his exes knew all about it, you could have been spared this hardship had she confronted him. In the same way, although it's no consolation, you could spare another the same difficulties. Also, it sounds as if the relationship has already hit rock bottom, so there isn't any place lower that it could go. When one decides to become sexually active, there is a certain responsibility of the individuals to take care of themselves and be informed not only for the present sexual relationship, but those of the future. There are too many people in this world who stay silent and end up infecting other's that may trust them and care for them. As to how you should tell him, only you know what may work best for you. Whether it be a letter, phone call or face to face in a public location, you need to feel safe and secure however you decide to do it.

Answer 3

I got identified with genital herpes (type 2) about 5 years ago, whilst I was still in college and had a dumb one-night stand. I understand loads of young women say this, but I swear I had never done that sort of thing before. I just made a mistake that one time and suddenly it seemed like I was going to have to live with the implications for the rest of my life. The worst part was feeling I could never date men again. In the end, who wants to go out with someone who has sores around her "you know what" area? But since a friend shared this movie https://tr.im/BF3VH everything changed.

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Answer 4

It's the number 1 cause of cervical cancer (even though they're working on a vaccine for HPV as we speak). It would be a good idea to tell him to avoid spreading it around to more women.

Answer 5

the ethical thing to do would be to tell him. most doctors require you to give a list of all sexual partners so that they can be informed, but this may only happen with more serious std's. i would just come out and tell him, and tell him that you think he is the source. you guys have already split so whats the difference?

good luck

Answer 6

Tell him - without blaming him. HPV can stay dormant for up to 10 years - so without being sure - tell him without blaming him, because you already have commented where that will go.

Oh - and 1 "bright spot" - if you have visible warts - they are not associated with cervical cancer. There are roughly 75 strains - with the leading cervical cancer strains "invisible". And if it makes you feel a bit better - it is estimated up to 75% of sexually active people between 15-40 have some strain of HPV.

Answer 7

i would tell him to at least ease your conscience a little bit by knowing that you have done everything you can to prevent him giving it to somebody else.

You might want to try sending him an e-mail that just advises him to get himself checked cuz' you have got it and he might have it. That way its impersonal and to the point.

Good luck

Answer 8

Just tell him. It is the right thing to do. He probably already knows since the symptoms show up on men first. You do not want his next partner to get them. he probably will say those things but you know the truth in the long run.

Good Luck I am sorry you are going through this.

Answer 9

If you don't tell him he may infect other girls

Answer 10

if you want to embarass yourself, go for it