Why does my 29 year old son live with his mother?

Question

Good looking Son 6'4

My son right now builds houses for a living, he says he pays $200 a month to live in his mothers house. He does a few thing around the house if she nags him long enough. His mother says he has never given her any rent but is going to start. The house is big enough for a few people. He owes her and her mother money for boats, cars, fines, the vet etcetera. My son has a high school diploma, and a great ability to fix things. His mother never taught him to read and left it up to others to do. She never took much interest in him when he was young and now they act as if their married. They spend a lot of time with her mother that lives close by, who smokes cigarettes. My son smokes as does his mother and grandma! My son lives in Ogden Utah what I call Somgden, it lays along I 15 about 30 miles north of SLC. Yes he is a “Jack Mormon“, his grandmother (The Smoker) had him baptized at age eight. He is white, has a nice smile and talks a good talk.

I have asked him an I get no answer. I also asked her and get blowen off. She is devorced 3 times.

Answer 1

Not enough info to answer this question. If he is your son, why aren't you asking him? I'm sure he would explain his rationale to you.

Maybe he feels like he needs to be there to protect her and, since he isn't married, he is free to do that. If you are divorced from her, he might feel that he needs to protect her since the world isn't always safe for women.

He probably pays rent and helps her to afford the place. Maybe she doesn't have enough money to afford to live on her own. Many women end up in poverty after a divorce.

As I said, these are only "guesses" since you haven't given any background information so don't take any of my "maybes" personally. Just saying you need to ask him since we don't know the entire story.

Answer 2

That's a good question. Why don't you ask her? Does he need to live there while he works his butt off to get his Phd? Or is he there cause he's too lazy to get a job and an apartment? We cant' tell that from here......but I DO know that there was an article in the NYTimes recently about this matter.....and how our economy and culture is causing this to happen more. It said that the average age today where a child becomes entirely self sufficient is 34. No helping with the car payments, or paying for their children's babysitters, or sending groceries once in awhile.

While on one hand, I think it's clear that during the last 50 years we women have turned our sons into wimps and mama's boys, it's also clear that it isnt' like it was back in the 60's when one income was enough and moms stayed home with their children to raise them. The economy isn't like that now, so parents help their children longer. Plus people get married and start their families much later these days. More people are going to college for longer periods of time as well.

Answer 3

sorry too say it sound like your jealous of their relationship; yes his mom made mistakes and yes he should be on his own and yes he shouldn't be leaning on them. But, your his daddy then it's yo job to teach him how to be a man, did ya do that? Cause it sound like ya didn't and this is why he still lives wit mommy.

Trust when he wants a girlfriend then he'll need his own place. Women don't date men who live at home, don't drive, has no job, cant handle responsibilities and most importantly can't be a strong man. If he learns these things and know to get a real women you have to not be these things then maybe he'll leave mommy's house.

Answer 4

It could be a guilt thing. Maybe she regrets that she ignored him when he ws young and is trying to make up for it now. Maybe they get along better now that he is older. Either way it sounds like she is an enabler. As long as she allows him to live with her, under those lax conditions he has no reason to move on. Nice boy or not, no one is going to turn down a free ride, particularly if they were not close to their mother's as children, and now she is his best friend. "Jack mormon" lol that's funny..I thought only my mom called us that!

Answer 5

My gut reaction says that rickboman is right. They are co-dependents. Maybe he is lazy and bumming, but she is getting something out of it too! First, she is getting $200 out of it and some company. But shame on her for not pushing him to be more independent. Forgive me but it sounds like a real "white trash" situation. And the other woman was right who said no woman (or no decent woman anyway) will want a 29 year old man still living with Mommy. It sounds like your Ex has huge psychological problems. Did you try to talk to her about it? Did you try to talk to "smoking Granny"?

Answer 6

Your obvious x wife is letting herself be taken advatage of. One can't be taken advantage of unless you let them. Your son has the message from your former wife that it is ok to be a MOOCHER. Your former wife didn't set bounderies when your son moved in. The 29 yr old seems from what you've written to have no goals and why should he. He's got free room, board, entertainment!

If you talk to the former wife about this you'll be met with MYOB (mind your own business).

Just for whatever you do don't let this MOOCHER horn in on you!!!!!!

Answer 7

because it s easier than moving out and living on his own. Living with mom removes some of the responsibilities of growing up because mom still treats him like a child and does things for him that he should be doing for himself. Don't want him there, set new rules, make him pay rent, at least half of his income, don't do his laundry, or cook his meals. treat him like you would a stranger living under your roof.

Answer 8

Many guys of that age like to be at home with Mom because they can't give up being looked after.
It is easier to stay with Mom because she will do his cooking & laundry than venture out into the big bad world & fend for themselves.

Answer 9

Because His Mother is too WEAK to
kick His A$$ out of the house.

Answer 10

They are codependent! She needs him as much as he needs her. In most insentience's they act as if their married. He don't need a woman because he has her. The same goes for her, she has him to lay around the house, and someone to cook and clean for. He may do a little yard work to keep her off his back.