What is a polite way to handle picky eaters at my dinner parties?

Question

For example, sometimes at a dinner party, I'll have a guest who asks me to change their individual serving so that they don't get a certain ingredient (or want extra of a certain thing.) What is a polite way to handle this as a hostess w/o actually having to fulfill their request (which would make me feel reduced to a short-order cook)?

Thanks for all the great suggestions so far. I already do plenty of pot luck dinners and they are fun for certain occasions. However, I also like to have formal dinner parties for other occasions. My husband and I have a catering business, so sometimes we like to pull out all the stops and go full scale Martha Stewart. Most friends are delighted to eat one of these meals. It's just frustrating when you encounter a friend (it happens with family members too) who don't know how to appreciate acting like a grown up for a change, you know what I mean? :) Now that we are all rounding the age of 30, it's fun to do the nice stuff as much as we do the casual stuff (besides, how many more queso dip and little smokies dinners do we really need in this world? :)

Answer 1

I always consider it an honour and privilege to be invited to dinner where the host or hostess can actually cook or is adventurous in their cooking skills Other than making allowances for religious reasons or allergies which should be indicated by the guest at least three days before, you should not have to accept or deal with problems at the dinner table. It would be extremely rude for a guest to complain or ask for something different in company. You should make it clear albeit tactfully that the dinner to be served cannot be tampered with. Alternative choice of starter would be acceptable depending on how you value your guest and cheeseboard and fruit as an additional alternative after would make life easier. Queen Elizabeth II (I am from Wales) once had a guest from an African country at a banquet in the Palace and because of the starters (can't remember what they were) finger bowls were placed on the table. The government official seated near to her commenced to drink out of the finger bowl. The Queen did likewise. That is good manners. This is a true story believe it or not. I only tell this story as your problem is more about bad manners than food. If I were in your country I would be delighted to attend one of your dinner parties. They sound so nice. Best wishes. I am assuming you are American!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

It might be interesting to turn this one around:

Why does it bother you when a guest asks for something?

My guess is that the feeling of being "reduced to a short order cook" has more to do with what you experienced sometime in your childhood than what's actually going on at the dinner party.

Perhaps, not feeling appreciated?
(oh, wait, that's MY issue :)

That aside, I think etiquette would dictate that you grin and bear it... and perhaps exclude a continual offender from future gatherings.

Next time, have a pot-luck... and that way everyone brings something they can enjoy-- and you don't wind up doing all the work.

Hang in there!

Answer 4

When putting together a dinner party, I usually try to find out if there are any food allergies, religious constraints, or if there's just something that my guests really dislike. I plan the menu accordingly. But to be on the safe side, sometimes it's just easier to plan a buffet with one or two entrees and a variety of sides. This way, your picky eater can just choose the things that look edible to them. If they're still inclined to fuss, you may want to direct them to the cheese tray (or the kid's table), and then "forget" to invite them next time.

Answer 5

I think if it is an alergy or a religious concern, the hostess may want to change the menu. I usually don't tell my friends what I'm cooking until they get here. I usually cook a couple of dishes, a favourite and something new. My guests help themselves to what ever is on the table. My dad used to say, "If you go away hungry, it's your fault" Beggars can't be choosers. Besides, just who is paying for the meal anyways!

Answer 6

cheerfully tell them that when you had the governor over for lunch last week he loved the dish, and i'm sure you will too ... ?

honestly, though, i know how frustrating this is! i have picky friends, and had a dinner party for thanksgiving ... i cooked all day long and one of m friends comes in nd the first thing she said was "you put MUSHROOMS in that? ugh." i was about ready to strangle her!!

moving on, i would say if you have a bunch of picky eaters, let them serve themselves ... and if you have questions about it beforehand, just tell them that it's buffet style this time so everyone can pick what they please. then make everything like you normally would - give them the illusion they have a choice.

i think this type of behavior is inexcuably rude ... so i just make people think they are picking what they want ... and they have never complained since.

Answer 7

On your next dinner party, suggest a theme for a pot luck dinner -Maybe Italian or Chinese/Asian or Mexican Fiesta. Have everyone bring their favorite dish. You provide appetizers & drinks.

Example: Fiesta Night - you provide Chips, Salsa, guacamole & Margaritas. People could bring tacos, enchiladas, or Spanish rice, etc.

Have tried this more than once and it always works out great! If people are picky - they can stick with what they brought. AND, you're not stuck doing all the cooking.

Answer 8

Grin and bear it. Being a gracious host will mean having to handle these sorts of people with dignity and respect. However, I would not invite them over again.

A habit we have is to ask folks prior to coming over if they are allergic or do not want to eat certain things. Then we try to honor that request. If we cannot, then we will give them other options.

I agree that it is rather tacky for a guest to be picky with the host.

Answer 9

I tell my guests what is being served when they get invited then again before they are served. if they insist on making a point in front of other guests I tell them that what they have in front of them is what is being served and they will have to like it. If they opt to take me aside before making a scene, then I try to work with them. But my guests know that I don't run a restaurant where the guests are always right.

Answer 10

Hey, they are the guest; however, you're not obligated to be a short-order cook in your own house! I would treat it just like I would a picky-eating child. You can eat what we have, or there are the crackers, dip and peanut butter. Have fresh fruit and veggies and breads available. If they can't find something to eat, let them bring their own.