my parents are getting a divorce. what should i do?

Question

My parents have been married 13 years. I am 13. My mom and dad fight alot. Sometimes my mom and dad have such big fights that my mom spends the weekend in a hotel. I am going with my momand my little brother. I will be sperated from my sister. Please help!!!

Answer 1

First off, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. You are going to be having so many feelings as you go through this time. One thing you could do is talk to your school counselor. He or she can be very helpful through this time and many schools now offer groups at school where other kids going through the same thing get together and talk about how to cope. They offer this program in the school district my children go to and were in the group when I went through my separation and divorce. It really helped. Please email me anytime you need a shoulder. I will try to help if I can.

Answer 2

Sometimes when parents are divorced they have to split the children up for various reasons. Sometimes the older children want to go with one or the other, or maybe it's easier on both of them financially this way. No matter what the reason, you have to remember and help your little brother understand that both your parents love you very much and are only trying to do what's best for you, your brother, and your sister in the given situation. Try your best to keep in contact on a regular basis with all households, even if you live far apart. Keep strong relationships with everyone no matter what. And always keep your head high and know that you'll be fine as long as you stick it out through the hard times.

Answer 3

It's not a good idea for them to separate you and your sister. If they have decided to get a divorce, the best thing they can do is make sure you and your sister and brother are always together. At least this will be one consistent factor in your life.

Remember that the divorce has nothing to do with your or your siblings. If they fight all of the time, that's not good for you to see. They have fallen out of love with each other, and the best thing for them to do is try a separation before they do any psychological damage to you.

I know this is very hard for you. Do you have any other family you and your sister and brother could go to for a few days? Like maybe an aunt or grandmother? This would be the best thing for now until the dust settles. Just make sure your parents know that you need to be with your siblings at all times regardless of who is watching you!

Answer 4

13 is a tough age to be experiencing such changes as you are going through many changes yourself. This is probably nothing new as far as you knowing that a divorce or separation was well on it's way. There are telephones, pen and paper, email...if your sister is old enough to handle that kind of communication. If she isn't very old, or another suggestion would be to demand visitation rights. (ask nicely first) If your parents disagree with you "visiting", then just tell them that you will tell a judge your desire to have visitation with your family and see if your parents start paying attention...LOL If no one in the immediate family is listening, go to another family member (aunt/uncle) that you trust and see if they can help you come up with an idea. I wish you all the best. Be strong and hold your chin up...it won't be very long and all of this will be behind you. :)

Answer 5

Time will never tell in one of these situations. I think if parents fight all the time they should be apart but will one parent constantly invade the other parents' life and not let them be peaceful and learn to love another person. No one can tell you this answer though they may try. Just pray hard about it and look deep in your heart and by all means talk to both of your parents at the same time. Let them know what their fighting and leaving is making you feel like. They need to consider everyone's opinions and comments that are in this family and handle this maturely. If together and trying to both be better people, great. If deciding to be apart and civil, great. Just be who you are and let your voice be heard instead of going with the flow and watching them do their thing. Don't let them forget that you are a major part of what's going on, in a good way.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. It's ultimately your parents' decision, but what you have to remember is that it is sometimes best for the children. If a couple who fights that often stays together for the sake of the children, it just makes for a worse environment for the kids to be raised in.

Will you get any visitation with your dad and your sister? Even though there's nothing you can do to change their minds about separating, you should at least sit them down and tell them how you're feeling. In this case, I would even demand visitation with my sister. That part isn't fair that they're breaking up the siblings.

Answer 7

Dear one, first of all, it is NOT your fault!!! I have four children and I am divorced. Their father is still in their life, but there were issues that were not in their control. Remember that they had a life before you came along and there are issues that they have been dealing with for years. I am really sorry for your problem. Please remember not to keep it in. Talk to someone you can trust and dont let it build up. You are still young and your input may not be heard, but you are important and dont ever forget that. Down the road, maybe they will fell comfortable talking with you about what is happening now, but please do not allow yourself to take it to heart. Us adults fo things that are not always right in childrens eyes, but we try.
As far as the separation from your siblings, maybe you can voice that and allow your parents to know how you feel. Maybe as tough as it may be to go through, you can suggest custody hearings for the courts to determine that. Also, see if you can look up a child advocate. That is someone who will represent what you want, they would be on the side of the children.
Honey, this is so hard, just take one deep breath at a time

Answer 8

I know this is a trying time. But you need to remember that your parents love you enough that they are separating, instead of continuing to fight all the time. I know that you love them and it is hard. But would you rather grow up in that kind of environment instead of fighting and arguing all the time. You will be much more peaceful. And as far as custody goes. That is not really set in stone. Just as long as your parents agree you can spend the night wherever you want. Good Luck honey, I am sorry about your situation. But it does look as if it is the best thing for your parents to do!

Answer 9

Dear 13 year old,
Divorce is something that is hated by god but is allowable. No humans want to be separated after deciding to live together.
I advise you to just give your love to every individual in your family. Your parents have their own feelings towards each other and they know better whether they should get a divorce or not. You being the child have to rely on what has been promised by god that every person will have his own ways and life designed for him.
Don't worry too much. Life is meant to be difficult. That is life. If it is not, it would be very boring, don't you think?

Answer 10

Sorry girlfriend. Try not to get to sad over it. I'm sure they would have seperated a long time ago if not for trying to stay together for you. Wether you realize it or not. However, I dont like the idea of seperating the kids. Nope...not at all. I have 15 siblings. My oldest sister had a different dad.. she is now 45...my youngest is 21. The bottom 12 dont know her. That really bothers me. They wont even aknowledge that she's part of the family. Dont let this happen to YOU.

Answer 11

Next time they get in a fight, agree with both of them. Say yeah that's it fight! This is something you haven't done in the past few minutes! So someone scream. Someone throw something, because as the adults your doing a good job of acting my age.

Then tell them if they had any brains they would know that marriage requires give and take and 2 takers never works. Look at themselves to see that.

Or if you wanna drop a bomb on them, next time they fight ask them, what's going to happen to me? Then start crying. Ask if you can live with a friend. Go get the phone and call said friend and ask to speak to their dad. Tell him you need new parents and home and you think he has done an outstanding job with his family/kids and you think he is the perfect canidate.

Of course all this is to make your parents shut up and listen to you.

Then tell them to protect the love.

Just be sure not to take sides. You want to make both of them feel like ****. Afterall, thats what they are doing to you.