I love my husband, but because of his illness and depression, our relationship is platonic. Not my idea, he's just overwhelmed. The doctors say there is no physical limitation. He's seen two counselors who think he's making progress. Once every year or so, doesn't seem like progress to me.
I won't be unfaithful, but I am lonely. And I honestly don't know what to do about that.
How do you decrease or redirect that drive?
I really hate feeling like this, and I have no idea what to do.
The marriage I hoped for is no longer a possibility. How do I grieve it and move on with my husband without dying inside?
How can you make yourself honestly okay with something you would never choose?
I find myself just shutting down, and I don't want to do that. But when I'm open and vulnerable I end up angry with him and I cry a lot. I know that just makes him feel guilty on top of his depression, and I hate that. What makes the loneliness go away?
How does God heal the loneliness?
2006-06-09 19:47:15 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
He has type II diabetes, and we have it under control. His doctors are amazed. It's just the idea of having a disease that has him freaked out. He seems to have internalized it.
Our relationship is really good in other ways, he's just really shut down sexually.
He's not on anti-depressants. I don't think he's telling the doctors how depressed he really is, because that would be one more diagnosis and I don't think he wants to take anti-depressants.
He has a full time job, hobbies, etc. I have volunteer work and I'm going back to college. I just miss him. I miss that part of our relationship. Not just the sex, but the intimacy.
This has been going on for 6 years. I've tried to take the lead, I am supportive of him and his therapy - both nutritional for his diabetes and emotionally I'm there for him. I just don't seem to be able to compete with his fear.
2006-06-09 20:09:51 · update #1
I relate as my husband is ill also, but I am in it for the long haul. I married him better or worse. It is harder as you are younger than us.
We cuddle A LOT and I just let him know how good a husband he really is.
I made a vow to God, and thru Him, we can get thru this. Maybe a good Christian counselor would help. It is best to talk it out between you.
No one feels worse than they do. They think they have let us down, but that is life.
Remember, you have a lot of memories with this man. He sounds like a good man.
I think there are sex therapists that can maybe help you two, also, aren't there?
Otherwise, just keep your mind on other things, read your Bible, keep a clear mind, stay faithful, cuddle a lot....
Lots of love to you both........
2006-06-09 20:58:26 · answer #1 · answered by deed 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think the problem is 2 folds, the original problem is his depression, and because of his depression and maybe some medications he has to take, then he is not active in the other way. that is causing the 2nd problem which is your frustration and the fact that you are feeling lonely. you are getting furstrated and mad because you are trying to solve your problem and find a way around it. I think the right way to approach this is to try to help him get over his depression. at that time, the second problem will not exist anymore..
I know it is easier said than done, but you need to support him and be a major help for him, I think with the help of doctors and your support, he could recover faster and make better progress which in turn will help you.
I know again, this is not easy, it means you need to sacrafise a lot, but that's your only chance of getting anything good out of this relationship regarding your satisfaction, it is a long turm plan rather than a quick patch..
I think if he sees and feels your energy and your support, that will encourage him and give him the motivation to get himself out of his dark days and see the bright side of life.
I am sure you are trying to support him, but try not to focus on your needs and see if you can do something more to help him. if you are suffering once, I am sure his sufferings are few times as much as yours and it is not easy. help him out and it will work.
last but not least, when you feel frustrated and have nothing to say or can't do more, pray to God and ask for help and wisdom, you will be find.
May God help you and him
2006-06-10 02:59:59 · answer #2 · answered by a_ece_99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe in God so I can't help you in that department..but I can tell you as a gay male from my point of view a great friend is far better than a quick roll in the hay..I've been with the same guy for 19 years and no, the sex isn,t what it's all about,,,,if you really want that you can find it on any street corner. I also don't believe that in life, you ever get 100%,,,and 90% ain't too bad at all. Maybe you need help with YOUR depression...life isn't always easy. Good luck.
2006-06-10 02:57:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not how or why. It's that God does heal.
Pray and ask for forgiveness and healing, believeing it has already happened, give God all the honor, glory and praise for making you the wife you are to your husband.
You must first put your anger out with the trash.You know it is by no fault of your husband.Only Satin wants you to believe it is.
Stay true to God, yourself and your husband, and the belief that Jesus can and will heal.
You are in my prayers. Your husband is a very lucky man, I hope he knows the love you have for him. God Bless.
2006-06-10 03:06:31 · answer #4 · answered by marvs36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first answerer, get him some better help. Have him talk to a therapist or psychologist that he can connect with. If your husband has a good sense of humor, he shouldn't talk to someone that rarely smiles, he should talk to someone someone that knows how to be serious, but, also knows how to laugh.
Don't give up, keep trying everyday to help yourself and your husband! I wish you and him the best.
2006-06-10 03:07:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey get him to a different counselor! The other two are obviously not helping. Make him sit down for a real heart to heart with you. Maybe something is holding him back that he has yet to divulge.
2006-06-10 02:51:47 · answer #6 · answered by ginarene71 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear: loneliness Ro:8:35: Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Ro:8:36: As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter
1Pe:5:7: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
PRAY DAILY,FROM THE HOLY BIBLE,AND ASK THE LORD
FOR HELP,DO IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART,SOUL,AND MIND.
2006-06-10 03:07:51 · answer #7 · answered by flindo61 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋