My boyfriend is jealous of my past...?

Question

Not too long ago I explained to him of a time when I was sexually abused when I was a child. I can't change it or help what happened to me now. He acts so jealous of it. At odd times he'll just bring up or hint about it and say something like "well I was never touched. Only on my arm. Heh no one wanted to touch me." He has admitted to me that he is jealous of the person who touched me but I don't think that is the whole truth. I think he is jealous of ME being abused when I was a kid. I've even told him of the nightmares I've had because of my past and how horrible it is to have to remember something like that. But he always talks about how he was never touched. He should be HAPPY that he was never abused and doesn't have to remember stuff like that. Part of me wants to scream at him and tell him to grow up but the other half of me tells me to be patient with him. I hate when he brings up my past because it hurts me and I've told him so yet he continues to bring it up.What should I do?

Answer 1

In the first place, he should understand that what happened to you was not to your liking. He should have compassion for your having experienced that painful abuse. But at least, he hasn't broken off with you yet which might mean that he really loves you. What you should do is to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Tell him that you are hurt every time he says that he hasn't been touched by anybody else. Explain to him that you never wanted to be abused like that and that experience was something you never dreamed about to experience. If he is asking you to have sex with him, as much as possible, avoid giving in yet because you are not sure of his future actions regarding your relationship. Sometimes, men take advantage of women who have bad sexual experiences thinking that they could use this to their sexual interest. I don't say that he is like that but that may be a possibility if he is what you say he is. I doubt the truthfulness of his intentions with you because a man who really loves a woman always understands and sympathize with her every time that she experiences something horrible like that.

Better yet, search your heart. Is he really true to you? Will he grow up to be a matured gentleman? Will he learn to accept you for what you are? Is there no hope that both of you will overcome the hurting brought about by what happened to you?
If your answer to the majorityof these questions is yes, may be, it's better for you to separate ways with him before it's too late. If he does not agree to the separation, ask for his commitment that he will not hurt you again by being inconsiderate to you with his words and actions in the future. Smile and good luck

Answer 2

A lot of people truly believe that any person who is abused is at fault for their own abuse in some way - women who are raped are asking for it by dressing provocatively, etc. It is disgusting to think that way about a child, that a child would be at fault for their own abuse, but that is the way your boyfriend is thinking. Instead of being supportive and loving and understanding, he is blaming you, as though you had any control over the situation. This is a sign of a disturbed person with a skewed understanding of women.

Another possibility is that he never had any sort of love as a child, healthy or otherwise, and he is upset that he had no attention, while you had some, even if it was bad attention. Either way, he is a troubled soul.

You should leave this man. He seems like someone who could become emotionally abusive.

Answer 3

Well to be brutally honest with you, your boyfriend sounds really immature, and along with immaturity comes the inability to comprehend the tragedy you faced. Anyone who would bring up a sexual abuse as if it were something to be jealous of, or something to make remarks like that about, is not sensitive to your feelings. Sexual abuse is NOT funny, it is nothing to downplay and as you see in your case, it can haunt the victim for ever. I think you need to sit down and have a very serious talk with him and explain to him how his comments make you feel. Explain to him that it is a very real thing, and not something that the victim deserved, or wanted. If he continues, you might want to explore other options. In other words, a mature man.

Answer 4

it sounds like you are dealing with an emotional imbecile. this jerk is the last thing you need. besides the fact that his jealousy over abuse makes me wonder if somewhere in his psyche something about abuse turns him on, the fact that he's so selfish that he's concerned about his own little wimpy *** ego rather than the pain you've gone through tells me this guy is not right for you. don't let this guy make a bad memory even worse. you CAN and WILL do better.

Answer 5

You're right. He should be upset with that other person. He's making less of you. He shouldn't be doing that. I think that you have "almost found out" something about him. Get him to tell you what it is that he isn't telling you. He'll fly off the handle, probably. Tell him it's safe to talk, and all you'll do is listen - and then just LISTEN. Tell him to spit it out, and he'll feel better. Let him tell it all to you, and then decide what you want to do from there. You'll probably like eachother more!

Answer 6

I think he is just saying he doesn't understand, cause it never happen to him and because u put so many blocks on u/his sexual relationship and him being a man. the onlything he can come up with to say is i'm jealous of who touched u. Cause i'm sure u have blocks up.Anybody in your place does.I do and me and my husband had the same problem.Just keep talking to him.

Answer 7

listen i was sexually abused as a child and that is why i am going to tell you what happened in my relationship similar to yours.my ex-boyfriend kept throwing my past in my face saying hurtful things like. when your uncle touched you,you said that you thought it was okay so over a couple of months he started to physically abuse me. i tried to stay with him because he would threaten to kill me and you would think after i shared this information with him he would treat me right.i don,t know about your relationshio to this guy but if he is saying hurtful things to you now then he might be abusive later. e-mail me if you need some one to talk to. [e-mail]

Answer 8

First of all are you in survivor's counseling? It would help you tremendously with coping with what happened to you and a counselor would be better at answering that question for you....I would hate to give you advice that would cause you more distress, you obviously have been through enough trauma.

I don't think that your boyfriends reaction is normal...I would definitely talk to someone more qualified to give you sound advice....soon.

Answer 9

Tell your boyfriend he is a sick asshole because he is jealous no one touched him. let him know he should be lucky that he never had to experience that, and that you dont appreciate what he says. Put him in his place and let him know there will be consequences. If he keeps bringing it up. and then get him help or something cause he is a sicko then

Answer 10

What you should do, which will be hard, but not half as hard as what he is doing to you right now, is to break it off. If he can't understand what you went through and can't comfort you and help you work through it, but messes with your head about it instead, then he is definitely bad news and has no true love for you at all. Break it off and move on. You deserve much better!