Does my mother in law dislike me?

Question

My mother in law came over to visit and seen a empty b day cake container and said whos birthday was it? my husband said it was mine and she didn't have a reply. About three days later she was over again and seen on the calendar it was written Lori's b day and said "oh, Lori it was your b day?" I replied yes, and she still said nothing. I wish I had said something because it still bothers me, but I'd feel stupid bringing it up now as it's been 5 months ago. Isn't it rude that she didn't wish me a happy birthday? Then on x mas came over and didn't bring me a gift! (I was at my moms house when she came over) She brought me a small gift three days later but I felt offended that she came over on christmas and had a gift for my husband and not for me. Am I just crazy or does she not like me?

my mother in law lives two hours away from us. The b day thing happened when she came down to visit unexpectedly. She never calls and says when shes coming over. I didn't think to tell her about my b day because my fiance hadn't talked to her on the phone prior to that. As for the christmas gift, she came in to my work and said Oh, Chris isn't here?(my fiance) I thanked her for the gift and she said "well, this isn't all......" She never brought me anything else. When we stayed with her last year we were planning to live with her then get an apartment near where she lives. A job didn't work out so we decided to move back home. As we were leaving she said" hey Lori your check is going to come here." in a smart tone with a grin on her face. Needless to say I never got my mail, though we asked countless times. She has three other daughters, one my age the others a couple years younger. They arent married. She dosen't do a whole lot for them, but even then I think what she did was rude

So how do I just bring something up like this to her? Hey Terri do you like me? We've never really had much of a relationship because we don't see her very often and I'm shy anyway. She isn't! Shes the kind of person that will speak her mind. I just wanted a second opinion because I think that no matter what it was rude. Chris gave her a gift from us on christmas, I know she didn't bring me one because he said so. He dosen't think she dislikes me. The only thing I can think of is if she thought I wanted to move home, not him, and thinks I took him away from her. He's her firstborn and only sonanyway. I want to say something but I'd feel stupid.

Answer 1

best thing you can do is just come right out with it. Dont beat around the bush cause itll make u look weak and then she'll pounce on u and have control of the conversation. Just come right out with it. Dont even ask your finace to talk to her about it cause then he'll tip her off and she'll be expecting you to talk to her about it. and every time that you dont talk to her about it (if ur man tips her off) she'll think ur scared of her which gives her power over u. Just call her on the phone or even better when u are in front of her just ask her what her problem is and list the things shes done to make u think u doesnt like u. if u do it this way, itll show her that u arent scared to putur foot down with her . And that u wont take that form of disrespect from her. And it seems to me like shes testing u. to see how much u will take and then finally when u cant take it anymore ur gonna blow up at her and shell have a reason to hate you for reals. Dont give her that satisfaction. Talk to her in person before u reach ur boiling point. let me know what happens k?

Answer 2

I don't know all the details, but it doesn't seem she dislikes you. She might have a case of forgetfulness. You would really have to judge this based on more than two events. Do you talk to each other on the phone? Do you shop together? Do you have any kind of relationship? I have found that it's not that mother in laws don't like their daughter in laws, but the fact the daughter in laws often leave them out, don't communicate, don't share little things, don't offer to help. Sometimes it seems that the husband/son is the item to which must be divided and conquered and no woman wins. You know what I would do? Call her up. Talk to her often. Send her little cards and what-nots. Let her know you love her. Don't worry about if she remembers your birthday, Christmas or whatever. You find pleasure in making sure she knows YOU LOVE HER. And if she never comes around, you will still know and have in your heart that you have shown her love - I guarantee - her son, your husband, will see all this love pouring and he will love you even more. Try it. Good luck.

Answer 3

Before jumping to conclusions - does she have any other children? How does she treat their spouses? What were the traditions in her family? Is everyone given a gift, or just her immediate family? How does she treat you otherwise (outside of gift giving)?

If she treats you well and it's just a gift issue, perhaps you're focusing on the wrong thing. If you value a good relationship with your mother-in-law, why not take her out to lunch and discuss it with her. I wouldn't focus on the gifts though, otherwise she'll think you're after material things. Just tell her that you've gotten the feeling that perhaps she has a problem with you and you want to clear the air so that you can move forward since you'll both be a part of one another's lives for a long time.

Take it from someone who has gone through feuds with in-laws . . . avoid them at all costs. They will hurt you, them and more importantly, your relationship.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Hey, how about being a grown up. Sit down and talk with the woman. She could have been offended that she wasn't invited to your birthday party. She might have known you weren't going to be there on Christmas and preferred to give you her present in person. There could be something other than dislike going on. But what isn't happening is you really talking to her. Call her up and suggest a girl's afternoon out. Don't bring up the specific incidents you mentioned above, but explain that you really would like to be closer to her and you feel that the relationship is awkward right now. See what she says. Remember, she has known and loved your husband his whole life. She is still getting used to you. How much have you done to welcome her into your life?

Answer 5

There is a good chance that she would not like anyone that dates/marries her son, so don't take it personally. If you feel that she is being rude, you have a couple of choices - just ignore it, or, since she believes in speaking her mind, feel free to do the same to her and tell her what you think. Either way, don't let her response bother you - you are not marrying her, after all. My mother-in-law took advantage of my shyness for quite a while, being blunt or seemingly insulting toward me when I came to visit with her son. One day, I finally got fed up and told her "Well, at least my mother taught me to be polite!" Then I left the house and waited in the car until my spouse had finished his visit (he asked me to rejoin them, but I refrained). After that, she liked me a lot better, though I don't understand why. Maybe because she learned I had a backbone after all. I wasn't ever too shy to give her my opinion after that, either...

Answer 6

It was rude for her not to wish you a happy birthday - and it was rude for her not to bring you a gift. You are a part of her family whether she likes it or not. You and/or your husband need to talk to her about her actions - she should know how rude she was. Your husband should have said something about the Christmas gift immediatley - that is just plain horrible for her to bring a gift for him and not for you. Let her know how you feel and clear the air so hopefully you two can have some kind of civil relationship. You may want to have your husband talk to her - or at least have him present and talk to her together. But she should be confronted about her aweful behavior.

Answer 7

There is a break down in communication between you and your mother-in-law. Why do you not tell her of birthdays... and why do you not have gifts for her on her birthday and for Christmas? It seems as if she is trying not to be an interfering mother-in-law and that she is taking her cues from you... You have to initiate a list of birthdays... of the people that you two share and know... and exchange this list for her information. Then ask her for dates of birthdays on her side of the family that you are interested in and don't know about... Then sit down and ask her how she wants to celebrate birthdays and Christmas holidays. The idea here is SHARING INFORMATION... Be open and discuss things... instead of being secretive... that is a sign that you don't want her into your home or life... and if that is the case... you don't have a right to complain about the situation.

Answer 8

Next time invite her to things more often and see if she comes or not. Observe how she is with others in the family, does she act the same way? Maybe it is just her personality. That would be a good way to find out. But bottom line if she dosn't like you, to bad for her. You are married to her son so she should put some sort of effort into you. Maybe send her HELLO or THINKING OF YOU cards. That might get the ball rolling, maybe she thinks you don't like her. She wasn't obviously invited to your bday for cake. I bet that hurt her feelings.

Answer 9

I would buy a small gift, wrap it, invite your mother in law to dinner, and give her the gift. Tell her that you wanted to let her know how special you think she is for raising the one man you chose to be your husband. Make sure you never forget her birthday and Christmas.

She will see that you are a better woman than she is and how lucky her son is to have you.

Answer 10

She probably doesn't like you but don't worry, most mothers-in-law hate the sons' wife anyway.. it is the thing about that is their baby boy and they don't think anyone is good enough... just give her time to come around, be nice to her (and remember her birthday with a card and small gift) eventually she'll realize that she got a good daughter-in-law and her son got a good wife