What is your thought about this..sexual abuse?

Question

I was sexually abused by step-father from age 7yrs old until 17 yrs old. Afraid to tell my mother, and when I did try, my step-father denied it. How can a mother know this has happened to her child and continue to let it happen. Was my mother blind or did she just turn the other cheek? I finally moved out when I turned 18...only way to stop the abuse. People never spoke of this back then...we had to keep it to our selves. I'm 38 now..and very open about abuse with our children...they talk to us about everything! :)

Yes , they are still together. But, I have forgiven my mother. They will one day stand before God and that is when their time will come. Thank you for your kind words.

Answer 1

I think you are very courageous because most girls are completely destroyed by such a past! I think that you built up your personality and probably drew some strength from this traumatizing experience and I really respect you for that. it's a great thing you should be able to lift up the taboo for your own children.

Answer 2

Yours is not a unique situation, it is far more prevalent than people think. Education and strict laws, have cut down on the child abuse a lot, but it still is there.

I am glad you got away from the abuse, and have a very good life. I would suggest you get involved in child abuse prevention in your community. You would make a great contribution with your firsthand knowledge of the subject. And help prevent other children from going through what you did.

I am 57 and it happened to me from the time I was 5 until I was 12. You can spend the rest of your life trying to analyze why your mother turned a blind eye to your horrific abuse. Don't do it. I was taken away from my mother at the age of 12 and raised by my grandmother. At the age of 20 I decided to speak to my mother and tried to make a relationship with her. At the age of 50, I gave up. She was always jealous of me, and used every opportunity to hurt me and my children. I became a medical professional, and my children are professionals. They can not stand their grandmother. I have never said a word to them, about anything.

The 7 years since I finally told my biological mother that she would have to stand before God and answer, not me.....have been very productive happy years. I never looked back. I will face God saying I tried to honor my mother.

God bless :)

Answer 3

I was abused from 5 -16 yrs old. I finally broke down and told my mother when i was 24 and she just laughed at me. I moved in with my dad so that the abuse would stop and he got me into counseling immediately. My mom is one of those that believes that no one could do any harm to her or her family. She still can't understand why I won't even come around the abuser. I think that my mom is the one that needs the help. My mom knew that my brother and I were getting physically abused for years and she did nothing about it. I was too scared to tell her about the sexual abuse for the fear that she would not do anything about it.

Answer 4

I was also abused by my adoptive father (my grandma and step grandpa adopted me and my brother). This went on from about age 1 to about 15 or 16. My brother and our half sister and a female cousin were also abused by him, as well as by our maternal grandpa.

My mom knew about the abuse (she had to of from what I have been told about memories from my sister and my best friend I have known most of my life). She didn't do anything either. I was angry with her for so long because of this, but then realized that she was, probably, scared to be on her own. Plus, she was from the 'old school' where you didn't divorce your husband because of things like that (I am still not sure why whe and my grandpa divorced) and that you stick it out thick and thin. She also seemed to be quite in love with him, no matter what he did. I never tried telling anyone because of things my dad would tell me to keep me quiet. It was when I was in my late 20s or early 30s that I started to talk about it.

I am soooooooooooooo glad that you talk with your children about everything, especially abuse. It has always been around, but just not talked about until the recent years. I wish we knew as kids what we know now so we could have at least known to tell teachers, etc, until someone believed us and we got help.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Your mother was in denial; most women do not want to believe that the man they are in love with could do such a thing, and it may be that she was afraid to leave because she did not think she would be able to support you and herself on her own. Good for you, to be open with your children; all kids need to be aware about the kinds of things that can happen, and that if it does they are not at fault. Have you considered joining an abuse survivor's therapy group, to work through the hostility you are still feeling? Sounds like you have a lot to still get off your chest, and you need to be able to talk about what happened to you with others who have been through the same thing. Call your local hotline, they should be able to put you in touch with a group. Prayers with you, dear....

Answer 6

What a good question. How can a mother turn a blind-eye to something like this? The sad truth is,some women are so desparate to have a man in their lives that they sometimes take the men over their own flesh and blood. You can still report this abuse and press charges. You have guts! I am extremely proud of you. God bless you.

Answer 7

I am most sorry about your situation. I too went thru the same situation, and my mother stayed with my step-father because he had money... I was shipped off to a convent high school and lock away... I recommend that you get Danielle Steel's book;
JOURNEY. It is all about abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, spiritual abuse, and physical abuse ... all types of abuse... and what women go thru in their preceptionn of accepting abuse from men... and she uses this story to teach how to handle this situation... there is very good advice in this fictional book. It should be a recommended reader for every girl growing up... and for every woman before marriage. My mother once took me to see a psychiatrist when I was 14 from the convent school... but it was so there would be a legal record she could use in court against my step-father... and she used this as a weapon to blackmail him to grant her anything she wanted.... not for my benefit. My mother was a self-serving woman. I did not have any parent to speak of...

Answer 8

First of all, you have a lot of courage to speak out about this. Not many people do, not because they are weak at all, but they are frightened. Good for you for this first step! :) I have two friends that were abused as girls...by it seems, people in the family or who were close to them. Fortunately their mothers believed them ... and one of the abused girls has taken her abuser to court.
Your mother is obviously in denial about this. It is common for this to occur, especially from parents that grew up in the 20's onwards. Just how they were brought up. I would still be very open about what happened with your mother. If she still is in denial, I'm afraid you are going to over time come to accept this. Though isn't it important, that your kids believe you and from this experience you have taught them about abuse and they are also very open to you. :) There are many ways of dealing with abuse and your way is one of the best. You are educating your kids and others about abuse and this is very good of you. Don't let your mum's denial bother you too much....just be happy you have such wonderful children and other people around you that love and support you. :)

Answer 9

Your mother was probably frightened of him as you were. sometimes the only thing you can do is what you know, even if it is wrong. I am so glad you got out with enough self esteem to protect your own future and that of your children. Please try to forgive your mother. I have a self esteem teacher who says" We make the choices we make with the information we have at the time. When we have better information, we make better choices."
You could volunteer for a spouse abuse center and use your experience to do a lot of good. I wish you well.

Answer 10

is that true. I am shocked to answer your. sexual abuse is terrible indeed but your silence is even more terrible. you can turned to your teacher or doctor when your mother did nothing to stop this. how did you keep silent for all those years? I can't believe that. Sorry but I can't feel sympathy with your story at all. You were part of this crime.