what should i do also i have a 10 month old baby boy ?
2006-06-09 13:13:06 · 22 answers · asked by Richard B 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
i would say the same thing as your wife.
Your family come first.
but then it also depends on why he went to jail. its a tough call..its time for him to get his own act together not depend on you to support him.
Good luck.
2006-06-09 13:16:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The number one concern is what he went to jail for. If it was something minor, and not something that could harm you, your wife, or child, tell your wife to chill and at least give the man a chance. Everyone deserves a second chance at life on the outside. On the other hand, if it was something that could put you and your family in danger. Explain to your brother why you are concerned. If your brother went to jail for drugs..is he over that? Or would he be doing/dealing from YOUR home when he is released? But if it is something minor, talk to your wife about why he should be given a chance, and try to meet her halfway...make a compromise, like if he screws up once.he is out. Maybe he could help around the house for you and your wife letting him stay there.
2006-06-09 22:11:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with answer #1. If he was irresponsible enough to get put into jail then he can't possibly be responsible enough to live with you and your wife. My husband and I have this belief that we discuss EVERY situation and decide together, however if one of us STRONGLY opposes a situation then the situation is "dead in the water." You have to remember you have your own family now (not that your previous one doesn't count) it's just that you need to decide which one means more to you. When you said I do, you said it to your wife - it did not include both of your families as well. I am not saying that you shouldn't help him, but there are other types of help - give him money, help him get into a shelter, anything other than forcing your wife to sacrifice her & your son's safety. You may trust your brother, but that doesn't mean that he deserves that trust from your wife, especially since he is just getting out of jail. Trust is something earned and his getting out of jail isn't the first step toward that.
I am trying not to preach to you, it's just my husband and I have similar family issues. I believe that maybe if you see someone else's opinion in a similar situation that you can be more objective about it.
Good Luck
2006-06-09 20:27:20 · answer #3 · answered by Just me.... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your blood however blood can be worse than strangers....so I suggest you let your brother stay but set strong rules and give him a time period. Watch his behavior and if he defaults on any of the rules or starts acting irresponsible than tell him he has to go. Explain this to your wife in a rational, non-emotional way. When your brother arrives have a family meeting (wife included) and explain the ground rules. The guilt will eat you alive if you turn your back on him and everyone deserves a chance. Maybe he has changed..you won't know until you take this risk...afterall thats what life is all about, taking risk. Playing it safe all the time is being weak and unnatural....Peace
2006-06-09 20:24:55 · answer #4 · answered by Kenya_7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your brother he can't live with you and your wife, maybe you can help him find housing somewhere else. Depending on what state your in, most people getting out of jail can stay at the mission for men or a halfway house.
2006-06-09 20:20:44 · answer #5 · answered by kitty45 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a very difficult one!
Help your brother as much as you can, but your home is not yours alone, it's your wife's home and your baby son's home too and they have a right to be secure and to feel safe in their own home.
If there is any likelihood that your brother's presence will endanger your wife and child or cause serious disruption in your home, then you have a greater duty to protect your spouse, your child and your relationship than to house your brother.
The traditional wedding vows contain a line that says 'and forsaking all others keep you only unto her' - this doesn't mean that you have to forget about your birth family once you marry, but it means that you have to make your marriage and the children of that marriage your first priority.
Perhaps you could look around for some affordable accommodation for your brother before his release, somewhere not too far away from you, where you can keep in close contact with him without endangering your family life.
If he is being released on parole or probation perhaps his parole officer can suggest somewhere suitable, or perhaps you could contact one of the charities that help with the care and resettlement of offenders.
If your brother's imprisonment arose as a result of drug or alcohol addiction you might be able to get help or advice from one of the agencies that specialise in those areas.
It is right and admirable that you want to help your brother, but if he is an adult and of sound mind then he is responsible for his own actions and their consequences. Help as much as possible but don't attempt the impossible and endanger the welfare of your wife, your child and yourself.
Good luck to you and to your brother.
2006-06-09 20:45:52 · answer #6 · answered by bernieszu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should listen to your wife. You have a family to take care of, not your brother. He can seek assistance from the system and there are half-way houses where he can stay. You can find out what resources are in your area and work with the community organization or church in your area. Get all that info ready for your brother and be available to take him around to get to the places he needs to go to get back on his feet. Encourage him to take advantage of all that he can while it is there for him. He will need it all. Find out what items he needs to even go forth. He will need that support. May God give you and your brother the grace and favor he will surely need.
2006-06-09 23:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife and child come first. There is a reason your brother is in jail, he needs to clean up his own mess. Refer him to a shelter. You wouldn't let someone else who just got out of jail move in with you and your baby, so your brother shouldn't be any exception. Tough decision, but you shouldn't let him.
2006-06-09 20:17:23 · answer #8 · answered by mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your wife. You have a baby that you have to put before your brother. Help him get a job but do not move him in.
2006-06-09 20:17:35 · answer #9 · answered by mockingbirdkiller 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she would agree to letting him stay for 2 weeks while he looks for a job and another place to live. It also depends on what he was in jail for.
2006-06-09 20:18:39 · answer #10 · answered by Worry? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'Tough love'! try to help him find somewhere to stay! if nothing else, take him to a 'man's shelter'!
Your wife and your children should come first!
I do not know what your brother did but if you want a happy and longlasting marriage, you need to find out 'early' that a house cannot be occupied by 'two families'!
I assume you love your brother! help him seek a place to stay and make sure he finds work then he can find his 'own' place!
2006-06-09 22:22:36 · answer #11 · answered by ARIES 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋