My InLaws have custody of one of many children sired by their looser son, my husbands brother & my kids are being hurt over it! plz help! Here's the story..Since they got "Jeff"everything's gone down hill. We all used to have a good relationship. ie eat out together, watcha movie together, they would keep our kids (both girls 9 & 11) 1s a week in the summer & so on...Of course we had arguments (my husband used to be a momma's boy) but it was going pretty good until they got Jeff. The plan was, once they got their house built (behind us in bike riding distance for the grandkids)we'd be able to spend more time together. Well I'm not stupid, I knew my mnlaw& I would have to get straight who's territory's who's.OK, well now.our kids are not allowed to just show up, they have to call 1st because Jeff might be busy or she's usually to tierd, blah blah blah! She wihnes nonstop about having to raise him but wont let anyone help.He's ADHD so she won't let me keep him to give her a brea
2006-06-09 10:56:47 · 10 answers · asked by Lakin J 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like a chaotic Mess!
I have to wonder why mom ( you) or Dad (your x) dont have custody, the courts dont usually give grandparents custody unless the parents are unfit..........
Try respecting some of her wishes, maybe shes trying to actually raise Jeff in a healthy environment and having people show up whenever they feel like is distracting.
Personally I prefer people to call before they come over.
Since she has your son ( that is now " hers" to take care of) your only choice is to go by her rules.
You can decide to make it better or worse by your ATTITUDE!
2006-06-09 12:34:55 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Having a ADHD child is one of the hardest jobs any parent can have, Your mother in law has taken on a big job in taking in her grandson.
I can understand your mother in laws need to have her space, and I think somewhere deep down you resent the fact that she place more importance on Jeff then she does on you and your children.
You call Jeff's father a looser this may be true but you mother in law is trying her best to provide a loving and stable home for granchild. I agree with some of the others on here make a day once a fortnight to go to the park where Jeff can run wild or to the zoo where it can wear him out.
You may think your mother in law is Bitching about having Jeff but be there and support her, or work with your husband in talking your mother in law to having a day to herself once a week and you offer to look after Jeff.
I think you need to get your priorites right, It is not Jeff's fault his father is a looser in your eyes, you should be supporting your nephew and not punsih him for his fathers actions because I think that is what is happening. Get over the Green Eyed Monster because all it does is cause more pain and anger!
Embrace the situation and enjoy the time you have with your nephew, he did't ask to be put into this situation, would you rather him be in a foster home away from his family?
Get over it and work towards a better relationship with Jeff and your mother in law, just remember you married your husband and not your mother in law, respect her wishes and you will find you will get a long way!
2006-06-09 11:15:41 · answer #2 · answered by ozi_nut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop judging. She is taking on a big responsibility and when she should be able to enjoy her grandchildren, she is being over whelmed.
Maybe she feels that you do not like Jeff, therefore she does not want you to feel even more put out.
If you and your family make a real effort to show that Jeff is accepted and wanted, maybe she will feel more comfortable in letting you take him.
And your children spending time there during the summer and be told to come over anytime they want is a privilege, not a right.
You sound hostile and angry. Get over it.
Jeff has lost his parents, he may feel rejected. He has ADHD (not an easy thing to deal with). This poor kid has his plate full. Think how he feels!
2006-06-09 11:07:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She chose to take in Jeff & it's up to her to take care of him. It's up to you to respect her needs, which have now changed. Ask her if the whole family can do something as a group some weekends - picnic in the park, zoo, etc. That way the kids can spend some time together & she can have some time that's not pure child care. She's older & has less energy & an ADHD kid can plain wear you out.
2006-06-09 11:03:03 · answer #4 · answered by Taffy Saltwater 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your in laws and let them know how you feel. Tell them you miss spending time with them and so do your kids. Let your mother in law know you are willing to help out with Jeff so that she can have a break now and then. Let her know you are there for her and whether she takes you up on it or not is her business.
All you can do is tell her how you feel and how this situation is affecting your relationship with them and hope that she will allow you to help her out which will ease tensions and get things back to normal.
2006-06-09 12:07:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calling before you show up is common courtesy for anyone.
A child who is ADHD has trouble with sudden changes in their daily routine. They need a lot of structure. Planning a visiting schedule for your kids could make things easirer for everyone, including you.
As far as your mother-in-law allowing you to help with the child....would she allow you to 'sit' with him while she is near by a few times? This could build her confidence in the ability of others to care for him.
2006-06-09 11:09:44 · answer #6 · answered by Puzzler 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd first sit down my son, dad, and mom in regulation down. i'd enable your son deal with the topic matters (if he's sufficiently previous) and the way it make him sense even as this happens. i'd then enable them both comprehend how a lot this hurts him. If the mummy in regulation would not end the then, i does not enable my son round her on my own. And all fairness being a mom to a son....or vice versa. we've a tendency to over look after and yet in even as not needed. merely look on the problem has you'd be interior a similar problem and perchance yet another 10 -15 years.
2016-11-14 10:00:44 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is just plain worn out and overwhelmed. Why not take a nice dinner over and talk to her? I'll bet she'd be thrilled.
2006-06-09 10:59:05 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You left out why she has custody of your one child. The answer might be because of that.
2006-06-09 11:02:07 · answer #9 · answered by becca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with notyou311 just start doing little things to help her out. Things will even out
2006-06-09 11:24:20 · answer #10 · answered by hermom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋