Im going through a custody battle with my ex. My youngest son had to a different counler due to insuance problems. Anyway, he went in for an assesment and he says he has a small problem that i have a couple of drinks when hes with me. He said thar his father hits him and say mean things to him. My son never had a problem that I had a few drinks before his last visit with Dad. His Dad only has that one tiny issue to put aganst me and he has been able to sway my son into thinking that drinking is a big problem for me ( it isnt). My oldest son thinks Im fine he has told me that its becouse of thier Dad that Justin has a problem. Also in this assesment the councler thinks that this custody battle will do more damage than good. His last councler said just the opposite. I'm torn as to what to do. I want what is best for my kids, I will from now on quit drinking in front of my son, thats no problem. How do I figure out whats best for the kids?
2006-06-09 10:02:17 · 11 answers · asked by leftlobejen 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It sounds like a custody battle will get nasty.
It will not matter if you give up drinking. There will be something else.
Try to work this out amicably and, maybe through a third party, get your husband to agree as well.
I would give up any drinks for now and get them out of your house. Prepare for the worst and plan for the best.
I am very sorry for your troubles. It breaks my heart. You have my prayers.
2006-06-09 10:05:38 · answer #1 · answered by Texas Cowboy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your ex hits your son and says mean things to him than what is best for your son is not to be with your ex. If it makes him uncomfortable for any reason stop drinking in front of him. But it will be harder to get your ex to stop hitting him, you need to take care of that right away, if that means that you get custody and make it so that you ex can not see your sons until he has under gone counseling that would be best. But as a family you need to go not just your younger son because that could also be part of the problem that he feels that he is the only one with problems when it is really a WHOLE family thing. Custody battles ARE hard on a child but getting him out of a abusive situation is most important.
2006-06-09 17:13:27 · answer #2 · answered by spyder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do as much as you can without involving the kids.
My ex lives in my basement so he can look after the kids while I work, so we have no custody or maintenance issues, nor do we argue.
Councellors can be helpful to children, but my experience has been that they make me and my son feel like we have a problem. They are so depressing. We prefer to put things behind us and move on and just try to have a good time now. Seems to work for us.
Let your son know that you will do whatever you can to keep him safe. It is also hard to tell when kids are mad enough at the situation to play it to their advantage.
2006-06-09 17:40:34 · answer #3 · answered by ridethestar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how old is he? has there been a guardian ad litem assigned to the kids since there are custody issues?
As far as the counselor goes, i think there isnt much you can do.... your son is already in a custody battle.... of course its not going to be good for him.... keep him in counseling....
how do you feel in your heart about your kids. Do you think they would be better off with full time dad and part time mom? i doubt it, otherwise there would be no custody battle....
i say stick to your guns..... though i would not drink in front of my kids if they are that impressionable.... and talk to your son about it (some) make sure he understands that as an adult you have the right to drink, and as long as you arent getting sloshed you are drinking responsibly.... if it bothers him to see you drinking then dont drink around him... at least until he is older....
sounds like he's pretty young right now....
but stick to your guns and keep him in counseling....
2006-06-09 17:17:15 · answer #4 · answered by Resasour 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all tell dad to grow up its just childish what he is doing to your son.One parent should never downgrade another in front of the child.And if there are concerns with abuse ask the court for supevised visits for your son and his father.And yes the problems with dad could be the sourse of your sons problems.And while a long drawn out custody battle is never good for anyone regardless of age.You have to do what you think is best for your son.Right is right and wrong is wrong.If its over the abuse issue then by all means fight for it
2006-06-09 17:11:54 · answer #5 · answered by bttrswttdrms 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you and your ex are split, you still have 2 children to think about. You need to somehow get yourselves together and work together for the children. What do the children want? There has got to be some sort of joint custody arrangement that will work for both of you. If your ex is hitting Justin, you need to get him out of there and fight like mad to keep him. Your kids deserve the best.
2006-06-09 17:13:33 · answer #6 · answered by seatonrsp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
custody battles are always awefull. parents try to manipulate children into thinking bad things about the other parents. Especially the younger kids, cuz they are more easily influinced. people suck. So even though it's not right, not drinking around them is a good idea. I suggest just be yourself, and the court will see through your husbands pettyness.
2006-06-09 17:35:09 · answer #7 · answered by slee z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have already figured it out, Your children need a consistant home life. If you love your kids, stop drinking, and obey the court's decisions. Don't fight with your ex in front of the kids, and never, NEVER bad mouth him in front of them. Make sure you have a steady income so you won't NEED his support payments. This is really all you can do
2006-06-09 17:56:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you shouldent let your children see you drink.... if thats what is going on with your children and the dad you need to go on with a custody battle .. and not let the father abuse the kids .. if you lose at least you did try ...
2006-06-09 19:00:18 · answer #9 · answered by purple 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit drinking all together and they've got no excuse in court! Your kids are worth giving up your "couple of drinks" for, aren't they?
2006-06-09 17:08:21 · answer #10 · answered by wildraft1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋