Why do parents have kids and then beat thier children? Do they really love them?

Question

Both of my parent had and alcohol and drug problem. My mother was very abusive and my father was gone all the time. My mother almost killed my younger sister and she is serving a seven year prison sentence for child abuse and neglect. Me and my siblings were placed in foster care and are all seperated.It has ruined our entire family.We never did anything wrong and were good kids This has been almost seven yrs. ago and we are still trying to get things back together. Both of my parents gave all four of us up for adoption and none of us are adopted yet. It has caused us to have major depression problems and problems with making relationships with other people and trusting them. I haven't spoken to any of my family in over six years except for my brother and sisters.

Answer 1

Lets define this, there is beating and there is abuse!

I as a child was beaten along with my brother and sisters.

I wasn't abused though. We all grew loved, but from those few beatings we had been disciplined and knew how to behave around our parents and others.

Those parents who abuse their children and ruin their lives are totally sick in their heads. And No they don't love, because they dont seem capable of such emotion.

I know you are feeling really depressed by what your parents did, but dont let this ruin your life. I know easy for me to say, but haven't they already taken up most of your life and ruined it for you. Look to the future and think abot what you are going to to make things better for your self, dont let them ruin your life any further.

All the best!

Answer 2

Parents are largely a product of their childhood and their susceptability to pressure from their peers. If they were beaten as children, they will go one of two ways: (1) they'll beat their children because "that's the way they were treated and they turned out alright," or (2) they will never lay a hand on any of their children for any reason. People actually believe that they are "ok" when they have experienced physical punishment as a child and they justify beating their children because they can't accept that it isn't the thing to do. To accept that beating a defenseless child is barbaric is to condemn their own treatment at the hands of THEIR parents. Few people are mature enough to accomplish this act of acceptance and condemn their aged parents for their behavior. If parents aren't smart enough to steer their children into reasonable behavior -- without beating them physically or mentally -- perhaps it's time to revisit the parent's intelligence rather than the child's behavior. A reasonably intelligent person cannot possibly believe that a very small child, much smaller and lighter than the parent, should ever be struck. That only creates fear in the child. What could a child do to justify such treatment? Children should be loved or they shouldn't be brought into this world. Adults have that choice. To have a child and beat it for any reason says unfortunate volumes about the parent.

Answer 3

Yes, they love them.
Parents beat their kids out of depression, desperation, infuriation - basically when negative emotions build up and the parent can't hold it in any more.
Kids can push you to your limits. In an ideal environment, you put them in a safe place (lounge, cot, bedroom etc) and walk away for 10 minutes. Or pass them to the other parent / grandparent for half an hour. Lucky us, who have that option.
But what if you have no-one to help? what if you have no money, no emotional support, no help... whatever you need, it's not there.
I am no expert, and I don't beat my kids. But I understand how hard they push you. I understand that without my partner, I would be floundering some days. I think that's common for most parents, to have days like that. The lucky ones have support. The unlucky ones have to deal with it alone or, worse, with an unsupportive or abusive partner. How they cope at all is a mystery. That sometimes people beat kids is a real shame, but no surprise. The parents and kids both need hugs and support and a chance to breathe out the stress and start over. Some get it, not all.
But yes, they love their kids.

Answer 4

I always take my nephew cause of that. But when u say beat do u mean abuse or just like spankin's? Cause my family was from the south and also our religion says "Spare the rod, spoil the child" Meaning if u don't dicipline your child, it will b spoiled, and that's not a good thing especially when they get older. (BUSH) lol.
But back 2 the subject, there r ways 2 dicipline your child. My child is 6 and she only got 3 spankin's in her life otherwise, it's just punishment 4 her. But my nephew, it's something different and I don't like it I can't say but it's horrible. I think yes most times people do love their children, they just can't control their attitudes, that's a personal problem, but the others, no they don't, and that's because they have their own reason y they didn't want it in the 1st place (God bless them), but some people just don't have any mercy.

Answer 5

I answered a question similar to this one the other day, so I'll paraphrase that answer here:

If you ever read The Shining (the book, not the movie), it talks about Jack (the main character)'s father, who beat his wife and kids with a cane. At the end of the book, Jack becomes insane, and starts to rationalize his father's behavior: basically, his father beat them because he wanted them to be well-adjusted members of society who respected their elders. I'm sort of guessing this is the motivation that a lot of abusers use. They beat their children so that they won't become spoiled; they think that eventually the kid will grow up to be a well-mannered adult, will thank his or her parents for teaching him or her strict discipline, and will be a better person for it, etc. Sort of an "I beat you because I love you" scenario.

It's complete bullshit, of course. They can rationalize it all they want, but the fact remains that child abuse is just that: abuse.

Answer 6

Yes, they love them but they just don't know how to deal with them. If you look at the foster care system you will see that most of these children are diagnosed with ADHD. It is hereditary and therefore one or both parents have it too and are most likely not treated for it. A prominent symptom of ADHD is a lack of impulse control and they will act before they think and regret it later. They are easily irritated and what is more irritating than a child with ADHD?Another prominent symptom of ADHD is an addictive personality. If alcohol and drugs are thrown in to mix it can be horrible.

Answer 7

Most often they grew up with the same situation and have no other way of dealing with punishment or their OWN anger. In some situations, the parents may really love the child, but in others, the parents are people who never should have had a pet, let alone children, to begin with. Calling DSS may work, but may not. Unfortunately, they are undertrained and understaffed and often incapable of handling abusive situations.

Answer 8

No a parent does not love their child fully if they must do this to them. There is no reasons what so ever to beat your child. They do it because they are self centered assholes. Obviously they are only thinking of their needs if they feel they must beat their child over whatever pissed them off to begin with. If this is going on child protective services NEEDS to be called IMMEDIATELY. They need to lose their child until they sort out whatever issues are causing this anger. If they can not stop these actions they should place the child with a family member or opt for adoption.

Answer 9

Sometimes if a parent has been beaten as a child, then that's the only way they know how to handle frustrations, they haven't learned how to break the cycle of cruelty.
It doesn't mean that they don't love their children, they just never learned how to show it in a more positive way.
But that does not make it right, or proper.

Answer 10

I KNOW! I was at the store just the other day and this man was telling his daughter to get in the cart and she didn't want to so she started crying, he took his fist and pounded her ontop of the head! I was so mad that I couldn't control myself. I screamed at him....yes I said "are you f***ing crazy!? (I know I know I shouldn't have sworn but I was mad) That is child abuse! There was no reason for you to do that to her! That can cause so many physical problems let alone emotional! If you do that here God only knows what you do at home! At that point I felt like a fool for making a scene and just walked away. Ugh it just makes me want to cry! I wish I could have taken that poor child home with me. NO child is so bad that they deserve to be beaten. That to me is a sure sign that you don't love them the way you should.

When I was a child I was beaten by my father as he was by his. I know that it is a personal choice to carry on the tradition. You have the choice to walk away when you feel that anger but they don't. That shows me that they don't respect thier children enough to treat them with love. Now I know my father loves me and as the years past and I grew older and began my own family he realized the error in his ways but I truly do doubt that as a child that he really loved me.