Now my friend is almost 40 and her birth mother wants her to let her move in with her. When my friend told her birth mother no. Her birth mother told her to F off. Her mother walked out on her. So how can she come back and say that to my friend? Why is she doing this to my friend? My friend was adopted when she was 9 years old. That is her family to her. Why after all these years did she come back? How can I help my friend?
2006-06-09 07:42:34 · 8 answers · asked by LaTisha 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
She does not know her birth mother. She just showed up at her door two days ago.
2006-06-09 07:51:27 · update #1
She told her birth mother NO she could not live with her and her birth mother told her to F off. My qusetion is how could someone just show up and expect you to just let them move in? This lady thinks she has rights because she is the birth mother. She gave her rights up when she walked out on my friend.
2006-06-09 09:05:21 · update #2
Hmmmmmmmmmm... really tough question.
What is her relationship with the Birth Mother? How long have they been in contact? Have they become friends over a number of years?
I look at it this way...this is just another person on the planet. If the woman was NOT her birth mother, would she allow her to move in? Would she feel safe with her in her home?
As to WHY did she come back into her "daughters" life - she just might have nowhere else to go, but that is NOT her daughters fault nor is it her responsibility. The mother is an adult. If she came back into her life because she regrets her actions and wants to get to know her daughter - that is a different matter and does not require her to move in. Getting someone to move out once they have settled in, can be a hard thing.
How can you help your friend? Be there to listen to her. Many people get a better understanding of a situation by talking it out.
EDITTED: You just added that the Birth Mother has just shown up. Then the answer is NO... under no circumstances do you let a stranger move into your home who just shows up. You know nothing about this person. They could be mentally ill, a drug addict, a criminal, etc. Tell her that by allowing this person to move in, she is placing her life and the lives of her family members and friends in danger if the woman is capable of harm or theft - and there is no way for her to know for sure and to guarantee the actions of this woman.
2006-06-09 07:48:21 · answer #1 · answered by Raynanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like a very large presumption of the birth mother to show up and expect open arms much less a place to stay/live. It seems like the birth mother is completely selfish. And I don't say this for giving up her daughter, that might have been the best thing she could have done for her child at the time. From what you say it definitely was the best thing for the daughter. Let's just hope the mother keeps her distance again.
2006-06-09 14:54:56 · answer #2 · answered by justneedascreenname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd tell the birth mother to jump off a bridge. just cause shes the birth mother dont mean crap i would not let her move in if i was you cause do u even know y she decided to come back for you after 40 years. hell i had a mother but would have been better off of she would have walked out on me when i was 3 months old. id figure out y she came back first cause 40 years is a long time to stay gone than desiced to come back to your kid
2006-06-09 16:20:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The birth mother is obviously mentally unstable, and is grasping at straws to find someone to take care of her. Your friend is wise to not be put into that position.
Many people who were raised in a household with their parent cannot assume responsibility for them when their parents are not competent. Even then, those people have knowledge of the parents history, which your friend does not. At most, look up social service agencies that could help the birth mother.
2006-06-09 14:51:42 · answer #4 · answered by oohhbother 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend should not even sweat her incubator. I say incubator because she chose never to be a mother. She should be hurt if her REAL adopted mom said F off. All this just tells me that she was no mother then, and she's definitely no mother now.
Your friend should move on with her life and never look back, and if she sees her so-called biological mom walking in her direction she should turn the other direction and run as fast as she can!
2006-06-09 14:52:34 · answer #5 · answered by ♥§weetiepie♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that isnt right i would have said no 2 her 2 it sounds like her birth mother is not right n the mind or something cause people dont do that
2006-06-15 15:43:23 · answer #6 · answered by sweettart1325 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i guess she feels bc she is the birth mother she feels your friend owes her something.. tell your friend to tell her b-mother to f-off.....
2006-06-09 19:03:27 · answer #7 · answered by purple 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She need to call the police and have her arrested.
2006-06-09 18:18:36 · answer #8 · answered by Stewiesgal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋