My husband told me he wanted to leave because he couldn't "handle it anymore". This was after my son and I went to Calf for 4 days! We were able to reseolve it and he is not leaving but I feel depressed and now don't trust him. He did not cheat on me and another person was not an issue!
2006-06-09 03:56:37 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
I don't quite understand the whole situation given what you've said. My suspicion is that your husband is displeased with aspects of the marriage. His displeasure may be within your control or out of your control. I can't tell from what you've asked in your question.
Communication is key, but communication of what? It seems to me that communication of your values and your goals as individuals in a marriage is ultimately what needs to be done. When you talk about what each of you values and what each of you is striving for, you may find there are commonalities between you. Where there are commonalities, likely there will be some feelings of respect, appreciation, and synergy. Where there are differences, potentially there will be conflict. If you find you have a lot of differences with respect to values and goals, it will be in your best interests as a couple in a marriage to see how you two can BOTH get what you want wherever possible. This is where compromise comes in, but compromise DOES NOT MEAN one person has to give up his or her values or goals. Instead, it means both keep their values or goals, it's just that at times, they may have to pull back on them a little bit. Bargaining whenever there is conflict is one way to reach agreement, a compromise that is satisfying for you both.
It sounds as if your husband was very disappointed that you left for California for 4 days. I do not know the conditions of your leaving. However, if you discussed with him that you were hoping to do this with your son ahead of time, and offered your husband the opportunity to have some say in the matter, you may have found that you could go to California for 4 days AND have your husband happy. He may merely have been concerned about the well-being of his son. Or, he might just have wanted his opinions respected in the matter.
Again, I'm not sure of your situation, and if he's saying he can't "handle it anymore," that may be a signal that he has let you get what you want at the cost of his feeling frustrated and disrespected. That is, he may feel his values and goals are not being respected. To win him back, it may take your appreciation of his values and goals. But inevitably, it means both of you getting what you want, not just one, and not just the other.
I hope you find this response helpful. Best of luck to you both and your son.
2006-06-09 05:25:45 · answer #1 · answered by Beeeen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people say things that they shouldn't when their feelings are hurt. You may have seen this behavior in the past. Don't put up with it. You can only control the things you do. If you did nothing wrong and for whatever your reason you went to Cali you shouldn't feel bad. Sometimes people have to do things for their own self, to make them feel better. Don't be so hard on yourself.
2006-06-09 04:02:12 · answer #2 · answered by Snuffy Smith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to talk to him and communicate. Constant talking and asking questions helps because then you can understand better which can lessen the fear. Find out what was in his head and think of ways to avoid that next time. think practical, what can you do about preventing this from happening agian and you need his input in order to formulate a plan of action.
2006-06-09 04:00:50 · answer #3 · answered by noitall147 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋