i am in a unique position, i dont think my mother has accepted that i'm married for one, and she doesn't care for my wife. we are currently all staying together until my wife and i save enough $$ to get our place..the tension is thick!
2006-06-09 03:43:15 · 30 answers · asked by heresthedeal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your wife comes first. Moms are wonderful and we should respect them but at the point you marry someone they become number one in your world. You make it clear to your mom that while she may not care for your wife she will treat her with respect if she wants to continue to be a part of your future life.
2006-06-09 03:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Ugh...comiserations, man. Normally I'd say "If your mom doesn't like the woman you love, then that's her loss", but as you're all still living together, that really ain't gonna cut it this time...
Ultimately, you and your wife need out, but until then, maybe two things should happen. Firstly, you might need to talk to your mom, tell her you feel the tension in the air, and ask her outright if she has a problem with your wife. At least if you go to her in this open, non-judgmental way, she might find the courage to give you some details of her dislike, which will give you something to build on in terms of making or keeping the peace.
And secondly, see if there are any things that might act as a bridge between your wife and your mom - things they might even do together, without you; chances are that given the right opportunity, they might find some common ground in their love of you, and (probably) the silly things you do as a guy.
If your mom gives you any details, respond calmly, but make sure she knows that no matter what annoys her about your wife, your wife is the woman you chose to give your life to - maybe such a strong statement of your will as a grown-up man will make her realise that you know what you're doing, and help her accept the reality of your marriage; if she does that, if she can finally see your wife as a reality, a thing not to be shifted or sidelined, she might even begin to start trying to find ways to include her and involve her, on the principle that she "makes my boy happy".
Hope something gets sorted for you dude. Current situation sounds like it sucks big time.
2006-06-09 10:58:32 · answer #2 · answered by mdfalco71 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your an adult now so your mother should give the benefit of the doubt that you made a decision to chose your wife for you. talk to your mom and make here realize the good points about your wife. Then suggest ( i would force) that the spend a whole day together doing something where they have to coincide with each other like shopping at the mall or a trip driving somewhere.
Good luck.
2006-06-09 10:49:50 · answer #3 · answered by Dio 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU, need to have a talk with your mother. You need to tell her that now you're married & whether or not she likes your wife is irrelelivant that both she & your wife have one thing in common & that is that they both love you. Explain that you're sure that they both want you to be happy & the two of them tolerating each other will be helpful. Each needs to be respectful of the other & neither should disrespect the other. Your mother needs to allow the 2 of you to make your decisions as you see fit whether or not she agrees with them. You & your wife should get your own place asap as to cut down on the tension. Newlyweds have a difficult time as it is without the extra tension. Also explain to your mother that you love her & always will, but you also love your wife & always will & it is unfair & selfish of her to try to put you in the middle of the two of them. This is your marriage not hers, you have to live with your wife for the rest of your life, your mother doesn't. Also remind your mother that your wife will someday be the mother of her grandchildren & those grandchildren will not take kindly to anyone who mistreats their mother. Remember you're all adults & you should all behave that way. If one acts like a child it still gives no license for another to act in the same way. Be honest about how you feel, but don't attack character.
2006-06-09 10:59:10 · answer #4 · answered by 2D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you putting your wife in this position? Get a cheap place to live and get out of there. You are an adult and should not be living with mom. Stay there and you may have money but you may not have a wife any more.
2006-06-09 12:22:08 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be difficult but if you do it all in love everything will work out eventually. When you said "I DO" that made your wife #1. It is very difficult living with other people. What do you want more, piece of mind or being stressed out all the time and maybe breaking with wife,(just to get a house)? If your Mom can't accpet your wife, you should get out of there. Try to sit with Mom and tell her how you feel. If she can't get it, GET OUT! But always remain open with Mom and someday she will come around. How does your wife feel about all this? Does she want to move? Love is the most important thing in this world, without it, we have nothing. Good Luck, God Bless.
2006-06-09 10:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by sam04m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have to do one of two things...
1) Sit your mother down and explain the facts of life to her to include the requirements of getting married where you reside, or
2) find an apartment away from your mother and move out.
The bad side of this is your living with your mother in her house, and she can set some rules over that arrangement, but You still need to insure she isn't abusing her "hospitality". My suggestion is move to an apartment as soon as possible and most of the tension should disperse... Good Luck
2006-06-16 07:00:45 · answer #7 · answered by eldertrouble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a no win situation living with family. Do what you have to do to protect your wife. Are you saving to buy a house? Renting a tiny place where it is just the two of you is better than living in a bad situation. Good Luck!
2006-06-15 22:34:29 · answer #8 · answered by cassie12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation. If I were you, I would find a place a.s.a.p. Even if its a small apartment.
You haven't given any examples of the problems you are having. So, I would treat each problem separately as they come.
Your mother needs to understand that you are married and you will have to stick up for your wife.
In turn, your wife has to understand that you are both residing under your parents roof and even though you are married, will have to abide by certain rules. If your wife is in any way disrespecting your parents, you need to stand up for your parents.
Good luck, and save money fast!
2006-06-09 10:51:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mother is the queen of her "castle". You should have a "castle" of your own where your wife can be the queen.
You need to get out fast, by hook or by crook, even if it means renting a room. You can't have your cake and eat it too....meaning, you are not a mama's boy anymore, so don't act like one. You cannot want to be a married man yet have the comforts and conveniences of being taken care of by your mother. Your wife needs to be the mistress/queen of her own home/castle. Be independent, cut off the apron string.
2006-06-09 23:21:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing is stay out of the middle of it or you will be the bad guy with both of them. But looking for more money you might never get so find something you can stay in maybe a camper and keep your wife she will make do if she loves you good luck your friend cheryl
2006-06-09 11:52:21 · answer #11 · answered by cheryl h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋