his ex wife is driveing me NUTS?

Question

i have been liveing with this guy for about 3 months... when we first started going out i found some things that his ex wife and himself had given to each other. ( from the past ) they do have kids together and she just got remarried. the reason they got divorced is because she was seeing the guy she is married to now... she wanted the divorce. i just want to know why she calles alomst every day and why he has to call her almost everyday.. this guy has asked me to mary him in oct... but i dont want to be with him if he wants to be with me just because he cant be with her....HELP ME.....

he has told her the sound of her voice helps him if he is haveing a bad day. and when they call eachother its at 7 am when her husband or i are not around...

Answer 1

If these calls are about their children, you need to deal with it. That's not going to go away. But if these calls are just to chat ... then you need to explain to him that it really bothers you and why.

Answer 2

I completely understand where you're coming from! I have an ex myself, who still feels the need to contact me regularly, at work, at home, even occasionally in the middle of the night, despite my repeated requests for her to minimize this. We do have a child together also, and most often times, it's a call to discuss our daughter, school, her recent sunburn, coordinate pick up and drop off of our daughter, etc..

Even though the relationship between me and my ex are LONG GONE, there still remains the need for us to continue communications for the best interest of our child. Because our daughter is only 5, in many cases, we would contact each other when a milestone in her life is achieved, or when there's been an accident, or occasionally just because one of us misses talking to our daughter.

This can put a tremendous strain on any new relationship. But remember this - if your man is worth it ultimately, you need to discuss your concerns with him directly, and if you need to draw some sort of line, then he should also enforce this with his ex - out of respect for you and him.

Being single now, the only thing that bothers me is when she calls me at work and/or in the middle of the night - especially when it's for petty reasons (And there's a lot of that!). This simply won't fly when I choose to enter into a relationship.

Good luck, and try to be patient. But don't simply throw your concerns aside... Talk with him about this. What is it that is really upsetting you? Can you draw some lines, and then hold him to that?

Answer 3

You didn't mention what he says when you talk to him about this and I'm assuming you did talk to him, right? I mean that is the first thing you need to do. If they are going to stay friends, do you have a problem with that? There are children involved and it is better for the kids if they see their parents are getting along instead of fighting bitterly after a split. It does sound a bit extreme that they have to talk to each other every day. I can understand how that would make you feel. He needs to understand how it makes you feel and if he cares, he'll do something about it. Tell him you need to wait and see how things go before you commit to marriage and that if you're going to be married - it is going to be to him and not to him and his ex.

Answer 4

Hmm, well, I was the ex wife and although I didn't call my ex every day, there were times I needed to let him know what was going on. For example our son was hospitalised with a bad asthma attack one night. His current partner was incredibly hospital and refused to wake him up to let him know. She told me I was 'using the kids' to get him back. I didn't want him back, I just wanted him to know his son was unwell and in a bad way.
I don't know why this lady needs to call every day, or why he calls her, but I think you have a right to let him know how this makes you feel. I can't see why he would be unhappy, unless you made ultimatums about it because whatever the past is between him and his ex wife, you can't erase his role as a father, and so you need to be diplomatic and tell him that you understand that, but that you have feelings also and you feel somewhat threatened by her constant 'presence'
I don't think your partner wants to be with her, I just think he wants to be a good parent and perhaps that is why they speak so often, and that might be something that will decrease in time as he gets more adjusted to his new life and his relationship with you

Answer 5

Obviously he hasn't get over her. They also have kids and it's a nice
excuse to see her more often. You are in the middle of this and unfortunately you can't accuse him for nothing. If you marry him, you won't be happy. I'm sure that you won't stand having him call her or meet her often.
If I were you, I would not marry him. Wait a month or two and see what happens. If nothing changes, it's time to leave him and live your life. You surely worth sth better than that.

Answer 6

It isnt her it is the priority. finally its his son. I hardly think of the youngster is looking up and requesting sparkling furniture for the domicile itself. Im guessing its everytime he needs a video game or some such. As a divorced determine I understand the desire to shrink my guilt over my divorce by ability of "paying for" my toddlers yet I particularly have made an attempt to adhere to what the toddlers desire and not what they desire. needs are reserved for christmas and birthday promises or maybe then I decrease them to genuine looking expenditures. Now previous that it variety of sounds like John loves his son very lots and doesnt have confidence his ex. Who might stunning? that could clarify the over pay and bonus in certainty to maintain the ex spouse happy. i in my opinion am continually irritating that i won't be able to be waiting to verify my toddlers with the aid of fact I fall in the back of new child help or something like that. It has happend with my oldest son already. I cant say that I blame him. the single concern i will say is while you're having financial concern and he is going above and previous for his ex and not basically his son then you definately would desire to set some floor rules and notice that they are adhered to different smart it is going to easily worsen till as they progression.

Answer 7

The guy is still in love with his wife. It's too soon to get married. Too bad you don't have your own place because the current situation is unacceptable.
If you leave maybe he'll spend more time on the phone with you.

Answer 8

you have to remember he was married to her,and they have children together,perhaps she rings to let him know about the children..you didn't mention if he sees his children or not.
But if it really upsets you...you have to talk to him about it,don't attack him the minute he walks in the door wait until you two have a quiet moment together and ask calmly why the need to call all the time,,who is he with you so he doesn't want her..you have to communicate with each other,this is how relationships break down the lack of communication on both sides,like i said talk to the man.

Answer 9

I'm sure they talk every day because of the KIDS they had together!!! Don't take it personally, because it probably won't change. If you can't accept it, you need to leave the relationship go. Good luck.

Answer 10

I think u should ask'm & have a face to face conversation, & maybe they're calling each others b/c of the kids u can never know until u ask'm don' be late do this as soon as possible!!

Answer 11

Talk to him and if he wont listen, get a new man. The only reason he should be talking to her is the kids. If it does not involve kids, its a no-go. If it does involve the kids, you should be happy that your man is a devoted dad. How would you like it if he divorced you and ignored his kids?