Have you ever been ridiculed, stared at, or threatened in public because of a physical disability?

Question

Are most people in the public arena as cruel and heartless as they seem to be, or is it that they just don't care about manners and civility anymore? Are parents who have no manners themselves capable of teaching manners to their children?

Do you remember the scene in the movie, FORREST GUMP, when his mother (Sally Fields) says, "Haven't you ever seen a little boy wearing braces before?"

If you're reading this question now, and you're guilty of such an offense, why did you do it? Are you willing to ask for forgiveness and change your ways?

As for being threatened, there was a recent case in NYC when a disabled Iraq war veteran was having trouble getting through a turnstile in the subway system. A guard on duty turned hostile and berated him for being in the way. The man's wife said, "I'm sorry that my husband being blown up in Iraq by an I.E.D. has inconvenienced you today." It was an ugly scene.

Answer 1

Not me personally, but my nephew has. My nephew is an extreme special needs child. He has cerebral palsy and epilepsy. Seeing an 11 year old in a wheel chair that doesn't talk, feed himself, and drools a lot (his medications cause that), cause people to stare. Sometimes it's a stare of pity. Sometimes a stare of disgust. Fortunately, there are people that are nice enough to ask my sister his affliction, instead of staring. They prefer to be educated. Unfortunately, a good portion are heartless, and only see his disabilities. Not his great smile, or hear his wonderful laugh. He has taught me much in this world about love, patience and most of all, civility. I wish others would take his lessons to heart. I love you, ALAN!!!!

Answer 2

Yes - a couple of times in my life. From when I was 6 to 9 years old I had to wear an eye patch, as you can imagine I copped heaps from the kids at school. Mum always said to tell them why I wore it, and the ones who wanted to know me were worth being friends with. At the time I remember being upset, but I don't remember any particular incidents. In the long run I don't have any scars left from this, in fact, it may have made me a stronger and less superficial person.

In my late teens, I used to have a red rash that covered almost my whole face after I was ill with gladular fever. It actually covered most of my body, but I could cover the rest up with clothing. It was a result of my immune system breaking down, it was just severe psoriasis. It took 5 years to go away & looked like a dark red birth mark that was constantly peeling. People used to stare at me all the time, because it was quite a shock, I hated looking at myself in the mirror too and as a result have very few photos of myself between the ages of 18 - 23. My boyfriend who knew me before I was sick (and is now my husband) was really supportive. I was never threatened by anyone, so I'm not sure of the disability you're talking about that could make people react in that way. I think those people are just downright cruel.

I know a lot of children (teenagers in particular) can be heartless. It's because they're at an age where physical beauty is important to them and their peers, and some are just plain nasty. And they are also ignorant, and becaue of this, intolerant. It breaks my heart when I see someone with a condition and people don't understand the condition so they choose to walk away. They may be missing out on the best friend they could ever have.

I'm trying to bring my children up to be honest & sensitive. If they have a question about a disability, I would rather they appoach the person and ask them directly, face-to-face in a nice way. I know when people asked me about what was wrong with me, telling them would often break down any nervousness and they could look past it and get to know me. We've seen people in the shops in wheelchairs and my 3 year old would ask (in hearing of the person in the wheelchair) "Why is that person in a chair with wheels?" Instead of avoiding the question and walking away, I would respond with something like, "...because they may be sick or maybe they have difficulty walking at the moment." I usually make eye contact with the person in the wheel chair to acknowledge them.

I hope this is the right approach for the disabled person. I wish this is what many people had done with me instead of looking away, because when they didn't acknowledge me and looked away, it made me feel like I was the elephant man!

I'm also teaching my kids that the world is made up of different people - different colors, races, religions and abilities. But really, we're all the same underneath and should all be given a fair go.

I think that schools these days are teaching a lot more about differences in people and trying to encourage education on these issues & promote tolerance, which is a good thing. My kids education is so different to what we were taught at school, in a good way. So hopefully the ones with ignorant & rude parents, might still get the education they need through the school system.

I hope that helps to answer your questions & lets you know that not everyone is cruel & heartless and we are trying to bring our kids up to have acceptance and manners.

Answer 3

People are always gonna stare...physical disability or not.

My mom has recently become disabled/challeneged. I keep encouraging my father to buy her a wheelchair. But he considers it a "dependance" and thinks she doesn't need it. Yet, when he takes her out in public, he's always scared she will fall and hurt herself. :rolleyes:

As far as ridiculed. No. I've seen people become impatient waiting behind others...but I've never seen them verbally respond directly.

Manners? HA! What year is this.

Manners died with the invention of cell phones, fast food restaurants, and the day we call 9-11. It's a fast paced, rude society everywhere in America now, not just cities.

Answer 4

Being legally blind, and having had to use many devices throughout life to see much of anything, and having picked up cane use in college, (I got a cool one- it's carved like a wizard's staff) yeah I know what it's like to be stared at, threatened, treated badly, or whatever for differences you can't control. I prefer to get them to stare at me for things I CAN control- so I wear unusual clothes, dye my hair unusual colors, etc. It helps to project some of my personality so people see that instead of just seeing my affliction.

(by the way, to the fellow who said his mother is being discouraged from using something she needs in order to avoid dependency- it's better to be dependent on a tool than to be dependent on other people. Nobody who wears glasses or a hearing aid is accused of having a dependency! that's insane.)

Anyway, back to the point. . . oddly enough, some of the people who do the hardest staring are trying to be polite. They just don't know how. They assume that it's more rude to ask than to look. I found this out because several people have apologised for asking me about my vision, and some people have been reprimanded by others for asking me about it.

The ridicule and threats seem to come mostly from highschool age kids, but no matter how old you get, they don't stop. I'm about to turn thirty and I still get it from them. The staring comes from everyone.

I think this boils down to the fact that nobody is taught proper etiquette for most situations, let alone unusual situations. Even people who know which of sixteen forks to use don't really know how to deal with people different from themselves. They were never taught. So if even the people who were taught not to be rude in most situations find themselves being rude in this situation, imagine the people who don't care! I don't think it's that they're inherently cruel, I think it's that they don't like their own lives and are taking it out on you. And there are plenty of those. Civility is largely ignored these days. As for the children of people with no manners, they'll have to get them somewhere else if they get them at all.

Answer 5

Ridiculed - yes, once in a while.
Stared at - all the time.
Threatened - not so far.
And I was assaulted by a kid once when I was clearly not in a physical condition to defend myself or catch him.

But it's not the majority of people who do those things. Well, a lot of people stare, but very few do anything more.

Answer 6

Cruel they are to handicapped people. It is not intentional most of the time. People are afraid of them and seldom understand that they can do things for them selves. Some handicapped people are much too independent and make people shun them. Such be life.

Answer 7

YES. BUT I DON'T CARE LESS BECAUSE THAT IS A SITUATION THAT IS BEYOND MY CONTROL. What I can control is my emotions and that helps me move on in life.

However, there are also loving people out there. So, keep on smiling and the world will smile with you.