try to beat my jokes and you will get the best answer points!!?

Question

a guy walks into a bar and says ouch my hip hurts!! the bartender throws a beer bottle at him and he passes out.....i mean, he leaped over it...no he kicked it back at him and said, i was only kidding about my hip replacement, hahahaha, then he left the bar, i'm not really sure why he went there in the first place, he didn't even have a brewhaha, wierd huh, wait is this the story section or the jokes, somebody stop me!! ouch that burns how funny that joke is!!

e x a c t l y!!

hey chris brown, i heard you can run it run it, you flamin homer!!

to the brain guy, what????maybe you sold my brain, but wtf is a sardar, by chance??

how do you hurt the feelings of a rolling stones fan?? rip the 'i love and have had sex with the rolling stones' liscence plate off of his 1980 trans am!!
was that joke betta?? i laughed, see, ahahahahahahaha!!!!
ps. i meant no offense, like when i e-mail the christian category and tell them i made it sweet with jesus yesterday in a dream, they take great offense and try thier hardest to mail me a postal bomb!! so don't be hurt, ac dc lover!! don't worry i am with you , i love van hagar, i mean halen!!

Answer 1

dirty but funny:

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big ******* deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ***!"

Answer 2

Once there was exhibition going on for "Brains on Sale". Anyone can buy any barin by making necessary payment. All the countries took part in the exhibition but from India esp. all the states took part in it.

A guy went to the first stalls of Americans and asked "How much does it cost". Stall owner replied 10,000 dollars because America had to its credit most no. of innovations.

Then, he went to second stall of Japnesse and asked "How much does it cost,". Stall owner replied 20,000 dollars because Japan had to its credit latest in technology.

Then comes the stalls of Indian brains with wide variety to choose i.e. Maharashtrian, Punjabi, Kerala, Assam etc.

But one brain was kept in big showcase with a very gloommy look.

He asked " How much does that cost ? "

Stall owner replied " 1 Million Dollar".

He asked "Are you gonna mad. 1 m Dollar but why."

Stall owner replied "This brain is of a Sardar, a brand new one".

Answer 3

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she
is a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their
hands if they, too, are Yankees fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand expect one little
girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and
says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are
not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why
pray tell are you a Red Sox fan?"

"Because my mom is a Red Sox fan, and my dad is Red
Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone,
"That is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You
don't have to be just like your parents all of the time.
What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron,
what would you be then?"

"Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Yankees fan."

Answer 4

How do you get a 10 black guys in a Volkswagon Beetle?
Throw in a welfare check.
How do you get them out?
Throw in an application.

A guy walks into a gay bar. Sits down, has a beer and stands up. A gay guy comes up to him and says "Can I push in your stool for you?"

Why won't black people take advil?
They won't pick out the cotton ball in the bottle.

What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's D!ck.

Answer 5

one day a lady and her 4 year old boy were walking the boy was eating an ice-cream. suddenly the boy slipped and dropped teh ice-cream. unfortunately the boy didn't injurre himself. he stood up n try to gather the ice-cream the lady said no don't pick it up we will buy u another one. after a week or so, the lady, her husband n the son were walking down the street suddenly the husband slipped n fell down in a puddle of mud. the lady was helping to make her husband stand up. looking at this the kid said, "Mum don't pick him up we will buy another one"

Answer 6

wow, you are amazing. there is no way that i can beat that joke no matter how hard i try. you are the joke master. if anyone attempts at telling a better joke i think they will spontaneously combust. whew. blowing all that hot air up your A$$ made me almost pass out. now i'm really really tired.

Answer 7

thats the best f u c k i n g joke Ive ever heard. I dont think anyone of us can beat that.

Answer 8

after you pass out the ten points you might wanna cut back on the dosage

Answer 9

your joke is crap.

how do you get a goth out of a tree?

cut the rope.

Answer 10

stick to beating your meat, I'd hate for you to breed