should a 4 year old boy sleep with his mom?

Question

My 4 year old step son's mom sleeps with him every time she has him. It worries his dad and I because he tells us things like, when i'm at your house I"m a big boy but when I'm at my mom's I'm a baby, she tells him he can't sleep with anyone at our house but it's ok at hers and he shouldn't tell us. she denies it to my husband when he asks about it. she also tells him that he's the man of her house. We don't want to be making a big deal out of nothing but it really bothers us.
I know there are a lot of mothers out there who feel it's ok for their kids to sleep with them so please take it easy on me. ; )

I wanted to thank everyone who responded to my question. I know she is his mom and I have to respect that but if you ask anyone who knows her, they will say she doesn't deserve to be a mom. She definately uses him as a pon. She's selfish and imature. He called us once from her house begging us to come get him. We soon found out it was because he had gotten into trouble so we didn't and explained to him that he cant use the other parent to get out of trouble but she had told him that if he wanted his dad to come get him, fine, but he wasn't going to get to see her for the rest of the week if he did. THere's way more going on than just the sleeping in bed thing, that's just our latest situation. One of you mentioned if he's getting fed, and has a good place to live, etc. then we should be happy. Oh he's getting fed, at mcdonalds every time she has him, or if they do eat at home, she gives him ice cream for dinner. She's even admitted to that.

Ok, I got cut off so here's the rest of what I was going to say. For fun, she bought him his own size recliner where he spends 90% of his time watching tv in his room. He even has a little table in there where he can eat his food. Meanwhile she sits in the living room watching her own tv. Oh, and you want to know the latest movie she bought him to watch........ the dukes of hazord movie........

Answer 1

If you suspect sexual abuse then you need to get the child checked by a psychologist and his pediatrician. If its not sexual abuse that you fear then its really none of your business where he sleeps at her house as long as he's clean and warm and fed etc. If she wants him to sleep in her bed that's her right as a mom - family beds are getting more popular these days, and if that's how she wants to raise her child there's nothing you or your husband can do about it. Sorry, but that's what happens when people divorce - she's probably not happy about stuff that goes on at your house either lol. So if your not worried about abuse then forget about it, there are bigger things in life to worry about.

Answer 2

All kids are different, it sounds like you may not have children of your own. I have 2 boys, both completely different, one is 7 and still likes to sleep with us and one is 3 and cannot sleep with anyone around him. I just always want my children to be comfortable, thats what is important.But I can honestly say if my husband and I were divorced and he had a new wife I would not like the fact that my son would be sleeping with his dad and his new wife, having said that I am assuming the mom is not remarried or has another man in her bed(that would upset me) Plus remember the 4 year old is probably going through an adjustment phase, so go easy on him and his mom too.good luck

Answer 3

Absolutely NO! The mom is trying to fill her needs at the expense of the child. He needs his own bedroom and bed, and he must understand that he is not old enough to be "the man of the house"! Keep the child talking - this is not a healthy situation and it sounds like mom has issues she needs to address with a professional. Do not in courage this - See if the boy will voice his opinion that it is wrong and let mom know he wants to sleep in his own bed.
Many divorced men and women tend to use their children as adult company instead of allowing them the short time they have as children.

Answer 4

I really don't see the problem with it. I am sure there are some control issues with both biological parents. However, she should probably not be encouraging him from keeping secrets from his daddy. She is probably telling him he's the man of the house to make him feel important and thats not so bad. I would encourage a good and open relationship with both parents if possible and respect her as his mother. I know the whole situation can be difficult. Good luck

Answer 5

The important thing to consider here is how your 4 year old feels about it. Has he expressed any discomfort with the idea? Does he ask to sleep in his own bed and does him mom deny him? Those could be signs that it's unhealthy. There are a lot of variations by family and culture in regards to family beds. What's most important is how its affecting your child.

Answer 6

In my opinion a 4 year old is to old to be sleeping with an adult unless they had a nightmare or something. However, if you and your husband suspect that something is going on I would first try and talk to your son and see if he'll tell you if somethings going on. If that doesn't work then I would take him to a counselor which will knows how to talk to kids about things. By what I have read in your question it does sound like something is going on. I would trust yours and your husbands suspicion. I know that I have a 11 year old step-son myself and it can be a little hard to deal with their mom. I hope everything works out for you all and remember one thing no matter what let your son know that both you and your husband will be there for him no matter what happens. If you need someone to talk to please email me at [e-mail]. Good luck.

Answer 7

NO, he should NOT be sleeping with his mom. She needs serious counseling if she can't accept her baby growing up. You need to confront her and keep confronting her. Tell her you'll take her to court and get full custody if she doesn't get counseling and STOP. She could scar the child for life. That's pretty near molestation, and since she keeps denying it, it kinda makes me wonder if something more than sleep is going on in that bed.

Answer 8

I have a 7 and a 9 year old and there are mornings I wake up and they're in the bed with me. I don't force them though, and I don't tell them they can't sleep in thier own beds.

Answer 9

i know in most states that a parent CAN sleep in the same bed or room until the childs 7th birthday then by law they MUST have their own room and sleep in their own bed. if you suspect something call the police good luck

Answer 10

he still a baby, theres noting wrong with him sleeping with his mom. most of the time the safest place for lil kids is in there mothers arms, that's the gift of having kids, they adore you as you should to them. when the are in kinder, about five that's when they should be 'encouraged' to sleep in there own bed.