Please tell me I'm not a bad parent..?

Question

I know this is not the best place to get advice from others.. Some people on here can be down right cruel.

But here goes anyway.

From my past posts you know that my daughter has turned 18 this month.

After having bought my daughter a car. She has to plate, tag, and insurance it before she can drive. She also has to finish getting her lisense.

I have recently told her since she is not 18 and running around telling people that "I'm an adult, you can't tell me what to do anymore".. YEAH RIGHT!!.

I am limiting what I will do for her. I will NO longer drive her back and forth to her friends house. She gets there and back on her own. Until she gets her car legal I WILL drive her back and forth to work.

I will NO LONGER buy her any more food.. She does NOT pay rent or any utilities for the house, so all that is left is her cell phone and food and what nots for the baby. Her baby. He is 2.

The baby is very will taken care of.

He does not need anything when it comes to me.

I feed him very well... Tho when I make him dinner I will go to the store and buy food for dinner for just that night and him and I will eat. Grandma does not buy just T.V. dinners..I

We got into it when she said he needed diapers and I would NOT buy them. She has money on her and in the bank. "but mom, I'm trying to save to move out..". Like him not..?

I made her go to the bank and get money out to buy them..

I also will not do her's or the baby laundry. I do not have a washer or dryer at my house so I go to the laundry mat.

I will drive her there but she has to pay for what ever she washes and drys..

I know she is just 18 and young in everything and just cause she has a baby does mean in anyway she is an instent grown up..

She tells me she hates me and can't wait till she moves cause she will never come over and i will never see the baby again.

Answer 1

she sounds like a brat i got a 5 month old im 19 i pay my rent i pay my food i pay my electricity my internet my cable my fone i clothe my son and i feed him and i put food on the table every damn night on top of that i finished my school and i start stage on the 7th and i will be working with no pay at the hospital for 3 months before i can get pay to work..she needs to go out get a job..buy her OWN car.. (sell that car u bought by the way). do you guys not get govt help where your from.. im in canda and i get 3 checks per month towards the baby (all parents do).. if she gets one.. what does she do with it.. she should be paying rent with that fi she gets one..man some people have it easy..how is she ever going to learn responsibility??


let me add you are a great grandma and a great mom for doing all that..and yes i do ask my mom for help if ever im short on anything.. but she really needs to grow up..

Answer 2

I was 18 years old when i had my son. I was living alone in a trailor with no help at all. I was working full time, kept food in my sons belly and i always kept clean diapers on his booty. I also paid for day care and I was on my own. I had nobody to help me and when my sons great uncle on his dad's side would try helping me with money i turned him down cause i dont really like barrowing money that i know i cant pay back. So what you are doing is great and i give you lots of respect for doing all this for your daughter. She needs to learn that she needs to be responsible and that she needs to take care of herself and her baby and that life isnt easy out there and she should be happy she isnt paying rent, electricity, heat, garabage, and everything. She has a wonderful mother and what your doing doesnt make you a bad mother so dont let people tell you different. Your doing wonderful as a mother right now and keep on doing it.

Answer 3

I don't think you are being a bad parent, you are obviously at the end of your tether and she is just using you now....babysitter, chauffer, maid, chef, and all for the price of ... nothing. She has had it good and has not appreciated what you have done for her. Perhaps you should sell the car and give her the money to help her move out....she could always catch the bus or train?? I don't know how she is going to afford to move out but she does need to at least learn how much you have helped her out....Mummy not being there, on call, available. She reckons you will not be welcome when she moves out....I would put money on it that she would be calling you within a few weeks. On another note, you are trying to teach her responsibility and by her moving out with her baby she will have to learn it quickly :)

Answer 4

I think if she is being smart elleck & wanting to be an adult & bragging about it then its good to take action & make her act like an adult. Maybe set down with her & have an adult conversation maybe you can compromise if she'll take responsiblility & grow up? Just an idea. Does she make good money? I'm just asking b/c if she is infact saving money to move out & is also having to pay for all her own stuff will show have the money to move out? Just a question. Best of Luck

Answer 5

well done mum!! good on you, yes shes getting a bit cranky thinking that you should be giving her a free ride but how is she going to survive on her own if she doessnt learn to pay her way now.
Maybe sit down with her and do a play budget for when she " moves out" so she can see what she will have to pay for. and then what she is having to pay now so she gets some understanding of whats going to happen, even go to the point of showing her what you get and where it goes.
I have my 10 yr old go through the budget with me so he knows what we have and gets it now when i say no.
I moved out young because my mum wanted board and i was horrified (as you are at 15 and know everything) wasn't i in for a rude awakening but my mum never took the time to show me where all the money had to go i thought she was being selfish but in fact that waas me, I'm 33 now and 4 kids and they are made well aware where every cent goes.
You have to make her stand on her own two feet and show her how to do it and why.

Answer 6

Your doing it just right, she needs to learn responsibility for her actions, she has the money for diapers she needs to pay for them. Once she has moved out on her own she will appreciate everything that you do for her and how easy she really had it, My daughter is 2 1/2 and I moved out when she was just over 1. I payed rent, utilities, food and clothes bills for her pretty much on my own ( the "sperm donor" walked out), but now I'm happily married and we have love and support from him, and one of the things that made him fall in love with me was the fact that I was so independent even when things were hard.

Answer 7

you are doing the right thing. however i would say to her "look i am helping your out by letting you stay here and watching your kid and not making you pay rent, etc... i expect some respect and if you cannot start acting respectful you will move out."

Answer 8

This the first post I've read of yours but you sound like a good mom, maybe too nice of a mom. Your daughter should be more grateful for all that you do for her. Since she is telling everyone that "she is an adult and nobody can tell her what to do anymore" than she should expect to have more of the responsibilities that adults have.

Answer 9

I wouldn't necessarily say you are mean but some of the actions you are taking is harsh. I can understand making her get around on her on, do her laundry etc but i don't get the whole food part. That to me just seems a little over doing it. if she is still living with you and you are allowing her to live with you then why wouln't she be allowed to sit down to dinner with you and her son? You are allowing her to stay there with out paying bills so it is your fault that she doesn't pay these bills. If you wanted you could force her to contribute and you could force her to be a mom and take care of her son. Sometimes parents say one thing and do another and I hope you are not one of those people. I think you need to decide what you really want from her. do you want her to live with you or do you want her to be an "adult" like she refers to herself or not?? If she is an adult she would have her own place, paying her own bills and cooking and caring for her own son. You are are enabling her by allowing her to live with you and pretend to be an adult when she feels like it. Good luck and take care.

Answer 10

as far as i can tell u seem like a good parent. i see all these parents that codle there kids well into there 20's, or parents that kick there kids out as soon as they turn 18, that does nothing for the kid in both cases