In a relationship of about 15 months, last month my missus developed feelings for one of her friends, due mainly to his extreme feelings for her, and the fact he was always trying to see her. He told her he liked her, and kissed her. Long story short, I made her choose and she wants to stay with me, but still be friends with this guy.
She's overseas for two months, returns next month. I know its not cool, but I read some of her emails from this guy and he admits he still wants to go out with her, and he'll 'wait'. She has lied to me over some insignificant things as well, like telling me she's only called me from overseas, and he isn't interested in her anymore when I know from emails she has called him twice.. etc.
I feel that allowing them to be friends like this, slightly flirty, the same problem will just arise again, but is it fair for me to dictate who she can be friends with ? Of course not. Is it fair to break up with her because I feel she'll just hurt me again ?
2007-12-31 15:48:47 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Do i protect myself ? and break up with her, or give her an ultimatum ? Im confused by it all I guess...
On a side note, I would like to meet this guy in person soon and confront him, any ideas on how that'll go and what I should look to do?
Cheers
2007-12-31 15:49:54 · update #1
haha, she's not cheating on me at the moment. She is in another country, and I know the guy fairly well. He tried to be my friend, then backstabbed me.
Also, they're not cheating yet, Im reading the emails, lol, I know.
2007-12-31 16:12:49 · update #2
Were we separated at birth? I just had this same problem happen. "She's been my friend for years". Whatever!
I didn't like it when it first came up and I said so. This only made my girlfriend more determined to see her "friend". And what I knew all along would happen did happen. I just got dumped for her "friend".
Life isn't fair. If you have 'bad feelings' about their relationship, trust your instinct. I knew it wasn't on the up and up because, if it was, there would be no reason to lie about it and she lied about it. So did your girl.
If he was a straightforward friend and only a friend, there would be need for any lies at all. You don't lie about your friends, do you, or lie about when you talk to them? Me either.
So, it may be only flirtation at this point but, everyone loves to be desired and he shows desire. I'm sure you do too but there is something about the thrill of 'cheating', for lack of a better word.
I happen to think cheating is not only physical but mental as well. And if she is dividing her time between you two, it is cheating since you aren't supposed to know about it.
Don't be anyone's doormat and never take anyone for granted. Your true love is out there, someone faithful and honest.
2007-12-31 15:59:56 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Peaches Always 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have each ideas-blowing to be uneasy, she lied to you - and he or she does not desire you to think of she's seeing him or chatting with him ?? what do you call texting ?? that's speaking in print. So save a watch on her and be vigilant as to any adjustments in her. She cried because of the fact she have been given caught and is to blame. Sorry. you're able to desire to have an prolonged talk together with her approximately this concern.
2016-10-03 00:22:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch.
It's a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
Well, first, she's lied to you. I don't find that insignificant. I realize in the scheme of things they aren't HUGE lies, but they are what they are. The thing is, if she told you she wants to be friends with him, then she needs to do two things...one is to be totally honest with you..that yes, she called him and yes, he's still interested....and the second is to make a "friendship" boundary with him that if he crosses she cuts off contact.
You violated her privacy. That's really not cool, and yet...I can't really say I blame you. You wanted confirmation and you got it..but not the right type.
You're the only one who can make the decision to stay or to go. I admit, I have issues when it comes to trust, and when someone lies to me....I have to wave "bye bye" to that relationship..to save myself. However, you have to decide what's right for you.
In either case...I hope it turns out okay.
2007-12-31 16:14:32 · answer #3 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've got to know the man but do not confront him. Talk to your girl heart-to heart. I have a strong feeling your girl is currently cheating on you.
Why is she abroad for? Even it's work, she can do some side tripping there. I say this because my good friend went to Canada for a work assignment. Unknown to the husband she slept with another man for the 2 months that she was in Canada. That was 10 years ago and the never knew it until now.
2007-12-31 16:09:20 · answer #4 · answered by MoreOfMe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend recently told me he was in love with me and I informed my boyfriend as well. The difference is that I'm not interested in him so my man doesn't have anything to worry about. Even though I'm not interested in my best friend like that I've decided to pull back a little bit out of respect for my boyfriend. And if your girlfriend really cares about your feelings she would do the same. The only reason she would lie to you about the small stuff is because she's hiding something, I'm sure the "new forbidden love" seems interesting to her but if you put your foot down and let her know you're really uncomfortable (without seeming too jealous or controlling) she should wake up. If not, let it go, it's not worth your broken heart in the long wrong.
Oh, and about confronting him...DO NOT DARE!! He has no obligations to you and the two of you are not married so...think about it, could you stand to be friends with your girlfriend and not have a chance to be with her?? Can you blame to poor man??
2007-12-31 15:59:35 · answer #5 · answered by Happy New Years 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest she will feel upset that u read her emails so u need 2 think of a way around that and talk 2 her and if shes lying to you ur not going to be able 2 have a decent realaship because you wont have that trust there ,, u need 2 find out if anything is goin on beetween them ,, and shes already cheated on u once ,, as hard as it will be i think u need 2 brake up because can u trust her best of luck tell me how it gets on x
2007-12-31 15:56:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋