I have been dating the same guy for the past year (on january 4th). About 5 months ago he moved to another state (about 5 hours driving and 45 minutes flying time) I have been flying back and fourth to spend time with him since he's been gone. I was having to lie to my parents about where I was going since they dont approve of me dating a guy who is 7 years older than me...I'm 20 and he's 27. Its not a big age difference, but they dont understand and they are so caught up in their own ways and like to be controlling of everything I do. Anyway, they found out about everything I had been doing and how I've been flying there all the time. For New Years he bought me a plane ticket so we could spend it together. I went to the airport and my dad was there waiting for me. I have never been yelled at like I was. He started yelling & throwing things I thought he was going to hit me. I need to get out of this house, but dont know how to go about doing it. Please Help and please offer advice!
2007-12-31 13:28:05 · 10 answers · asked by carcar_06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That's a toughy. I can relate in that I also feel friction with my parents regarding my boyfriend (I'm 19. He's 24). But I'm sure you realize that the friction exists because of generational differences. It's hard for parents to understand the independence that the modern woman has. And sometimes, it's just difficult for parents to accept that their "little girl" is growing up and can make responsible choices.
Lying to your parents was definitely not the best idea. I've done something similar, and it definitely has not helped our relationship. After talking to my parents the other day, they told me that although we may disagree, my lying to them hurts the most. (I think we're feeling the same thing here: if I don't lie, it'd be even harder to see my boyfriend).
You mentioned moving out. That's really the only option that I've found. But you don't want to move out before you know for sure that you can financially support yourself. You do not want to be dependent on your boyfriend. In that case, you'd go from depending on one person (parents) to another. And if something happens, you'd be left hanging. Secure a job with a steady income for a couple months and save. (Meanwhile, just suck it up and take advantage of free rent and food at your parents).
Why don't you ask your boyfriend to come and visit you more often, especially during this period?
My advice is to try and salvage your relationship with your parents. Be reasonable with them--while you are living at home, it's inevitable that they will want to know your comings and goings. Tolerating it doesn't mean you have to agree with them. Just do it until you are ready to move out. And let your parents know that just because you are dating someone does not mean that he has replaced your parents in their roles in your life. (Sometimes, it's also a learning process of balancing time with the boy and time with the family).
I hope this helps. I am struggling with similar problems, and this is what I've been able to see thus far. . .
Good luck!
2007-12-31 13:44:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are right.
But if you think they are wrong and stupid, then move out of their house.
Whenever you have to lie to your parents to cover up something, then chances are, you are doing something wrong.
So, since you think they are wrong, move out, live your life, and suffer the consequences.
Because you will.
2007-12-31 17:11:02 · answer #2 · answered by NC_Pianist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a job, pay rent, pay bills, buy food, That's what the rest of us do. If you want to be an adult, then act like one. You are an adult, and should not have been lying about what you where doing. If your parents didn't approve, then you should be out of their house, and on your own.
2007-12-31 13:53:07 · answer #3 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you said, get out of there. Get your own place. You need to get a decent paying job. You are legally an adult and can see who you want. Even if the guy is a jerk (not saying he is) you have that right.
2007-12-31 13:40:23 · answer #4 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your parents that you love them and that you need to leave and begin your own life. This does not mean that you are abandoning them, or that you will never see them again. You are 20, it is time that you begin your life but will always cherish them.
Parents give their children two things: Roots and Wings.
Take your wings and fly!
Happy New Year and Freedom!
2007-12-31 13:37:09 · answer #5 · answered by ruth s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents love you heaps! and are very protective like most parents are with there girls then boys.
I think you should maybe sit down with them and talk to them about you dating him etc.
You should find out also, why they don''t like him.
Maybe next time too, be more open with your parents. Or just move in with him or move into your own house?!
Hope i helped?
2007-12-31 13:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about asking your parents why they don't like him? Maybe they see something in him or don't understand his ways. I would not ask them in a defensive way but as adult to adult. If the situation turns heated, then walk away and resume at a different time. Just remember that parents don't do things to make your life miserable, they usually have areason for doing what they do. I am sure it is not so much the age difference, but maybe something else. If you are wanting to get out of your house for the sake of your parents reactions over your current situation, think long and hard on it. It takes a lot of money and hard work to move out. Your best bet is to try and work through the differences. Good luck.
2007-12-31 13:35:32 · answer #7 · answered by rdncgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you still live with your parents? It's time to move out.
What difference does it make that you are going to see your boyfriend? And why have you been lying to your parents? They are totally irrational, but if you've been lying, you helped to create the problem.
Talk to your parents like an adult. Try to have a rational conversation. Does your boyfriend ever visit you? Maybe he can come talk to your parents with you.
2007-12-31 13:34:50 · answer #8 · answered by justanotherone 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your 20! time to get out and try life on your own.
2007-12-31 13:31:53 · answer #9 · answered by itsme.agin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're 20 years old just go!!!!!!
2007-12-31 13:30:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋