Ideally, would parents be their children's gurus?

Question

As a child, my concept of God was very much a composite of my two parents' strengths and weaknesses.

I expected my parents to teach me, guide me in all things, always be there to give me love and wisdom. As a teenager, I realised that my parents could no longer teach me... I found my own parental substitutes (friends, church leaders, my big sister, God... through prayer, etc).

How well do you feel your own parents fulfilled your spiritual needs as a child, youth and young adult? What spiritual decisions did you make because your parents just couldn't meet your spiritual and intellectual needs anymore?

How do you try to meet your own children's needs, if you have any? And how old are they? (Mine are all under 6 yrs.)

Answer 1

If you mean guru, as a spiritual teacher, then, no, I don't think that is the role of a parent.

I believe the role of the parent is to guide and love the child. The parents teaches the child their values and ideally, there are others who do the same with the best interest of the child at heart.

Part of a healthy maturing and growing process of a child is to individuate. This slowly happens over 18 years, or so. While individuating, the child must necessarily rebel from the parents. The healthy rebellion is composed of the child being able to say 'no' I don't agree with this and 'yes' I do agree with that.

After the child is an adult, then he/she will come to appreciate the things learned from the parents.

A guru would be a spiritual teacher to the 'child'. But that should happen in adulthood, when the person can seek a spiritual teacher for his or herself.

Answer 2

Yes, that is the mission and agreement at the outset, after which follows still another part of the agreement, which is -- when the child becomes the adult, both child and parent can equally share in the tutelage of one to the other.

Yet at some point does life also have to impart that circumstances limited to the family may become inconsequential as to whom is the guru, in that in some instances -- increasingly so -- once a family as a unit will have served the purposes for which it was formed, the family members may well part and go their own ways. From thereon, the foundation the family has provided is the channel through which the child now adult makes its life; thereafter, society and circumstance teaches, for which the parents 'cannot' truly be 'wholly' held responsible as to results any longer.

Separation is not limited on divorce between parents as much as it is important to realize that there does arise evolutions between all members and siblings, and this should be held quite healthy and natural and spiritual, and well in abidance with what growth, Life and Spirit, and God desires.

Today the family as a nuclear stability is no longer the imperative as it once was in barbaric times where a stabilizing force had to exist to ensure survival and momentum, in which family and marriage today is still rooted though in great measure outdated.

When one is not allowed to grow, then dysfunction and dissolution is the result, naturally. We see this more and more today.

Spouses have long had that provision as accorded by law and the court, which allows for this manner of separation: divorce.

Another form as regards siblings and all of what constitutes family will begin to arise more evidently as well, and which will come to be quite a natural event the sooner society lets go of an old -- and often destructive -- time-worn tradition.

But for those families who remain close one to the other and whose Life Plans do not conflict and who do share in their gifts and exchange -- as guru to one another -- then to remain close is good and constructive to all therein.

Answer 3

I don't think parents should be a guru to their children. The term "guru" has connotations that one is superior to the other. Yes, my children were disciplined but I was a guide for them (they are presently 32 and 28). Now, at their ages, I consider them to be my true friends and talk with them as such.

Hopefully, their mother and I raised them well with a strong core of moral belief. To date in this regard they have not disappointed me. I found (and still find) that I learned as much from them during their childhood as they learned from me. The learning process is not one directional. We learned (and continue to learn) together and from each other.

It's interesting now that they are truly adults to see how often, when I thought they weren't listening in their teens, that they really were absorbing what was being said.

I've also found that my children still need the parent to listen and to "be there" to offer moral non-judgemental support for the decisions they make. At times we have to pick them up figuratively just as we did literally when they were toddlers. The process of parenting never ends.

May all be at peace.

John

Answer 4

I think it's a mistake to think of oneself as the teacher of one's children. I think this mostly results in children collecting wisdom, and being able to regurgitate it like a parroting repeating phrases. All this learning then becomes part of one's conditioning and later one has to unload it all. Ideally, the less load we pile onto our children, the better off they would be.

Yet, I don't think we can be more than our current realization. We can't be more spiritual than our reality. So then it seems the best advise, would be to continue working one's own reaction, which gets triggered from daily happenings. If we can step back and take a pause and not just react out of our immediate impulse coming from thoughts and feelings, then this space we take, allows for clarity and intuitive and more creative responses to get expressed.

I think with the focus on improving ourselves, or of unloading our weight of conditioning, then the less we are conditioned, the less we will pass on to your children. I dont' think we can expect to be able to do more than that.

As regards to my life, my parents were pretty much in the dark, and it seems most parents of my generation were also that way. I eventually took some steps, and it's seemed that dark loaded past helped me to be able to do that. Then I had kids, still partly in the dark, so they received less of a load. Kids grown, on their own, unloading the crap I piled onto them -- hopefully... Wishing I could do it all over again, knowing what I know now, just wanting to see how it might be different. Yet, I don't really want to go there... I see a growing awareness in the younger generation, seems like the previous generation is gaining on the older ones. And so it is, and so it shall be.

I start to understand why Jesus said, that even a man of 70 years will ask a child of only 7 days old, about the meaning of life. We can learn a lot from our children, if we only take the time to listen and play with them more.

Betsy

Answer 5

We, in India, say that we get birth twice (Dwijana) in this life. One is biological birth which is from parents, and second is Spiritual, which is from Guru. Most of the time Guru is different from your biological parents. Biological parents have churned out a candle, which have never seen a fire. Guru makes it lit!

It's very important that we educate our children both on spiritual and material front. Our materialism should be based upon spiritualism.

Answer 6

In truth, it is the parents who should pay attention to the children. We have much to learn from them. If we would stop trying to "make them perfect" and force teaching upon them, we could see how truly wise and wonderful they are.
I did not give my children a religion. I gave them an example. Which is what all of us are doing all the time. If adults only knew the power of their actions over what they try to teach, they would focus more on being than teaching.

Answer 7

In the native culture that there is only about 1% of the words pop. now the children are raised by the whole village and recieve much wisdom from the older members, lets face it in most of the world today kids are raised by parents that don't know much wisdom or worst by "the baby sitter" {TV}.

Answer 8

I try to put my children's needs (and my spouse's ) first and foremost in my life. The wages I earn are for them, my time is for them, and everything I do is for them. And I get my rewards from them, in seeing them grow, progress and be happy. By seeing them be happy, I am happy.

My children are on the outbound side. One married, another engaged to be married and two more in their late teens.

Answer 9

IT is said in the Ancient Vedic wisdom that a person should not become a parent, teacher, ruler, etc. Unless they can deliver their independents from the clutches of Maya. ( from the material world and bring them to God.) Yes a parent is supposed to be the Guru of the children. But we get the parents we deserve according to our previous lives karma. Where we left off in our previous life spiritually is where we begin in this life. So God makes arrangements for us to be in a family conducive to where we are at in our souls evolution (Not Darwin's theory). So even though I wanted way more than my parents could offer spiritually, I now realize it was where I was at and when I was ready to grow more then I seeked out higher truths. I have no children from my womb but I help as many people as I can to come to their highest self. That is my dharma in life (duty and occupation). If I had children under my care I would make sure they get spiritually nourished by engaging them in the loving devotional service of the lord. Making wonderful arrangements for Radha and Krishna such as cooking wonderful preparations for them, cleaning the temple room, and decorating the alter. Children love these activities. Today I helped my friend and her daughter, who is 7 make dresses for their Deities and string beaded necklace's for them also. She had so much fun and it nourished her soul.

Answer 10

I have a daughter of 32 and for years she was influenced by my spiritual beliefs but as I grew older my beliefs have changed and now have the problem of admitting that for all her youth I was wrong !!