My friend has been seeing this guy on and off for the past three years. It is clear that they do not need to remain in a relationship or try to make the relationship work. She cheated on him (yes, sexually) and he cheated on her. He treated her like crap and she has said some stuff in return.
She makes excuses for him like: (1) "We've both done each other wrong"; (2) "But he has his life together; he is going to grad school, has a job, is going to get his own place…."; (3) "We were young then" [even though it was only a year ago]; and (4) "We are going to work on putting it all behind us".
The straw that broke the camels back for me was when her grandfather died. She was living with him in New York at the time (in his mother’s house). He refused to pick her up from the station (no he was not busy) and made her ride the train back to his place instead. She was in no shape to ride the train by herself that day....
2007-12-31 11:05:59 · 22 answers · asked by pjames302 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Now she is talking about marriage, which is not a surprise because she is fixated on having a fairy tale wedding to the point that she knows what cut, clarity, color, and carat of her engagement ring she wants by memory! She asked me if I would be in her wedding if they married and considering all the facts, I responded with a big fat no. I told her that I could not fake support and fake happiness on that day if she married him.
I have always been the “voice or reason” in our group. I never liked to beat around the bush and I always tell it like it is. However, this matter is a really touchy one and the more that I think about it, the more I wonder whether or not this is the sort of situation that I should back down on, throw up the white flag, and surrender on.
What is your opinion?
2007-12-31 11:06:41 · update #1
my best freind backed out of being my best man the day of my wedding because he didn't like her.
2007-12-31 11:12:34 · answer #1 · answered by frank61799 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you have a valid reason for not liking him, you do NOT have to say yes to being in a wedding party.
I feel those standing up with you SUPPORT the marriage FULLY.
If you do not support it, do not stand in the wedding.
2008-01-01 01:18:09 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not. You shouldn't be an attendant in a wedding which you do not support. The bride and groom deserve to have attendants who do support them, standing up for them.
2008-01-01 00:09:59 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should supprt your friend, even if it means you don't like her fiance. She will need you when this marriage ends, which I see happening since he seems like a class-A jerk. Be there for her because she will need you in the future. Tell her that have reconsidered and that if her offer is still open, then you will be honored to be in it and stand with her.
2008-01-01 09:31:47 · answer #4 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the reason she tells you her problems is because she want to hear your opinion and if you don't support her marrying this man then no you shouldn't be at the wedding. That may cause hard feelings, but a wedding is no place for someone who isn't happy to see the couple joining in holy matrimony.
2007-12-31 17:17:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are brave to tell her you love her and want to support her but you can't be in her wedding because you think she is making a mistake.
I am not sure how it will go from there, but I salute your honesty and your courage.
2007-12-31 16:48:52 · answer #6 · answered by bountifiles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You refusing to be a part of the wedding is not going to stop them from getting married. So you may as well just go and be there for her, no matter what the outcome is. That's what real friends do...
2007-12-31 14:33:44 · answer #7 · answered by noone 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was asked to be in a wedding - while in the planning something huge happened and they nearly broke up. I had to tell her that I felt she was making a huge mistake by staying with him if they didn't AT LEAST get counseling or delay the wedding.
Well they got counceling and they still went through with it; so because she was my friend, I supported her. They are actually quite happy now, so I feel it wasn't too much of my place ot judge them.
In your situation, it sound's like a disaster. Like she just wants a wedding because she wants one, no necessarily a marriage. So, I think you're justified.
2007-12-31 11:58:09 · answer #8 · answered by clivencheese 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing,if you can't be there 100% bbecause of how you feel she should also respect your feelings and ask someone else.Friends are like everyone else they will not agree on everything and shouldn't be a problem with a real friend.
2007-12-31 11:26:12 · answer #9 · answered by peppersham 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The role of the maid of honor and bridesmaids are to support the couple. It's hypocritical to accept either role if you do not support this wedding.
I couldn't, in good faith, be a in it if I couldn't support it whole heartedly.
You may lose that friend, but you maintain your dignity and honesty.
2007-12-31 11:20:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to swallow your pride and be happy for your friend. If he is that bad she will learn on her own. A hard head makes a soft behind. She'll learn. Or maybe he will change. But just be there for her and be happy for your friend.
2007-12-31 11:19:33 · answer #11 · answered by rashida_16 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋