Im 26.I have two kids of my own and a husband to deal with.My sister had children,two of her own which were taken away simply because she didn't fight enough for them.I honestly believe that if she had of tried more it would have been different.She has always used excuses as to why she can't do things.Yet she always seems to have no problem finding different men and screwing most on the first night.OK My problem is my mom.Today I called her to let her know that I was moving and she asked me how I could leave my sister here in this city and why I couldn't take her along with me so she could live with meMy sister is not retarded and has never been.My mom makes me feel like I have to be constantly checking on my sister.Anytime I say anything to her she blows it off and laughs but it makes me so mad.Sometimes I just wanna break off contact from both my sis and my mom for a few months.I don't know why.Yes,I have tried explaining how I feel to my mother but it does abslutely no good what so
2007-12-31 10:14:11 · 17 answers · asked by tiffany a 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What should I do about this?How should I handle it?
2007-12-31 10:14:54 · update #1
You are right. You are not your sister's responsibility. If your mom is that concerned about your sister's well being, she needs to send the moving truck over and have your sister move back in with her. This is really your mom's problem. I understand how mom's can make you feel so bad about yourself though. My mom can be pretty good at that herself. Just love your mom and tell her you understand how worried she is for your sister BUT your sister is a grown woman who can take care of herself but continues to make poor life choices for herself. Then say, mom if you really don't think so, here's the number for Uhaul. Call 'em.
2007-12-31 10:23:06 · answer #1 · answered by matt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advertise them both on Craigslist. Get them some new friends or victims.
2007-12-31 10:39:28 · answer #2 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can make us feel things which we are not predisposed to feeling... somewhere along the line you decided to make yourself FEEL responsible for your sister, and possibly others.
Truth is, you can't change or control or even HELP anyone but yourself. Helping others time and time again, normally isn't productive "help", but rather enabling and codependency. You dont' need it.
You do not have to explain, rationalize or give reasons for what you do as an adult -- in this case, moving to another city. It's a decision you are making for whatever reason.... and it's yours.
If your sister isn't retarded, then she can take care of her own problems and life "stuff"... you can't help her or fix her in reality.
So, quit explaining every move you make... and live your life as you see fit.
You can find more information for help on line if you do searches for the following:
SETTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES
CODEPENDENCY
ENABLING
take care (you dont' have to have a person with an addiction problem in your life to have a codependent relationship, by the way). hugs
2007-12-31 10:34:19 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like your idea of taking a break from both of them for awhile.
Move without guilt.
Your sis sounds like she has a LOT of issues, & she doesn't have any accountability because your mom's a great big enabler, & I'll bet you are guilty of that too, but probably it's more out of some misguided sense of duty to your mother.
You are absolutely right. You're all grown up now, and you have your own life to manage. Your older sis is the architect of her own life. This is the way she built it, so she can live in it. It's not your job to take up her slack.
If your mom isn't listening to your point of view, that's her problem. You've told them your position on the matter, so if they don't want to listen to you then moving away & waiting silently until they ARE ready is a very healthy way to handle it.
I just hope you don't let your mom run a guilt trip on you.
2007-12-31 10:34:02 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You own your choices; your sister and your mom own theirs.
You are a Mom and a wife - you have to do what is best for you, your husband, and your kids. Stop defending yourself - you aren't doing anything wrong! You are moving and that is a fact. If, in your (and your husband's) view, it wouldn't work to have your sister live with you, then you don't have to defend that choice, either.
So just ignore anything your Mom says that you've already discussed. Move on. Refuse to talk about it. If she wants to, SHE can take your sister in.
2007-12-31 10:32:55 · answer #5 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your mom is so worried why doesnt she invite your sister to live with her?
2007-12-31 10:28:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous Mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she was in a bitter custody battle, but i don't c the problem, she is on her own she doesnt have a huuband or kids to worry about- but she's family! u should be there 4 her!
2007-12-31 10:26:11 · answer #7 · answered by Regina 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yyou need to tell yyour mom that yyour sister is a big girl and can look out for herself if she wants to make decisions like that then that's her problem i'm sure yyou'll support her but not the wayy yyour mom wants yyou to and if yyour moms so wworried then whyy don't se check on her ?? yyou reallyy need to just set yyour mom straight
2007-12-31 10:19:13 · answer #8 · answered by goodies make the boys jump on it 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move and take a long break from both of them.
2007-12-31 10:18:49 · answer #9 · answered by Jai 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't be taken advantage of without your permission! You need to set the boundaries of what you will do, and if your family can't accept that, it's time to move on WITHOUT YOUR SISTER.
Your children and husband come first.
2007-12-31 10:18:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋