is it worth hating my stepfather?

Question

my mum got remarried when i was 14 (3 and a bit years ago)
it wasnt an impulsive thing they'd been engaged for 9 years before and had a daughter together.
he is the sort of man who can't accept his own faults (swingign a bat around a room he would say "the damn lighbulb smashed" rather than "i smashed the lightbulb"}
he's self-centred, lazy and if you put a toe out of line automatically he explodes, swearing, shouting and twisting every word youve ever said over the last 5 years into a new meaning (why you are in fact the one who is completely in the wrong and are in fact the worst human being currently in existance)
so many times he has raised his hand to hit me but before he does he thinks against it (never actually done it - i don't think he ever will)
i saw him kicking our old cat - she was ill and kept pooing all over the house so he got annoyed with her
the pathetic thing is the night before their wedding i cried - it was the moment that i knew we were stuck with him

i've never cared that he's not my biological father (my one of those was never much better) and have never used the phrase "you're not my real father"
and i really am trying to be realistic and not blow things out of proportion so please try not to tell me that i am cause i know in ur relationship i have my own faults but i actually do try but after 13 years i think he still sees me as my mother's baggage
ive only ever told him once that i hated him but i was quite a bit younger
now i find that tacky and it sounds rather pathetic and have refrained from saying pretty much anything since!
(until today when i said he had to stop blaming others for his faults!)

Answer 1

Blowing things out of proportion? No-o-o. You have a right to feel however you do about anything at all. You don't ask to feel the way you feel, you just do.

Right or wrong enters into it when you decide what to do about how you feel. Is it worth hating him? In what sense? Are you saying you do hate him? If you're considering hating him but you don't yet, why bother? If you do, then okay, you may have some reason...

The question isn't "is it worth hating him" but "is it worth continuing to hate him." He sounds like kind of a messed-up jerk of a person - why invest so much energy in him?

Poor, cruddy little guy - he isn't being a jerk because he woke up one morning and decided "Hey, I think I'll dedicate my life to being the biggest rat I can!" He's that way because something's not right - he doesn't realize he is, or he can't help it, or something else.

Focus on the rest of your life - where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Think about how you might get there. Don't just accept that you are where you are, so you'll always be -- think about how to get from where you are to where you want to be. Pour energy, passion, time into building a life for yourself that you love. Don't listen to anyone who says you can't - you can, and it's sure a lot more fun than sitting around being miserable.

Forgive him, limited and flawed and irritating as he is, and work on you. Forgive your Mom for having such lame taste in men. Forgive yourself for being a kid and not being in a position to fix all of this. Leave Mr. Limited to himself, launch yourself into your own life.

Answer 2

merely forget approximately them. They positioned a roof over your head, foodstuff on the table, and garments on your back. you're able to desire to be grateful. you have 2 greater years. those those which you hate plenty are raising you and helping you. you won't understand why they do the flaws they do yet i'm particular its for a reason. Be respectful of those that look when you. after all, its in contrast to they threw you on the streets or something. i've got heard of mothers doing that because of the stepdad.

Answer 3

You sound very mature and seem to have good insight.

it's a shame he abused the cat, who couldn't help she was sick... your step father isnt' that "well" either... anyone who would kick an animal has emotional problems.

Maybe it's not worth hating your stepfather.. that takes a lot of energy anyway... perhaps accept the fact that he has anger issues which he refuses to take a look at, and is as mature as a 6 year old. After you have accepted him at face value (and we can see it's not a pretty picture) move forward with your own life.

I hope things get better at your end. If it were me, i'd gather my dignity, act like a lady and not allow his stupidity to affect my life.

hugs

Answer 4

I don't think it is worth hating anyone. It just upsets you and can make you sick in the long run. Plus it will never change him. You can, however, choose how much time you spend with your stepdad. There are probably a lot of other people you would much rather spend time with. He sounds abusive and very volatile. People like that need counseling and/or medication to begin to change. You could spend time with your mom on your own. If, and when your mom asks why you don't spend time with him you could explain it to her. Then she will have some insight. The only thing you can change in this situation is how you feel and what you do. Good Luck!

Answer 5

No it's not. Being a child in a blended family is very difficult especially at your age. Fourteen is tough regardless and it doesn't get any better for a few more years--say around 21 or so. You are experiencing many different feelings, forming your own opinions about life (which by the way, are probably better shared maybe with mum in private, especially if they have to do with stepdad--she may understand completely). My own teens have and are going through very similar things with their step, and I try to help them work through what their feeling w/out unnecessarily hurting stepdad or starting a ruccus. Blended families are hard. Period. Normal families are hard at your age. Keep pluggin'. It will get better with time. Try to keep your thoughts to yourself or with a trusted friend like mum. We all have our faults. Some of us are more willing and able to admit that than others. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Happy New Year!

Answer 6

Wow. Well, have you tried speaking to him one-on-one in private? From your description of him, he seems to be a very impatient, explosive, short-tempered man. That can't be very good. I don't like associating with people that are so angry all of the time because it only ruins my day. It can be very traumatizing and cause some emotional damage in the long run (for you and/or your mother).

I think that you should try talking to him, and if you don't feel like he's any better, try talking to your mother. If you're concerned about the safety of your mother or anybody else, then I definitely think you need to speak up to somebody that can help.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Talk to your mom or a school councelor

Answer 8

I would hate this sob also. What was your mom thinking??? It seems as if she can do a whole lot better. No, honey you are definately not wrong for hating him!!

Answer 9

It's time to get help! Abusing animals is the first step towards abusing people!

Call human services NOW. This dude sounds like a powder keg on the verge of exploding! You have every right to protect yourself!

Answer 10

Hell girl your 17 another yr will not kill you . Then move out . Just be glad you got him (even for his faults ) because it could be worse.